I Need Major Guidance!!! - page 2

i have a very touchy subject that i really need some help in dealing with. so, your advice is greatly appreciated. my brother is living with and having sexual relations with a woman he met and... Read More

  1. by   nurse4theplanet
    Quote from NurseFirst
    Well, it's too late now, but one of the ways of "sliding information" in is to ask someone's advice about how they would handle the situation. Or, raise it as a "suppose". This can help to defuse the situation by bringing the subject up without, at first, directly (consciously) involving him. This allows him to at least consider the idea without having to deal with the emotional shock at first.

    NurseFirst
    meanwhile he would continue to engage in unprotected sex with this possibly HIV infected woman....no I disagree with you. The approach must be direct. She must do it in a supportive way, but it must be direct. No beating around the bush about this one!
  2. by   z's playa
    Let us know what happened!
  3. by   nurseinalabama
    Okay here is the deal, we sat down had a nice long discussion regarding HIV/AIDS and careless sexual relations and I even got out statistics to show them. My brother asked me why I would be talking to them about things like this. I gave his girlfriend an opportunity, window, to speak up and when she refused I stated that she had said something to me today and I thought it was very important to the both of them to follow up on. She played it off like the whole thing was a great big fluke and that she was sure that the letter was a mistake.

    I asked her if she had gone to a physician to have further testing to verify the test results and she said no because she knew that the results were wrong in the first place. I told the girlfriend AND my brother that they owed it to themselves to have further testing especially if they are planning to have any type of life together. Also, I told them that they owed it to any other past partners to explain that there is a possibility that they may have been exposed to HIV and that the other partners should also be tested.

    I also explained that I was not trying to get into their business but that this would affect everyone including my brothers two beautiful daughters. Needless to say, my brother was very upset with me for try to "start something" and that I didn't know what I was talking about. All I could say after that was that I love my brother and I would always be there to support him regardless. Keep us in your prayers and thank you again for all the advice.

    Cyndi
  4. by   nurseinalabama
    One more thing, before he left in such a huff, he did take the literature that I printed off for him which included websites for information and phone numbers with support lines that he can contact someone confidentially and discuss this with. So, that was a step in the right direction. Cyndi
  5. by   z's playa
    I'm glad to hear you managed to get your message across, even though it may need time to sink in. Your brother sounds like he's angry at his girlfriend more than at you since he did take the literature with him. SHE on the other hand...the girlfirend sounds like a real tool! I commend you on keeping your cool! I would have knocked her lights out...using Universal Precautions of course.
  6. by   button2cute
    Quote from nurseinalabama
    One more thing, before he left in such a huff, he did take the literature that I printed off for him which included websites for information and phone numbers with support lines that he can contact someone confidentially and discuss this with. So, that was a step in the right direction. Cyndi
    Hello, Everyone

    Very good Job. You were not confrontational toward them and did not chose sides. You remain neutral and told them the facts. You demostrated great coomunication skills as well as provide information for them.

    I am glad the outcome did not get spoil by anger between you and them. I know you feel so much better about the situation and it is a load off your shoulders. All you can do now is to continue your love for your brother as well as support him and his gf. It is their choice to do something about it. It is out of your hands. Please give them support through this situation and do not communicate to the family or friends about this situation. Allow them to communicate the situation to the members of the family and friends.

    Very good job and you should be proud of yourself. Oh, do not try to force them or nag them about it. Allow them time to discuss it between themselves and to act upon it.

    Buttons
  7. by   jnette
    Quote from button2cute
    Hmmm, I would like to hear the outcome.

    Because I believe she has an obligation to her brother as well as to his gf. I feel that she should approach him in a positive way and to give information about aids/hiv as well as being responsible in sexual relationships with anyone. In addition, she should make them both responsible for not asking about their sexual history as well as the usage of protection materials in sexual activities.

