You might be in the medical field if....

Caution: The following is for entertainment purposes only. Don't take this too seriously.1. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.2. Your idea of a good time is a full code at shift change.3. You find humor in other people's stupidity.4. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.5. Your idea of comforting a child is to place them in a papoose restraint.6. You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a diagnosis7. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.8. You believe that chocolate is a food group.9. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet around here."10. When you're out in public and you compliment a complete stranger on their great veins.11. You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Center."12. You hate working nights with a full moon.13. You don't think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is inappropriate for this patient.14. You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "SUICIDE....Getting it Right the First Time!"15. You think caffeine should be available in IV form.16. You had to leae a patient's room before you began laughing uncontrollably.17. You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.18. The most commonly uttered phrase after midnight is "What changed tonight a 0200 hours that makes it an emergency after 6 months?"19. You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis.20. You have ever referred to the ER as a sh*t magnet".21. You believe that the waiting room should be supplied with a Valium salt lick.22. You have ever wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to the lab.23. When ordering labs, the doctor wants to order a "dumb sh*t profile".24. When you mention vegetables, you're not referring to the food group.25. You are totally astounded when someone from the lab speaks English.26. You have been exposed to so many x-rays that you say, "No, I don't worry about birth control...I've been irradiated.27. Your patient states, "I have no idea how that got stuck up there".28. You can identify the "positive teeth vs. tattoo" ratio.29. You have your weekends off, marked and planned for a year.30. You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA just so you don't have to deal with them anymore.31. You use your status to get out of speeding tickets.32. You use the word GOMER in a sentence more than once a night.33. You have ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level.34. You threaten to use "the hose" if your patient won't give you a urine specimen.35. After someone tells you how many drinks they've had, your question is "....and how big were those drinks?"