My 9 year old patient was raped and required surgery

I just read this whole thread tonight, and eventhough I was feeling like you were getting too involved, I feel much better knowing that she has a chance of being with you. Maybe not forever, but at least long enough to become a survivor. I feel that we are put in people's paths for a reason. We just have to be smart enough to recognize it, compassionate enough to open our heart, and committed enough to follow it through. My prayers are with you and her as you embark on what is sure to be a very difficult journey. Please do keep us all posted (as much as you can). I believe that you will help each other find inner strength and peace.


Love to you both...

Yang

Honestly? I think there was a reason that you became so involved with her in the first place. You two were destined to be together. I think you are just what she needs right now, the parent she needs.

Take care of that sweet girl...

She will be on our church's prayer chain first thing in the morning -- and you will too. You will both be in our prayers tonight. Please keep us posted. Hugs to you both from our beloved shar-pei who is a therapy dog and his 5 kitty siblings.

sharpeimom

Speaking as a former treatment foster parent, it sounds like you are doing the right things to make a good long-term committment to a child who really needs someone in her corner. As long as you are thinking with your head as well as your heart (and it truly does sound that way) good things can come of this unconventional bond.

We adopted one of our foster kids. It was a mixed blessing with an abundance of both pain and joy. Damaged kids can blossom with love and support. They can also strike out at the ones who care the most for them, either to test the limits of their safety or because they don't know any other way to let out the "stuff" that's in their hurting souls. Kids with attachment issues need therapy from someone who truly understands that dynamic. Some therapists say they deal with RAD kids because they attended a seminar or read a book. Finding folks who are really competent can be a challenge but one that is worth the effort. RAD kids can come around, but not without a lot of effort.

This little girl may not have attachment issues and may "only" be damaged by the abuse she has lived with. This is a more straightforward challenge, but a challenge, nonetheless.

The best thing you can do for her is to make sure that your own needs are met. If you take her as a foster child, then I strongly urge you to create a support system for yourself that includes friends, confidants, your therapist, people of faith--a community of folks that you can turn to when your own pain comes bubbling up. Even though you have survived your own terrible childhood and gone on to build a successful life, this little girl can't help but ferret out any pockets of pain that still exist. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that--in fact, it can be quite a healthy thing--but you must have a framework of caring people to lean on, people who will check in with you to make sure you are taking care of yourself and who will be there for you when you are running on empty. Don't wait for a crisis to assemble this team.

Being a treatment foster parent is an adventure with all the excitement, terror, and invigoration that implies.

I commend you for being willing to extend yourself on behalf of this child, to go beyond the feel-good measures that barely scratch the surface. I was impressed that you were willing to see her be transferred three hours away because that facility might be better for her. That tells me that you are really considering her needs above your own.

BTW, for those of you who have encouraged the use of a SANE nurse, this is an excellent suggestion immediately following an assault. After the initial examination, however, a victim advocate is the more appropriate choice. This is because the SANE's role is to collect and document objective evidence and testify in a courtroom if that is necessary. The sensitivity exhibited by good SANEs is what I think you are after, but, as I said, apart from the physical exam and collection of evidence, the victim advocate (preferable one trained to work with kids) is what this child needs.

I'm so glad this hurting child has you for a friend. You know from your own background what a difference good people can make when your life has been shattered. If you become her foster parent as well as her friend, I pray that you will both be blessed by your time together.

Please, continue to let us know what is happening.

Feel free to PM me to talk more about this.

Take care,

I will NEVER understand how any human being could hurt a child, especially raping them. This really pizzes me off! I feel anger - even hate for the animal that raped her. Makes me want to beat the crap out of him. I hope they caught the s.o.b that did this to this poor innocent little girl. I shivered when I read the title of this post, and almost didn't click on it to read because of fear I wouldn't be able to stomach what I might find here. There isn't a swear word, or punishment horrid enough for monsters that harm little children in this way. YET...even these Jesus died for because they need salvation, too. We're not asked to "feel" love for those who cause pain to others; we are asked to extend to them the love of God (it's a commandment and not a feeling, thank God for that), and to pray for them...so that's what I will continue to do as I've had the need to pray for psychos like that throughout my own nursing career.

As a student, I have a medical question regarding this poor girl.

Is the colostomy temporary until her bowel area heals or is it permanent?

To me, that just makes it worse....like the child needs a daily reminder.

Reminds me of that woman that shot and killed her sons abuser in the middle of court about 15 years ago b/c he was getting ready to get off scott free.

Continue to keep us posted.