Your Favorite one liner used with patients - page 3

I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his... Read More

  1. by   casey12873
    This one wasn't intentional, but ended up being pretty funny...

    When I was doing my IV sticks to get my cert, the nurses would tell the patients that I was a student and ask their permission for me to do the IV before I went in. This big ol' honkin' guy had a great vein and I got it on first try. However, I pulled the needle out too quickly and got blood all over the place. When that happened, I said "OOPS!" Lol, I thought he was going to pass out when I said that! :roll
  2. by   slou!
    Quote from Sue Damonas
    There was a patient that was going to be discharged and I was at the nurse's station so he came over and said "excuse me, could you call me an escort?". So I looked at him and said"okay, you're an escort". We both burst out laughing!!:chuckle :chuckle
    :roll :roll :roll I was cracking up when I read that!

    Seriously I love it when I see people with a sense of humor! Especially in situations like all of you nurses' where the tone isn't so funny and more serious. I am a pre-nursing student so no stories of my own yet!
  3. by   sanctuary
    If I have just given a handfull of pills to a patient (common in psych), I'll ask if they rattle when they walk. That usually gets a smile. One fellow cracked himself and me up when he answered, "Oh, I thought it was gas."
  4. by   km5v6r
    When I have a pt who is post-op kidney transplant or slowly recovering from acute renal failure we become very excited about the "liquid gold" collecting in the bag. One of the pediatric Nephrologist I work with will instruct parents on the "peepee dance". She has even been known to demonstrate the dance for a 6 yr old recovering from HUS and coming to the end of needing dialysis.
  5. by   indigo girl
    When I have to wake patients up for their fasting blood sugars, I always tell them, "I'm here to see how sweet you are today." They frequently tell me that they are sour.
  6. by   glea1022
    Too many to just choose a favorite (of course, all used judiciously)...

    "I practiced on my cat last night." (prior to any procedure)

    "We drive like drunks on payday" (when transporting a patient by stretcher with another cath lab crew member)

    "Don't worry, all bleeding eventually stops."

    "I promise I won't drop you. Too much paperwork." (best when turning a patient. If said on Monday, can add "heck of a way to start the week". If said on Friday, "heck of a way to end the week")

    "It's cold in here, but at least it keeps the beer cold." (hey, the cath lab is a COLD room!)

    "This procedure is totally painless, especially if the crew gets some chocolate chip cookies afterwards."

    (ooohhh, we are soooooooo bad)
  7. by   lpnstudentin2010
    OK this is from a patient...Thank you for using humor. It is appreciated. People dont like things like needles (obviously) and breaking the ice makes it easier for the patient. So please keep doing the humor thing.
  8. by   Cherish
    Quote from indigo girl
    When I have to wake patients up for their fasting blood sugars, I always tell them, "I'm here to see how sweet you are today." They frequently tell me that they are sour.
    LOL thats cute.
  9. by   HoosiER RN
    was getting ready to start an iv on pt with n/v/d x 3 days, told him I would draw his blood at the same time. the pt chimed in with "all with one little prick" I automatically said "what did you call me " after uncomfortable second pt and his wife started laughing and wife said it was first time pt laughed in the 3 days whew!
  10. by   Era
    Quote from scaredofshots
    I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his face and my instructors was priceless!! I was curious what other things people have said or say to patients to break the ice. :spin:

    enguin: Good for you! Nurses without a good sense of humour are usually quite scary to me. When I was on my final placement as a student nurse ( donkey's years ago! ), I worked with this fantastic and very comical Nurse and it made such a difference to the whole working environment. Nice for other nurses and more importantly, to the patients. Laughter is such a good therapy that requires no prescription.

    I usually say to patients;
    * This won't hurt..... ME much! I say this when I have to do anything uncomfortable.
    * Don't worry, I'll leave you some left.... when I'm extracting blood.
    * Don't worry.... it's music to our ears... when patient's get embarrassed after passing wind.
  11. by   chris_at_lucas_RN
    I get a lot of compliments, and I truly enjoy them, but what I like even more is the laughter when I tell the patients and their families, "shhhh! I have a reputation to maintain!"
  12. by   Starfire
    i love this thread... :lol:

    i never say one-liners to people... i'm kinda scared about how the patients would react to it...

    but i do know some other people who drop funny one-liners... the one i like the most is when they say to little children:
    "awww... don't worry, it'll grow back... eventually... probably..."
  13. by   Victoriakem
    I like to tell my patients that what we are doing to them, IV, pacer pads, etc won't hurt us a bit & if they complain we are taking too much blood for lab draws, I ask them, "Don't be so stingy!" And doing the OR consent questionaire I like to ask men patients if they could be pregnant. And when asked how long they will be in the ED with test results, etc. I tell them 3 days, at least.:spin:

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