Your Favorite one liner used with patients - Page 24

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  1. Oct 9, '09 by
    Quote from JR816
    And last week I had a mom give birth for the first time. We got along right away. She simply held her breath for a second and smiled. Out popped baby.

    I told her that some men show more facial expression while going to the bathroom.


    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I'm going to be smelling Pepsi for the next few hours!
    carolmaccas66 and ellakate like this.
  2. Oct 9, '09 by
    Quote from BanoraWhite
    I had a patient like that when I was working on Christmas Eve. She told me to 'go to hell' and I responded with "I'll see you there. Merry Christmas ! " :wink2:

    I've had a resident tell me that once. I looked at her and said "I'm here aren't I? I thought the elevator dropped me off in the seventh circle. Shoot. I'll just go give Satan a piece of my mind!" After we both laughed I never had another problem with her again
    carolmaccas66 and ellakate like this.
  3. Oct 21, '09 by
    I like to play the straight man.

    "Good to meet you, sorry it's here" is my favorite opener.

    As a tech - "They don't let me play with anything fun, but if you need a soda or something I'm well qualified to get it."

    LOL's come in with bruising/ raccoon eyes - "You're the tough old bird came in from that barfight huh?"

    If they say "at least I'm alive," (and I stole this from a little old lady).. "they say the devil takes care of his own"

    Worse yet, if they're clever too, it's usually worth a smile to admit that I've spent the day's allotment of one-liners!
    SnowShoeRN and carolmaccas66 like this.
  4. Oct 30, '09 by
    If the patient complains about the food I tell them it's part of our free, never failing weight loss system. Usually gets a chuckle.
    And when greeting patients, "I'd ask how you are today, but you're in my ER so I guess that's saying something."
    carolmaccas66 and ICU_RN_BSN like this.
  5. Oct 30, '09 by
    from my husband, during his emergency bedside echo...is it a boy or a girl?
    carolmaccas66 likes this.
  6. Oct 31, '09 by
    On cardiac step down unit when drawing arterial blood gases:
    This is going to hurt like hell. I am really sorry, but if you hold still, it will be over sooner.
    carolmaccas66 likes this.
  7. Nov 8, '09 by
    "I'm not going to beg you to take your meds and stay in bed resting your heart, you are welcome to go home AMA... should I get the paper?"
  8. Nov 8, '09 by
    After inserting an IV in an anxious patient: Alright! I got it! Not bad for my first time!
  9. Nov 8, '09 by
    On discharge: "I'll miss you, but I hope I never see you again."
    carolmaccas66 likes this.
  10. Nov 8, '09 by
    In Home Health:

    You don't have to go to the hospital, but when you pass out, I get to call the shots. I can wait.
    Rizz, carolmaccas66, paranrs66, and 1 other like this.