Your Favorite one liner used with patients - page 14

I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his... Read More

  1. by   icuwant2rn
    I tell pts I'm discharging, "I know you love it here, but it's time to go!"
  2. by   Daye
    Quote from Ladybug10
    We were in labor and delivery for clinical and my instructor came into my patients room with me to check an episiotomy. We got the patient in the position and we were checking for REEDA and my instructor says wow thats the best one I have ever seen!!!!!!!! The patient replied thank you
    Remind me please what REEDA stand for, i've forgotten? TIA
  3. by   Daye
    When I have an impatient patient who wants to know how much longer until the doctor will see them or whatever they are waiting for I tell them
    "just a couple more hours at the most"

    Before doing anything requiring fine dexterity like IV's or the doc doing an excision
    "I went out to my car and had a little drink to get the shake out."

    When doing a gyn procedure
    "just pretend like I'm an old boyfriend"

    When they complain about the food
    "beats kitty litter"

    When my Doc introduces me he'll say something like "just got this one out of drug rehab so be nice to her"
  4. by   MarySunshine
    I tell people to smile and say cheese before I press the "AUTO" button on their EKGs.

    I tell them to give me a "big, fake smile" when I need to assess their facial symmetry. That usually results in a real smile.

    After something unpleasant, like an IV stick or a foley insertion, I can't usually help but say "Now who's your favorite nurse?"
  5. by   TennNurse
    I had a pt a few years ago who was just inexplicably afraid of her IV start. She fussed and fretted and made pitiful little squeaking noises and finally concluded that the best way for her to get through this was "I'll just CLOSE MY EYES". I told her, "That sounds like a great plan, I'll close mine, too." She sort of started and squealed and said, "Oh, no you won't!"
    But it got her laughing and she tolerated her IV start just fine.
  6. by   TennNurse
    Quote from gentle
    Not used in front of patients or family. Usually sung in the back room with other staff members present. Sung to the tune of "I'm in the mood for Love"

    I'm in the mood to stab you.
    Simply because you're near me.
    Funny but when you're near me.
    I'm in the mood to stab you.

    Usually, I am collecting supplies to start an IV.


    :roll

    I laughed so hard I wheezed! Please come work with me, I love people who make me laugh.

    These remind me of a sharp LOL in by ambulance that I was triaging in the room. When I got to the social habits, I asked if she drank any alcohol (no) smoke any cigarettes (no), snort any heroin. Right away she said, "Nope, gave it up for Lent."

    For some reason these questions elicit worry in some pts, so after I've asked about drinking, smoking, and drugs, and they say no to all, I'll ask them if they've removed any tags from mattresses or pillows recently. This always lightens them up.
  7. by   ohmeowzer RN
    before i take a blood sugar i say " let's see how sweet you are " then i say " i bet you are really sweet.". and they laugh.. esp the older people..
  8. by   Caffehead
    when doing an admission history and assessment with a new male Pt. if the spouse is a little tense. sometimes I ask about hearing problems other than"male pattern hearing loss."
  9. by   grace90
    Quote from MarySunshine
    I tell them to give me a "big, fake smile" when I need to assess their facial symmetry. That usually results in a real smile.
    When I check for tongue deviation, I'll tell someone to stick their tongue out at me, then say "I bet you don't get told that very often." :spin:
    Or else I'll tell them to "stare at my nose and try not to laugh" when I check their pupils. But whenever I do that, I always worry that a big ol' bugar might be hanging out of it or something.
  10. by   txspadequeenRN
    i do the same thing... i also say when letting them pick out their finger to be poked " ok give me the finger"..and most of the time i get it and i work in geriatrics.

    Quote from kizzykatlove
    before i take a blood sugar i say " let's see how sweet you are " then i say " i bet you are really sweet.". and they laugh.. esp the older people..
  11. by   danissa
    OK..not a nursing one as such...but the guy tattooing my back, half way through told me he was needle phobic and hated blood!!!!OMG!!!!!!!, how scared was I???? PLEASE dont pass out tattoo guy...dont want half a symbol on me!!!!!
    Didnt go back there btw!
    Last edit by prmenrs on Jul 5, '07
  12. by   prmenrs
    Quote from danissa
    OK..not a nursing one as such...but the guy tattooing my back, half way through told me he was needle phobic and hated blood!!!!OMG!!!!!!!, how scared was I???? PLEASE dont pass out tattoo guy...dont want half a symbol on me!!!!!
    Didnt go back there btw!

    Ask the ED nurses how many people come in, tattooed from top to bottom and back to front, w/a few piercings thrown in for good measure--and announce that they're scared of needles!!
  13. by   seasonedlpn
    Male patients ask if inserting a foley will hurt. I usually respond,
    "Well.....the hole is ALREADY there..!"

    When asking for a urine specimen I've told patients,
    "If you won't give it to us, we will take it from you!"

    Remember peri-lights in OB? We had a defective one...called maintenance to fix it..When he returned I asked him what was wrong, he said,
    "I just had to change the film!!"

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