Your Favorite one liner used with patients

There was a patient that was going to be discharged and I was at the nurse's station so he came over and said "excuse me, could you call me an escort?". So I looked at him and said"okay, you're an escort". We both burst out laughing!!

once was checking blood with another nurse, in the patients room. got to the part where i was supposed to read off the expiration date-i said "well it expired yesterday, but i bet its still good. just like day old milk!"

"Hi, my name is John and I'm NOT your nurse, but I play one on TV."

That gets a chuckle out of the parents...

vamedic4

I'm a Missouri girl studying in Texas. Many of my patients will tell me I don't sound like I'm from around here. I smile and say, "Am I using too many syllables?"

When I had a patient once ask if he was going to die, I told him on my shift. It was too much paperwork. He felt more comfortable after that good laugh.:gandalf:

Several years back, working in the ambulances, I worked with another female. Whenever we had a good-looking male pt (or even an older man with a sense of humor) I would ask him, "Have you ever been carried by two women before?" while he was being moved on the stretcher. That one gets a chuckle out of them.

Sometimes patients also wonder if two women are able to do the lifting that our job requires. I sometimes say "We only drop people on ___." (Whatever day of the week it is.)

This one wasn't intentional, but ended up being pretty funny...

When I was doing my IV sticks to get my cert, the nurses would tell the patients that I was a student and ask their permission for me to do the IV before I went in. This big ol' honkin' guy had a great vein and I got it on first try. However, I pulled the needle out too quickly and got blood all over the place. When that happened, I said "OOPS!" Lol, I thought he was going to pass out when I said that!

I was cracking up when I read that!

Seriously I love it when I see people with a sense of humor! Especially in situations like all of you nurses' where the tone isn't so funny and more serious. I am a pre-nursing student so no stories of my own yet!

If I have just given a handfull of pills to a patient (common in psych), I'll ask if they rattle when they walk. That usually gets a smile. One fellow cracked himself and me up when he answered, "Oh, I thought it was gas."

When I have a pt who is post-op kidney transplant or slowly recovering from acute renal failure we become very excited about the "liquid gold" collecting in the bag. One of the pediatric Nephrologist I work with will instruct parents on the "peepee dance". She has even been known to demonstrate the dance for a 6 yr old recovering from HUS and coming to the end of needing dialysis.