True ER stories

  1. These are apparently true ER stories that someone emailed me. Could go under the lame awards but they weren't mine.(although they could be)
    Enjoy!



    INNER SKELETON-----
    > > > >
    > > > > A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital
    > > > > in Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed
    > > > > that she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus
    > > > > which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged
    > > > > outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.
    > > > >
    > > > > FEMALE SOFA-----
    > > > > A 500lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a
    > > > > hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler
    > > > > fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one
    > > > > of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged
    > > > > between the folds of her vulva.
    > > > >
    > > > > PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH!
    > > > > In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations
    > > > > >to his penis. He complained that his wife had
    > > > > >"...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex.
    > > > > >After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that
    > > > > >she had a surgical needle left inside her after a
    > > > > >recent hysterectomy.
    > > > >
    > > > > PING PONG ANYONE?-----
    > > > > A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in
    > > > > his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend was
    > > > > fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend
    > > > > had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a
    > > > > funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation
    > > > > and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete
    > > > > cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a
    > > > > ping-pong ball. (Boy we live sheltered lives - thank
    > > > > goodness)
    > > > >
    > > > > BLIND DRUNK-----
    > > > > A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining
    > > > > of severe pain while trying to remove his contact
    > > > > lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but
    > > > > they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help
    > > > > using a suction pump, but without success.
    > > > > Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did
    > > > > not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been
    > > > > trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.
    > > > >
    > > > > OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!-----
    > > > > A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency
    > > > > room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The
    > > > > man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had
    > > > > hers around her head. They eventually explained to
    > > > > doctors that they had gone out that evening for a
    > > > > romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept
    > > > > under the table to administer oral sex to the man.
    > > > > While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which
    > > > > caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it
    > > > > from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man
    > > > > grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let
    > > > > go.
    > > > > And you all thought your day was going bad!!!!
    •  
  2. 9 Comments

  3. by   semstr
    Horrible stories!!
    Espec the cornea story!!
  4. by   unmovableshortie
    These could go in Ripley's "Believe it or Not"!!
  5. by   ERNurse752
    Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww............................. ripping his corneas out...YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. by   Peeps Mcarthur
    Ahh........naw.........you go ahead and flip channels all you want.............There's,,uhmmm........really nothing on I want to watch. :roll ..........................Batteries?.............. nope, I have no idea how to install those.....

    Have you seen my car keys?...............oh nooooooooo!
  7. by   CATHYW
    Well, these are some that I haven't heard before, I'll admit. Of course, the 500 lb woman - everyone has heard of her, with varying oddities in the folds of her body.
    Overall, though, I'd give this a G for gross.
    BTW, what kind of "nurse" would try to suction out a contact?
  8. by   ryaninmtv
    What would ever possess you to try and pave your bowel?? I mean, are we that short of public works projects???
  9. by   NurseJenn
    Just to give credit where it is due, these stories come from a book called True Stories from ER. I can't remember who wrote it at this moment, but it is a great book with stories that make you fall down laughing, cry, and wonder how the human race survived for this long.
  10. by   teeituptom
    Howdy yall
    from deep in the heart of texas

    Not to long ago, the ems were called to a nursing home for a 45 y/o 600 lb patient c/o abd pain. Rather than load him in the ambulance, They just decided to wheel him and his bed down the road to the hospital, so here was a med unit and a engine at the scene leading a parade at 0100 down the road to the ER with the fire department pushing the bed all the way into the ER, only about a mile and a half. Gotta admit I wish I had a picture of that.

    keep it in the short grass yall
    Teeituptom
  11. by   alwaysthere
    actually i have contacts and have not been able to feel when the are dislodged and have tried to take out my corneal membrane several times..of course this usually happens after a double

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