    I know the blood bank has misdiagnosis people in their testing proceedures and it is important to do a follow-up. I know five people who were told by the blood bank they could not give blood anymore due to being hiv. Then they went to their family physician and additional testing was perform. The results came back negative and their family physicians are now following up on the proceedure the blood bank use to determine the hiv/ais statuse. They are suing the blood bank because it cause them a lot of stress and money for the proceedures and hiv medications. therefore, a follow up is greatly necessary for the person or people who recieve a notice in the mail by the blood bank.

    I hope she does not lose a brother over this situation. All she can do is to inform him and the gf, provide advice and support, provide information on hiv/aids and std's, provide alternatives for sexual activities, provide a physician that can do additional work on the gf as well as the brother (if they do not have a family physician) and to improve communication between her brother and gf. In addition, she should not point fingers or say she has hiv/aid because if the test comes out negative than she just screwed up. She can say that the gf mention that the blood bank sent her a notification of having hiv/aids and did not follow up because she thought is was a way to take her money. It is in the approach to get people to listen and not being a load cannon by shouting and accusing. Therefore, if her approach is good and they go to the physician for additional blood work than she has accomplish her goal.

    Just my two cents. It is okay to agree to disagree what I had stated above.

    Friends,
    Buttons
    I certainly agree about the approach used.. supportive vs. accusational.

    I also agree it would be wise to simply state what she was TOLD by the GF.. keeping things factual.. that GF was informed of HIV pos. status, etc.

    That said, I think I would prefer to "lose" my brother and save his life, than lose him alltogether to a slow and horrible death by my decision to spare his or her feelings.
  8. by   Dixielee
    Yes, whatever the outcome, YOU did the right thing. That is all you can do. You presented him with the information you had, i.e. her possible HIV status, and you now give him the opportunity to do something about it. The ball is in his court. It is our obligation as nurses and as families to offer information and support, but ultimately it is their lives to live, you can't do it for them.

    Unless he is a total fool and does not care for his own life or those around him, he will do something about it. Wanna bet there was no fooling around at their place last night!
  9. by   nurse4theplanet
    Kudos to you for courage and care!
  10. by   dbsn00
    You did the right thing the right way...this is your brother & you don't owe this woman anything (I can't believe how careless she is! ). Sounds like your brother may come around if he took the information with him...Good luck!
  11. by   klj836
    Quote from nurseinalabama
    I agree that he should be told, and I did explain the severity of AIDS and HIV to her. I also explained that I would be happy to go with her to be retested and that it would be in her best interest to have this done. Also, I quite adamently insisted that she have a talk with my brother about this. I know there is a cocktail of drugs that can be taken at the early onset or suspicion that has a very good outlook. My problem is that after three months wouldn't it be more than likely that if lshe is POSITIVE for HIV that he will also? AIDS and HIV is something that I haven't dealt with in a patient. I don't know how he would react and he is the type to react first very stupidly and then think about the consequences. So as for speaking with him, please tell me how to go about that with someone who is already a ticking timebomb.
    Is there anyone who he will listen to and not get mad at you for "telling the world?" After three months, it may be an issue but he has a right to know and it looks as if you are the one. Let him decide what to do about it.
  12. by   NurseFirst
    Quote from asoldierswife05
    meanwhile he would continue to engage in unprotected sex with this possibly HIV infected woman....no I disagree with you. The approach must be direct. She must do it in a supportive way, but it must be direct. No beating around the bush about this one!
    Please don't read into what I wrote.
    I said nothing about waiting days before telling the brother.
    It's just like, when I was told about my Mother's death, my sister opened with "Something's happened to Mom"; that was much better than her coming directly out and saying "Mom died." The point is to be able to deflect and defuse as much anger as possible that may come mostly from the element of surprise, when peoples' defenses are down. "Sliding in" information is simply "warming up" to tell them the truth, doing it in such a way that they have a chance to react a bit at a time. It's sort of like going from the top of the building to the bottom. It's much more direct to jump off the top; but it's much safer to take the slower stairs

    NurseFirst
  13. by   GPatty
    Cyndi~
    Have you heard anything else?
    I'm glad you approached your brother..I would rather have my brother be angry at me than to have him dead....
    I think you did fine.
    Good Luck to you!
    Hugs~
    Julie

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