the week before Christmas

I have to share this:

Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the floor,
the lasix was filling the foleys galore.
Stockings were worn to prevent emboli.
They came in 2 sizes: knee and thigh high

The patients were nestled half-assed in their beds,
while visions of stool softeners danced in their heads.
We in our scrubs, and they in their gowns,
the fashions created to hide extra pounds.

When down in the ER became such a zoo
they called for admission for me and for you.
They're coming, they're going
they're looking the same.
My patience for patients is starting to wane

Now call lights are ringing, the patient expounds
"I've not had my peri care, send someone down."
And now delegation seems like a good plan
we pass unto others the needs of this man.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear
but Santa himself and 8 tiny reindeer.
He states that he just came from central supply,
to bring us: LR, NS, and D5.

The doctors then scribbled what no one could read,
orders for patients, to measure their pee.
We try to decipher illegible words,
orders for patients go guaiac their turds.

The new shift arriving, our day is now through.
How'd the stool and the emesis get in my shoe??
We tape a report and pass on the facts,
and tell of the duoderm lining the cracks

So the nurses exclaimed as they drove out of sight...ambien to all...and to all a good night!