True ER stories

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These are apparently true ER stories that someone emailed me. Could go under the lame awards but they weren't mine.(although they could be)

Enjoy!

INNER SKELETON-----

> > > >

> > > > A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital

> > > > in Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed

> > > > that she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus

> > > > which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged

> > > > outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.

> > > >

> > > > FEMALE SOFA-----

> > > > A 500lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a

> > > > hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler

> > > > fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one

> > > > of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged

> > > > between the folds of her vulva.

> > > >

> > > > PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH!

> > > > In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations

> > > > >to his member. He complained that his wife had

> > > > >"...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex.

> > > > >After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that

> > > > >she had a surgical needle left inside her after a

> > > > >recent hysterectomy.

> > > >

> > > > PING PONG ANYONE?-----

> > > > A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in

> > > > his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend was

> > > > fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend

> > > > had the idea of pouring the mix into his orifice using a

> > > > funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation

> > > > and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete

> > > > cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a

> > > > ping-pong ball. (Boy we live sheltered lives - thank

> > > > goodness)

> > > >

> > > > BLIND DRUNK-----

> > > > A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining

> > > > of severe pain while trying to remove his contact

> > > > lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but

> > > > they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help

> > > > using a suction pump, but without success.

> > > > Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did

> > > > not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been

> > > > trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.

> > > >

> > > > OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!-----

> > > > A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency

> > > > room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The

> > > > man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had

> > > > hers around her head. They eventually explained to

> > > > doctors that they had gone out that evening for a

> > > > romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept

> > > > under the table to administer oral sex to the man.

> > > > While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which

> > > > caused her to clamp down on the man's member and wrench it

> > > > from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man

> > > > grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let

> > > > go.

> > > > And you all thought your day was going bad!!!!

Horrible stories!!

Espec the cornea story!!

These could go in Ripley's "Believe it or Not"!!

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.............................ripping his corneas out...YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

;)

Ahh........naw.........you go ahead and flip channels all you want.............There's,,uhmmm........really nothing on I want to watch.:o :roll ..........................Batteries?..............nope, I have no idea how to install those.....

Have you seen my car keys?...............oh nooooooooo!:eek:

Well, these are some that I haven't heard before, I'll admit. Of course, the 500 lb woman - everyone has heard of her, with varying oddities in the folds of her body.

Overall, though, I'd give this a G for gross.

BTW, what kind of "nurse" would try to suction out a contact?

Specializes in Case Management, Life Care Planning.

What would ever possess you to try and pave your bowel?? I mean, are we that short of public works projects???

Just to give credit where it is due, these stories come from a book called True Stories from ER. I can't remember who wrote it at this moment, but it is a great book with stories that make you fall down laughing, cry, and wonder how the human race survived for this long.

Specializes in ER, ICU, L&D, OR.

Howdy yall

from deep in the heart of texas

Not to long ago, the ems were called to a nursing home for a 45 y/o 600 lb patient c/o abd pain. Rather than load him in the ambulance, They just decided to wheel him and his bed down the road to the hospital, so here was a med unit and a engine at the scene leading a parade at 0100 down the road to the ER with the fire department pushing the bed all the way into the ER, only about a mile and a half. Gotta admit I wish I had a picture of that.

keep it in the short grass yall

Teeituptom

actually i have contacts and have not been able to feel when the are dislodged and have tried to take out my corneal membrane several times..of course this usually happens after a double

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