You show up for work and notice bars have just been installed on all the windows and there is now a metal detector at the hospital entrance.
The paramedics in the parking lot are all using mops to clear up their ambulances and the EMTs are using a hose.
The off-going shift had a hard time keeping a straight fact when giving report, especially about Room 15.
Your first patient of the day insists there is no way that she can be pregnant. She's crowning.
Your next five patients and their families all scream at you in different languages, none of which you speak.
Your next patient screams at you in a language you do understand, but you can't remember hearing that many obscenities strung together at one.
The intoxicated 250 kg transvestite in Room 15 keepings trying to get your home phone number because you "are just too sweet".
Your next patient has maggots but isn't dead.
The hospital's attorney wants to talk to you but her secretary won't tell you what it's about.
The hospital has a surprise disaster drill. You were the only one who wasn't tipped off.
The Department is completely empty and one of the off-oing shift says, "It's been that way all night, hope you have a quiet day!"
No one remembered to buy coffee.
You have writers' cramp and still have 7 hours of the shift left.
The psychiatric patient who thinks he is Jesus was placed in the same room as another patient who thinks he is Satan.
You get a subpoena for a lawsuit on a patient that walked out of the department against medical advice 2 years ago. You can only hope that is what the attorney wants to talk about.
The Hospital Administrator left you a cryptic message about a news crew showing up "sometime today to do a little filming, so everyone act natural."
In the middle of a disaster drill two real trauma patients present themselves.
The paramedics who offered to go out and pick up lunch (and coffee) just advised over the radio they have witnessed a motor vehicle accident involving a transit bus versus a minivan. "Stand by for update."
It's the first day for the new medical interns, paramedic and nursing students all at the same time.
The paramedics tell you the patient you just received with a closed head injury, flail chest and positive belly tap is in "much better shape than the one still being cut out of the minivan.
You hear there is an influenza epidemic traveling like wild fire through the local convalescent homes.
The psychiatric patient's delusions are beginning to make sense.
Mar 7, '02
from deep in the heart of texas
I knew last night was gonna be bad. The first chart I picked up the patient was c/o low Abd pain and discharge. So i walked this Young Lady back to the Gyn room, She had lovely hair, was in a very nice dress, nail polish and all. I handed her a gown and placed her chart in the rack. About 30 minutes later the MD walked in to the gyn room, Came out yelling for me. Gave me the dickens for doing this to him. I really didnt know it was a man in a dress. Fooled me. Guess Im just getting old. It will be a long time before I live this mistake down.
Keep it in the short grass yall
Mar 12, '02
Don't worry about it, Teeituptom; we have a regular that fits the description you made above (and has a great sence of humor about it).
We love it when this patient comes in and we have a new doc in the ER. We don't tell them on purpose.
One doc (who was not the brightest bulb in the box, and is no longer with us) never did figure it out and the patient came in with abd. pain. Gave this patient a Gyn consult!