Your Favorite one liner used with patients - page 5

I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his... Read More

  1. by   jade-athyst
    "No, I'm not a doctor, but I am a nurse with a doctor's order."
  2. by   sarahbellum
    I am a nursing student that works part time as a unit secretary in the ICU. I was walking by a pts room one day and overheard one of our more hilarious nurses trying to cheer up a pt that had been incontinent.

    "There, there, to a nurse a day without poop, is like a day without sunshine.":spin:
  3. by   ElvishDNP
    See you about this time next year. (As I'm discharging a new mom from our OB unit. This is only half-jokingly.)
  4. by   analee23
    My very favorite is when I'm discharging a kiddo that had a negative Head CT. The radiologist usually writes "normal" across it and I like to say, "Well, we think you're normal... so you can let all your friends/teachers know that they're all wrong about you!" Usually get a good chuckle out of the parents. The kid responds differently depending on age. Kids laugh, teens roll their eyes! :spin:
  5. by   muffie
    when postop valves and cabg's go home [they are usually 60-70-80 years old] i say see you in 25 years !
  6. by   Sari_LPN
    I am really close to some of my residents and try my best to keep them happy while I'm there......here are a couple of their faves..........

    when going in the room to get a blood sugar I sing "time to poke a finger" to the mexican hat dance theme, and dance...they just laugh and hand me a finger........

    tell them I'm thinking of going as a vampire for halloween all I seem to do is go around after peoples blood..........

    kinda tired from working a double so that's all I can think of at the moment
  7. by   talaxandra
    I say to patients when they're ready for discharge "I hope I never see you again... professionally."
    If they're frequent flyers (usually renal patients) I say "I hear you're being paroled."
  8. by   Cheez-It!
    "Hi, my name is John and I'm NOT your nurse, but I play one on TV."
    or my favorite, I'm not really a nuse, or i've never done this before, but i did sleep in a holiday inn last night.

    I've got some residents the hold fingers out as soon as they see me coming, I just tell them i'm here to add another hole ...

    We also do a lot of stupid dances and such to get the occassional reluctant shower done.
    Last edit by Cheez-It! on Nov 10, '06
  9. by   loquacity
    im only a student but

    once i said to a guy nervous about having to be "exposed"
    "don't worry, in this job i've already seen more penises than a hooker"

    or about SQ injections

    "Okay so i can give this anywhere that jiggles....except penises and testicles" (whether male or female)
  10. by   MadRedneckRN
    My favorite when doing an IV or injection is "Don't worry, this is my second time after the...incident. They finally let me back with the real people again"
  11. by   nursebearfeet
    i once had a patient who complained from the moment i came in the door about every thing. she became very angry when i did not respond to her obvious attemp at provoking me. so, she exclaimed "you have a very nasty attitude" to which i replied " yes, ma'am, so do you."

    [mouse]trauma is the acute exacerbation of chronic stupidity[/mouse]
  12. by   MrsWampthang
    When I worked the ER and parents would bring in thier teenagers with complaints of being dizzy, I would ask "what's abnormal about them though? They're teenagers and their supposed to be dizzy!" Usually got a laugh from parents and rolled eyes from the teens.

    Pam
  13. by   MrsWampthang
    Oh another one I thought of:

    When I worked the ER I had a habit of telling patients they were free to go. Once I made this statement to a prisoner in handcuffs being led out by a sheriff's deputy. I immediately said "Well, not really." Got a laugh from the deputy and a semi-dirty look from the prisoner.

    Pam

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