Okay so I've seen this post around a few times, but everyone seems to have different circumstances. I know that my indecision is currently being felt by many, and I just wanted to get an opinion from some other nurses out there.
I'm just about done my first year of nursing (bsn), and I am stressed out of my mind. I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about this, I'm crying all the time, and can't focus my mind. I'm not too sure what made me apply for nursing in the first place, it just sort of came to me. I spent a year at a college, taking some courses to lighten my load for the first year of nursing. I still wasn't sure if nursing was right for me when I started the school year, but everyone assured me that I would know at the end of the year if it was right. Well, I'm at the end of the year, and I'm more confused than ever. Obviously I am aware of the job security, the countless options, how there's always something to do, etc, but I feel that that's not enough when it comes to a career in nursing, I don't want to hate what I'm doing just to have job security and a good paycheck.
I have loved all the theoretical work and book work we have done, and I just went into my first clinical setting this semester at a rehab/medical floor at our local hospital. I learned very quickly how difficult and draining it was, and how as an actual RN, I would have so much more to do. I ended up making a decision about mid semester that I would finish the semester, then not return to the program. I really did not enjoy clinical. I hated how stressful it was, and how their lives were in my hands. I learned how extremely significant a med error could be, and how an error of mine could seriously injure a person. I like doing vitals, but the charting is endless, and I hate the paperwork we have to do. I like interacting with the patients, and am okay with the sight of blood, but am feeling woozy looking at and cleaning wounds, etc. The thought of putting an NG tube or catheter in someone scares the heck out of me and really grosses me out. I am a very emotional, and stressful person as is, and I worry that nursing would just lead me to have a mental breakdown. However, I do love helping people and interacting with them, and I love science and learning how the body works with diseases, etc.
I have always thought I would be an L&D nurse, and never really considered or had any pull to work in any other speciality or floor of nursing. Obviously though, I haven't had the chance to experience OB yet, and I hear it can be crazy stressful, and have so many ethical issues.
Lately, I have been second guessing my thoughts of dropping out of the program. I don't want to regret this decision 10 years down the road, wishing I would have stayed in. The night shifts and holiday work make me cringe, but I just feel so unsure about what I should do. Now that I have experienced what an actual nurse would do day to day (on a rehab floor at least), it makes me extremely disgruntled to think of having to do that all the time.
I have learned that nursing is an extremely draining, and a physically and mentally tough job. I appreciate all the nurses so much more after experiencing what you guys have to do, and the amount of work that goes into a crazy 12 hour day. I just want to know, have any of you been in this position? Did you almost drop out? Do you wish you would have? I'm not looking for someone to make this decision for me, as I know that I can only make this decision myself, for me, but I just want to know if nursing is something I should seriously reconsider since I feel this way? I used to feel so passionate in the beginning, but now, I feel depressed.
