You Know You're A Nurse If...

Nurses Humor

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You know you're a nurse if...

You've been telling stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw up.

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Specializes in Psych.

You go out for a few drinks and automatically reach out and keep a person who is about to be told "you're shutoff" as they are staggering drunk, from falling on the floor.

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Specializes in None Yet.

Not a nurse yet, just a student but....

When you're watching an abdominal surgery being performed around lunch-time and all you and your fellow student/nurse can think of is how much different pieces of anatomy look like weird versions of food.

(Hysterectomy - removed ovaries looked like deflated grapes.)

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You're 4 year old knows all the bones in the body (while I was in A & P) and when he started kindergarten he was telling his class about skin assessments and care planning and medication administration, to the point that I got a phone call from his teacher about words she didn't understand

My daughter did this...she stole my A&P Atlas and wanted me to read it to her as her bed time story it was "Her body book"

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You have an entire OTC pharmacy in your nurse purse (just in case).

You know what time every place in town that will deliver food closes.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Transplant.

You swiftly clean up a MASSIVE lactulose-induced errr....spill all over a patient's bathroom without batting an eye. Patient's husband is profusely apologetic and then pauses to ask if you have ever considered that some aspects of your career belong on an episode of "Dirty Jobs." You laugh and agree with him, while thinking secretly that you just want to get back to your lunch break (apparently even lactulose-produced BMs are no longer an appetite suppressant)

You use "c" instead of "w/" or "with" on everything you write-grocery lists, thank you notes, etc...

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Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.
a MASSIVE lactulose-induced errr....spill

Ah yes, the good old "shlake" -- a lake of ..... stuff.

A nurse aide and I (a student nurse) were cleaning up a bed-bound post-Fleets patient the other day. The aide had put the head of the bed down so we could roll the patient for clean-up, and I immediately put the head back up. At the aide's questioning look, I told her it was a shlake situation, and it was headed north when the head of the bed was lowered, and I didn't want to have to wipe up any more than I was already going to be wiping.

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You know what time every place in town that will deliver food closes.

...and you know which places will give you the "lunch special" prices if you say you're calling from XYZ Healthcare, even at 10pm.

Edited to add: LMAO @ "shlake"! Ow, my sides!

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Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.
Edited to add: LMAO @ "shlake"! Ow, my sides!

Sorry about your sides! But you know what I'm talking about... sometimes "code brown" just isn't enough to describe the situation you're dealing with! This was one of those "flowing off the side of the bed like Niagara Falls" type of events!

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Sorry about your sides! But you know what I'm talking about... sometimes "code brown" just isn't enough to describe the situation you're dealing with! This was one of those "flowing off the side of the bed like Niagara Falls" type of events!

I remember this one time, we were building dams to keep from flowing off the sides. The things you don't learn in nursing school...

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You adjust the slings on total strangers' arms, while out shopping.

Lol I did this once!! I then proceeded to ask who put the sling on and were they drunk??? I had coffee bought for me

I'm not a nurse yet but this is a doozy- you know you're a nurse when after a surgery you have you wake up from a GA saying 'is that an art line and what size foley do I have' -- true story I am surrounded by nurses and when I had a VP shunt placed in September that is how I woke up.... I proceeded to ask the rad techs if they wanted me to 'scoot over' for post op head CT

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

Never let anyone try to shoot something off the top of your head, no matter how good of a shot they say they were.

When your dog dies after eating some weird plants in the yard, it is not a good idea to try and eat theym yourself to see what will happen.

Never, ever reach down a hole in the ground to see what's in it. You might just find out.

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you finish debrieding a wound and place the 4x4 up to your nose because there's lack of smell

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