Hi there folks! Just sitting here in front of the boob tube pondering the things that REALLY help to make a trip to the ER a great experience...
1. Know that when you walk in that we care, just not that much.
2. If you can talk, u can beathe.
3. If you can scream you can breathe really well.
4. If you can scream, swear and hit the staff you can breathe better than most everyone.
5. Every patient deserves some risperdal every once in a while; share with your nurse!
6. Your "need" for water now is not an emergency; have youever not peed in 8 hrs. when youhad togo 3 hrs. ago?
7. Unless you are in trendelenberg, on 5 drips, and on a vent youaren't sick.
8. BRING YOUR SHOES!!! 'nuff said.
9. If you have spent X yrs. not parenting your child, a psych eval is not gonna help.
10. DO NOT get angered with the staff if we parent your child when you do not. The ER is not Roper Room, a playground or a party. The carts are not filled with toys, and it is not my job to "entertain". The staff runs like banshees; not the visitors/patients. Period.
11. Do not allow children to crawl on floors; see #8. Do you have any IDEA what's on the floor?!? I don't even wear my work shoes in MY HOUSE!
12. The ER is not the perfect place to have a family meal.
13. If you scream/swear on the phone, I will hang up.
13. Ifyou scream/swear in person, I will have you removed.
14. Attitude to staff does not equal speed with which we work.
15. Previous medical history/diagnosises do not mean your skin tear is an emergency.
16. I don't care what your neighbor said or who you know.
17. I don't care what you read on the internet.
18. If you have an X hour drive back to the city, and could have been there by now you should have left. Oh, and you would still be in the waiting room tomorrow.
19. You will not dehydrate for not having a drink in 2 hrs., esp. if you have an IV.
20. NO you cannot eat before surgery.
21. NO you cannot eat before going to the GI lab.
22. Taking the O2 mask off will not help you breathe better.
23. SHUT UP and breathe your neb!
24. NO I CAN'T LOOK AT YOUR MOLE!
25. A little blood does not equal instant death, as a vaginal bleed does not equal hemmorhaging.
26. When you cut yourself with anything, that's what adipose tissue is SUPPOSED to look like.
27. The ER is not a pcp. Go see the guy once in a whie, will ya?
28. But we really do care, HONEST!
Aug 4, '02
(especially after the night I just had!)
Aug 4, '02
NO, we don't serve BOTTLED WATER!
(had a pt refuse tap water the other night after a GI cocktail)
Aug 4, '02
PCP = Primary Care Provider. they are referring to an annual checkup. i enjoyed this,amy,even tho i am not an ER nurse. TY!
Aug 4, '02
If you walked in, are able to sit without assistance and are healthy enough to be annoyed by the wait and able to complain - it probably wasn't an emergency.
Aug 5, '02
If you have a fever you are not freezing.
You will not die if you do not get a pillow.
If you are waiting to be discharged and cannot wait for the doctor to finish with the arrest because "they are half-dead anyway" you will waitlonger because "I am just an idiot anyway".
Yes, I can put you in restraints, regardless of my size and gender, and I may do it with a smile so be nice to your nurse.
If you spit you will wear a mask, it will dribble down your face and as far as I am concerned, it can dry there.
More to come!
Aug 5, '02
and for the patient:
if i know your complaint and first name before you signed in, you have been in the ER to often.
if you know your nurses first names: you have been in the ER to often
no, we dont serve meals
no you cant spend the night because its raining
no prize for your 100 th visit
you have been hurting for 3 weeks, what makes it an emergency at 2 am
no i cant tell you if your wife has been here in the last week if you dont know her name ( adapts to any relative )
but, we really do care!
Aug 8, '02
If you walked across the parking lot without a limp and into triage with a limp, you are not qualified for a wheelchair let alone an ER exam.
If you can scream at me or scream and moan you do not have a true migraine.
I am not a waitress, figure out what you need and I won't answer your call light every 5 minutes with a different demand.
If you interrupt me while I talk with a patient or a family member about something serious, you qualify for a DNR tattoo on your forehead.
And if you come in more than once in a week without following up like your cute little discharge instructions tell you to do you will have to follow up with my foot up your a$$ and see Kevorkian.
Aug 9, '02
2 true, 2 true!!!
I sometimes want to ask (when a family member rushes in demanding a wheelchair) how did they get mom INTO the car?
I have also had pts list "er doc" as their pcp!!
I also want to know WHO and WHEN and HOW did ANYONE ever get the notion that there are "drug SAMPLES" in the ER??????
Aug 9, '02
I do understand that this post is suppose to be humorus, but I'm not up to laughing at this right now. My husband of 25 years had his 2nd MI last Monday (2 days before his 59th BD). I had not graduated from my RN program the last MI he had. Now with 12 years of RN behind me and with all the sarcasm I have accumulated, I was horrified.
Please don't judge everyone that comes into the ER. Some folks are really sick. But I promise I will need to be damn near dead before I go to an ER.
Aug 9, '02
Sheila-- you said it, girl! Here has been my experience on different days this past month: three people sick; three people go to local ED- one by car, two by ambulance; three people are sent home from ED; one person returns same night and is sent home again, he returns and dies; one returns one day later and is sent home again-he comes back and dies waiting for someone to assess him; the third person, who had first come in by car, manages to dial 911 from home a few hours after initial discharge from ED, but unfortunately was dead on the floor when the ambulance got there. I wish I could say that these folks were exceptions to the rule, but sadly, they are not-- at least not in my neck of the woods. One of these days it will hit the fan and licenses will be on the line. And may the gods help the elderly ones who happen to show up and get caught in all of that humerous cross fire. I'm sorry, Amy, but honest to gosh, sometimes it just ain't funny.
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