Why Women Take So Long in the Bathroom

Absolutely awesome!!!!!! You are my hero Maybe I can use this to explain to my friends my issue with public bathrooms!!!!!

You have no idea how hard i'm laughing right now!!!! That story about the public bathroom is so true! The only thing they left out if while you're performing a three ring circus act to pee, the little kid in with his mom in the next stall keeps trying to sneak in!! Happens to me EVERY TIME ! Thanks for the awesome laugh!

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and
now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the
waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax,
you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm
and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else)
and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?
I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to
figure this out.

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each
other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my
genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin
around it tight and pull.

It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can
do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinair.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the
kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship. Using the same procedure as before (hairdryer and all), I apply the one strip to the right side of my bikini line, stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip)

I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! And then, I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!

Then, vision
returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
strip. Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and
spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I
hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I hold up the strip. There's no hair on it! Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see
the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?

I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

I hear the slamming of a cell door. *hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do
and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop.
My head may pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

WRONG!!!!!!! I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt
cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a
phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has
waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a
very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are
glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks
for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. And fails miserably.

I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the
wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie stuff covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot
water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and ...


The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend. It's sooo painful, I but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!"

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice
to my grief and ....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......Now that's funny ......
Notttttttttt. Send this on to other ladies who need a good laugh