Your Favorite one liner used with patients - page 10

I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his... Read More

  1. by   Ayrman
    Being a male nurse I am often asked by the older patients if I am a doctor. I just tell them "Not in this country."

    Occasionally they'll ask where I am/was a doctor then, if not here. Then I have to explain that I have traveled a bit, including to Central America as part of a wilderness medicine training course for students and new docs (I was an instructor) and that we held clinic as part of the class finale. The locals couldn't differentiate between us; I was just as much a doc as were the first year pre-meds and the new MD's.

    Ayrman
  2. by   Ladybug10
    We were in labor and delivery for clinical and my instructor came into my patients room with me to check an episiotomy. We got the patient in the position and we were checking for REEDA and my instructor says wow thats the best one I have ever seen!!!!!!!! The patient replied thank you
  3. by   Roland30
    A male resident at my job in a nursing home had a fall and hit his head. Complaining about the pain, and could not forcus due to dementia, knowing he was a ex marine, I told him how my brother was a marine . Also that when he went to basic he was walking on his toes and always had since jr. high that I could remember but when he finished basic he was walking flat footed and straight and tall. I told him that on occassions he behave as if he still in the marine. He interupted me when I told him about my brother walking on his toes and say he had a son that did the same. After that I was able to get information and appropiate responses from him.
    Last edit by Roland30 on Feb 9, '07
  4. by   ***Bonita***
    I took care of a former astronaunt. He had surgery and I was getting him out of bed for the first time. I asked him if this was harder than walking on the moon. I had also asked him if he believed in aliens.
  5. by   rnmommy23
    Whenever I have pt's complain about the amount of tape on their person I say, Didn't anybody tell you it's hospital policy that you have to have at least a pound of tape before you can be discharged. :spin: That usually gets a good laugh
  6. by   nrse4evr
    When pts tell me that they don't want anything for pain in labor I tell them they have 3 options
    1. Nothing--Pain is free you can have all you want.
    2. Iv meds
    3. Epidural
  7. by   Janus Rising
    When someone is giving me a 'tude about taking their meds: "Look, I gotta get these in ONE of your holes.. you can choose which"
  8. by   Seven, RN2b
    Quote from ***bonita***
    i took care of a former astronaunt. he had surgery and i was getting him out of bed for the first time. i asked him if this was harder than walking on the moon. i had also asked him if he believed in aliens.

    i'm curious - did he believe in aliens?
  9. by   Seven, RN2b
    Quote from Janus Rising
    When someone is giving me a 'tude about taking their meds: "Look, I gotta get these in ONE of your holes.. you can choose which"

    :roll
  10. by   fleetwoodrn
    I usually open my anti smoking lecture for my smoking patients with this line "you know I had to divorce my first wife because she smoked." which usually gets a strange look from the patient, after which I explain " yep, her and her boyfriends used to stink up the whole house" Usually the smokers don't hear the "boyfriend" part of it and thier nonsmoking spouse or relative does and starts laughing. then I say it again slower and they usually get it then. then I say something like "and most people think I'm kidding" this usually breaks the ice and I go on to explain why smoking is bad for them and relate it to their specific ailment or condition. sometimes it works
  11. by   Cheyenne RN,BSHS
    [font="comic sans ms"]in the middle of the notorious morning med pass, with staffing call offs out the wazoo so we have more then the usual on each cart...pt looks at me and the assistant and as she is handed her cup of ice water she asks in all seriousness

    "do you have a twist of lemon with that?"

    i look at her. i could not help it...i had to ask her back

    "do you want fries with that?"
  12. by   zologista
    while changing an iv bag in the middle of the night, "don't mind me i am just giving you some more "go" juice. you know so you will go and go and go" rolling eyes toward the bathroom.

    while a shy patient is undressing, "don't worry if you have something i have never seen before, i will shoot it!"

    removing anything sticky like tape or ekg pads etc, "don't worry we do not charge extra for hair removal."
  13. by   Ubernurse
    I usually first thing in the AM when I assess my patient say, "Goodmorning! did you get much sleep?" When they answer me with a yes, I say, "Well then Night shift must not have been doing their job because they are suppose to wake you up every hour to see if you're sleeping! I get a few laughs.

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