Things you say and......

  1. ...wish you could take back....Hehehehehehe These are soooooo funny!

    > > > Have you ever spoken and wished that you could take the words
    back...or
    > > > that you could crawl into a hole? Here are a few stories of people who
    > did
    > >
    > and do....
    > > >
    > > > 1) I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
    and
    > > > asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
    > > > turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
    didn't
    > > > say a word... he knew better.
    > > >
    > > > 2) I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
    > was
    > > > unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
    > > > several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
    > who
    > > > works
    > > > atthe store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked
    at
    > > > him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
    > > >
    > > > 3) My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
    > > > variety of nuts.
    > > > As we were looking at the display case
    , the boy behind the counter
    > asked
    > > > if we needed
    > > > any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking atyour nuts.
    > > > "My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I
    turned
    > > > beet-red and
    > > > walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
    > > >
    > > > 4) While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
    > release
    > > > some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
    her
    > > > after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I
    > told
    > > > her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
    > punished.
    > > > To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
    > > > threatening,
    > > > "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
    > > > kissing Daddy's
    > > > pee-pee last night!" The silen
    ce was deafening after this
    enlightening
    > > > exchange.
    > > > Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last
    of
    > > my
    > > > dignity
    > > > and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I
    > heard
    > > > when
    > > > the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
    > > >
    > > > 5) A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she
    finally
    > > > got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price
    > tag.
    > > > Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and
    > boomed
    > > > out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX
    > > > SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the
    > store
    > > > apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a
    > > > >business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the
    intercom. "DO YOU
    WANT
    > > > THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A
    > > > HAMMER?"
    > > >
    > > > 6) Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
    > > > three-year-old son had
    > > > a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One
    > day
    > > > we stopped at
    > > > Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with
    a
    > > > full dining room.
    > > > While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
    > checked
    > > > my seven-month-old
    > > > daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked
    to
    > > go
    > > > potty in a while,
    > > > so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking,
    > "Oh
    > > > Lord, that child
    > > > has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I
    said,
    > &
    gt; > "Danny, are you
    > > > SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW
    that
    > he
    > > > must have had an
    > > > accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one
    more
    > > > time, "Danny, did
    > > > you have an accident?"
    > > > This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread
    his
    > > > cheeks and yelled.
    > > > "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
    > > > While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he
    > calmly
    > > > pulled up his pants
    > > > and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the
    > > best
    > > > laugh they'd ever had!
    > > >
    > > > 7) This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a
    very
    > > > embarrassed female
    > > > news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
    > What
    > > >
    happens when you
    > > > predict snow but don't get any....a true story...
    > > > We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
    > > > snowed and didn't,
    > > > turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you
    > > > promised me last night?"
    > > >
    > > > Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they
    > were
    > > > laughing so hard!
    •  
  2. 5 Comments

  3. by   tattooednursie
    LOL. I like the one about the farts LOL
  4. by   jnette
    Just toooooo funny ! Those were GREAT ! Thanx for sharing these ! Loved 'em ALL !

    PS:
    The golfball one reminds me of my mom a few yrs. ago while we were visiting her out in Az. We took the hubster to the golfcourse and were going to watch him tee off, then leave to go about our business. As he was waiting for his team we sat there and chatted. He had picked out a few of his favorite balls and handed them to my mom while he checked his clubs. Just then his team and cart arrived and he jumped up, joined his buddies and they started off.

    My mom (80 years old) jumps up and starts running after them, chasing behind the cart down the course.. yelling at the top of her lungs ( in her VERY Austrian accent, to boot) "Jay ! Jay ! Your BALLS !!! I have dem still in my hand...Jay! You forget your balls !"...
  5. by   jadednurse
    What a hoot these were, I loved them!

    And jnette, the visual of your mother running around saying "your balls, I have them in my hand!" I almost choked laughing!
  6. by   nowplayingEDRN
    Oh Jeanette.....that story was WAYYYYYY too funny.....lol Glad ya enjoyed these.
  7. by   mageean
    Just what I needed to brighten my day!

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