Thoughts to live by.....

  1. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're
    the statue.

    Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have
    to eat them.

    Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in
    the middle of it.

    Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors,
    and miss.

    Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by
    their maker.

    Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen
    to you for the rest of the day.

    If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a watergun
    and shoot other people in the eyes.

    If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

    If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

    If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it
    was probably worth it.

    If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

    It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
    warning to others.

    Never buy a car you can't push.

    Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then
    you don't have a leg to stand on.

    Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys
    the pig.

    Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

    The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.

    When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

    You are what you eat. So stay away from the jerk chicken.

    Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school -- you'll be working
    for them in the future.

    Have a good day
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  2. 32 Comments

  3. by   Zee_RN
    Oh my long time favorite!!!

    "Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig."

    I LOVE that one! First time I saw it, I laughed so hard I cried! Thanks for the reminder! *tee-hee* *snicker* *snort*
  4. by   prmenrs
    A mother keeps watching her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.

    At the time, I was her only middle-aged child!!!
  5. by   heartholder
    I am currently working in Nashville in the open heart or...there is a surgeon there that says the darnest things......here are a few that I have heard:
    "strip me from behind" (talking to first assistant regarding vein graft)
    " don't grap my fatty wad" ( once again talking to his first assistant )
    " don't touch me there yet, I'm not ready"
    only nurses can appreciate these !!!
  6. by   cmggriff
    In the USAR we had Rules of Engagement, to whit:
    Remain quiet, and keep a low profile. Attracting attention to yourself draws fire.

    Do not draw fire. It irritates those around you.

    When in doubt, empty the magazine.

    Friedly fire isn't.

    Supressive fire doesn't.

    A five second fuse is only two seconds long.
  7. by   donmurray
    Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes.
    After that, who cares? He's a mile away, and you've got his shoes!
  8. by   fergus51
    I love those!! It reminds me of my late grandma who had a million sayings for every occasion. My favorite's were "a dress should be tight enough to show that you're a woman, but loose enough to show that you're a lady" (when I was 16 and a little skanky looking) and "only dead fish swim upstream" (when I was complaining about nursing school).
  9. by   pixxel
    Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes.....
    donmurray - I've never heard that before, but I think I want it tatooed somewhere on me! That's just brilliant!
  10. by   debbyed
  11. by   radnurse2001
    1. If you can't say anything nice, come sit next to me.
    2. As useless as t!ts on a bull
    3. Everything I'd ever need to know, I learned in kindergarten
    4. If life is a bowl of cherries, I'm stuck in the pits
    5. Life is like a s&*t sandwich, every day I take another bite
    6. Life is like a bed of roses, you always got to watch out for the pricks
    7.I'm so confused I don't know if I should scratch my watch or wind by butt
    8. I'm so excited I don't know if I should s**t or go bowling


    Just for a few laughs.


    Anne
  12. by   misti_z
    Those are great Anne!
  13. by   kaycee
    Originally posted by donmurray
    Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes.
    After that, who cares? He's a mile away, and you've got his shoes!
    These are all great, but donmurray I loved yours!
  14. by   donmurray
    Thanks, guys, but I stole it from this barefoot man!

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