True ER stories

These are apparently true ER stories that someone emailed me. Could go under the lame awards but they weren't mine.(although they could be)
Enjoy!



INNER SKELETON-----
> > > >
> > > > A 63 year old widow was admitted to the hospital
> > > > in Recife, Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed
> > > > that she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus
> > > > which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged
> > > > outside the womb and was never expelled from her body.
> > > >
> > > > FEMALE SOFA-----
> > > > A 500lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a
> > > > hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler
> > > > fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one
> > > > of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged
> > > > between the folds of her vulva.
> > > >
> > > > PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH!
> > > > In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations
> > > > >to his penis. He complained that his wife had
> > > > >"...a rat in her privates..." and it bit him during sex.
> > > > >After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that
> > > > >she had a surgical needle left inside her after a
> > > > >recent hysterectomy.
> > > >
> > > > PING PONG ANYONE?-----
> > > > A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in
> > > > his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend was
> > > > fooling around with concrete mix, then his boyfriend
> > > > had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a
> > > > funnel. The concrete then hardened, causing constipation
> > > > and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete
> > > > cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a
> > > > ping-pong ball. (Boy we live sheltered lives - thank
> > > > goodness)
> > > >
> > > > BLIND DRUNK-----
> > > > A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining
> > > > of severe pain while trying to remove his contact
> > > > lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but
> > > > they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help
> > > > using a suction pump, but without success.
> > > > Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did
> > > > not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been
> > > > trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.
> > > >
> > > > OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH!-----
> > > > A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency
> > > > room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The
> > > > man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had
> > > > hers around her head. They eventually explained to
> > > > doctors that they had gone out that evening for a
> > > > romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept
> > > > under the table to administer oral sex to the man.
> > > > While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which
> > > > caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it
> > > > from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man
> > > > grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let
> > > > go.
> > > > And you all thought your day was going bad!!!!