You Might Work in ER if...

  1. *Your patient says,"I have no idea how that got stuck in there..."

    *You believe in aerial spraying of prozac.

    *Your idea of comforting a child is to place them in a papoose restraint.

    *You encourage an obnoxious pt to sign out AMA so you don't have to deal with them any longer.

    *You believe that "Shallow Gene Pool" should be a diagnosis.

    *You believe that the gov't should require a permit to reproduce.

    *Your diet consists of more processing than your computer.

    *When someone calls you a B@st@rd, you take it as a compliment.

    *You don't think that a referral to Dr. Krevorkian is inappropriate.

    *You refer to someone in respiratory distress as a smurf.

    *You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled, "Suicide...
    Getting it Right".

    *You have the bladder capacity of five normal people.

    *You think that caffeine should be available in IV form.

    *When you mention vegetables, you're not referring to the food group.

    *The most commonly uttered phrase in triage is, "what changed tonight that makes it an emergency after six months???"

    *You believe that your pt is demonically possessed.

    *You believe that YOU are demonically possessed!

    *You believe that a "supreme being consult" is your pts only hope.

    *You believe that the waiting room should be supplied with Valium salt licks.

    *You believe that, "Ask a nurse" is an evil plot thought up by Satan.

    *You find humor in other people's stupidity.

    *You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet" is uttered.

    *You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the
    "Eternal Care Unit".

    *You ever had to leave a pts room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.

    *You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see.

    *You believe that chocolate is a food group.

    *You plan your dinner while performing a gastric lavage.

    *You have your weekends off planned a year in advance.

    *You have ever referred to someone's death as a celestial discharge.

    *...and you might work in the ER if you hear your charge nurse muttering down the hall, "Who's in charge of this mess anyway??"
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  2. 3 Comments

  3. by   jayna
    WALK FASTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE

    DRIVES FAST THAN USUAL

    CAN ENGAGED IN MANY CONVERSATION AT THE SAME TIME

    TALK FASTER WHAT ABOUT TALKATIVE...HEHHEHE

    EAT FASTER

    BLADDER ALWAYS ALWAYS LIKE SIZE OF A FOOTBALL FIELD

    MOOD CHANGES ANGRIER FASTER HEHEHHE THEN SMILEY

    SIMILAR TO THE DOCTORS WILL NOT SURE EITHER U DOCTOR OR NURSE


  4. by   cmggriff
    you have ever drawn a rough sketch of a Norplant blowgun.

    you spent more than 15 minutes explaining the benefits of a DNR order to family members.

    you ever won the ETOH betting pool.

    you based your lottery ticket numbers on that winning value.

    you ever bet on a patients pH from his ABG's.

    you calculate the patients actual ETOH intake by trebling what he claims to have had.

    you ever counselled a Dr against ordering to many tests.

    you ever reported a BP as "patent pending over 140"

    you think "treat 'em and street 'em" is a care plan.

    Gary
  5. by   GoofyERRN
    Hi!
    I am the author and distributor of the original "You might be an ER Nurse if..." compilation of humor. If you would like the complete collection, please email me at:
    GoofyERRN@member.ena.org
    Thanks, and keep smiling
    Michael
    aka
    Goofy

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