Why Women Are Cranky

  1. With apologies to the guys and acknowledging that you have it tough too . . . but some of the following made me laugh. steph



    > Why women are cranky
    > >
    > >We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old. Enter the
    almighty,
    > >uncomfortable training bra contraption.
    > >
    > >Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along
    with
    > >those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies,
    > >have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed
    > >cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.
    > >
    > >Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the
    > >first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus
    > >through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his
    little
    > >cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.
    > >
    > >Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and
    > >water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over
    > >Brother John.
    > >
    > >Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live
    > >with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards
    night
    > >and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby.
    > >
    > >Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and
    we
    > >pee our pants every time we sneeze. When the big moment arrives, the dam
    in
    > >our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of
    the
    > >mall and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the
    way
    > >to the ER.
    > >
    > >Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop
    > >screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more (or 10)
    good
    > >push," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the bastard
    (and
    > >hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed
    10
    > >lb. bowling ball through a keyhole.
    > >
    > >After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when all
    that
    > >"cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking,
    > >jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
    > >
    > >The teen years. Need I say more? The kids are almost grown now and we
    women
    > >hit our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30's to early 40's while hubby
    > >had his somewhere around his 18th birthday (which just happens to be the
    > >reason all that early hot man sex got you pregnant in the first place).
    > >
    > >Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the grandmother of all
    > >womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance cancer in those now
    seasoned
    > >"buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in
    July,
    > >wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything
    that
    > >moves.
    > >
    > >Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off
    > >so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the
    woods
    > >without soaking their socks...
    > >
    > >Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make the Great Ghandi a
    tad
    > >crabby.
    > >
    > >Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

    •  
  2. 8 Comments

  3. by   jnette
    heh... who ever said women are the weaker sex, anyway?
    Whoever coined that phrase was surely on crack.
  4. by   Danamegg
    Precious!
  5. by   Brownms46
    :roll
  6. by   Spidey's mom
    Glad something I posted made you smile in a good way. :kiss

    Again, my favorite . . .being able to pee in the woods without getting your socks all wet. Wow, wouldn't that be great?

    steph
  7. by   Brownms46
    steph...I need to stop taking a drink of anything when I open these things...this one and the one about Clinton..almost made me spew lemonade on my screen...:chuckle. I think being about to pee without getting anything wet...would be totally cool!! Thank you very much!! :kiss
  8. by   Spidey's mom
    Brownie . .you are drinking lemonade and I'm drinking wine . .

    When my sister and I were of elementary school age, we tried to pee like boys . . .and got our socks wet. So, that is truly funny to me.

    steph
  9. by   nursedawn67
    Too funny!! :roll :chuckle
  10. by   Brownms46
    Strawberry lemonade is my fav Steph! And I tried to same thing when I was little. I thought it looks cool...:chuckle. I think my mother caught me doing it. :chuckle.

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