Things you really wish you could say to patient/family of pt

Nurses Humor

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I don't know if there is a thread like this is already on here but after the last few days i can't resist:

*If you are well enough to cuddle with your 250 lb husband at 3 a.m. in a twin sized bed (including pet names, smooches, giggles, and pillow talk) you are not sick enough to be here, please go home and snuggle in your own bed.

*I just witnessed the birth of your child; I believe I can handle the congratulatory kiss on the forehead your uncle just gave you, without you feeling embarrased for me.

*I really understand that due to an IV and countless lab sticks your 4 year old now has a fear of anyone in scrubs; however, all I need is her temp which will be easier to get if you stop saying, "The new lady doesnt have needles sweetie..."

*While true a little indulgence is okay sometimes, please do not eat a candy bar out of the vending machine for every vegetable on your dinner tray. :uhoh3:

*If you don't want the CNA/Lab/RT in your room between 10 p.m. and 7 a.m. please, please, please, I beg you have the doctor write an order, do not construct the leaning tower of funiture just inside your door. Not only is this a hazard to you, but when you go into cardiac arrest at 2 a.m. it becomes a hazard to the hospital staff.

and lastly.................

Please DO NOT sign out AMA, with severe chest pain, because doc made you NPO, call 911 two hours after you get home and tell the medics who bring you back that those evil people made you leave, not only will said people still be working the ER we will be waiting with a 16g and have the bed next to the sweet LOM who sings Barney all made up for you. :devil::devil::lol2::devil::devil: (sorry know its a run on)

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I know you are here to assure great care for your demented, aphasiac father. Thanks for pointing out that I should dispose of that cheap stethescope after someone dropped it on the floor (eww, the 'bugs' that might be on it!) I *do* see how aware you are of everything we do.

Might I make a suggestion, though? See that "Contact Precaution" sign on the door with those plastic gowns and boxes of gloves? Well they are there for everyone's protection. May I suggest that since your father has MRSA, you may want to put them on while you are in the room? OH! And please, after not wearing a gown or gloves, don't come to the nurses station and touch the counter. We wouldn't want to spread MRSA to other patients who drop by our station and touch that same counter!

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Bumping this just so I don't have to make another thread about the same thing! :)

Some patients' families are so nice. Others, however...:banghead:

--You have had from 7 in the morning until 7 pm to visit whoever you wish. That is 12 whole hours. So please do not come and rudely ring the side door at 9:20 pm when every patient and resident is asleep, come in to visit grandma, and ask me if I'm having a good shift. I was, until you woke up my very confused, but ambulatory patient. Now he is attempting to climb over the nursing station and won't go back to bed.

--Tell your rude daughters to stop throwing the periwash bottle around. It's not cute, and FYI I use it to clean people's behinds.

--I don't plan on signing any papers regarding your mother's house.

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Your mom is in our locked psych ward... but after meeting you, I do believe we've locked up the wrong person... and if Mom was living with you, no wonder she went crazy.

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Specializes in Post-Anesthesia Care.

I wish I could say, " you should have told the anesthesia provider and myself that you take percocets tens around the clock x2 years, if we had known we would have upped your dose of pain meds right away in PACU. No wonder you are writhing in pain! It truly hurts to Not share. If your allergies are to all pain medicines except Dilaudid how convenient for you? Seriously if your ABD hurts that bad why did you get a bag of cheetos from the snack machine on the way in to the ED?

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I SOOOOOO love the patients (not!) that have an allergy to everything but dilaudid......AND they HAVE to have it via IV! Yeah, whatever!!!!!!

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Some patients' families are so nice. Others, however...:banghead:

--You have had from 7 in the morning until 7 pm to visit whoever you wish. That is 12 whole hours. So please do not come and rudely ring the side door at 9:20 pm when every patient and resident is asleep, come in to visit grandma, and ask me if I'm having a good shift. I was, until you woke up my very confused, but ambulatory patient. Now he is attempting to climb over the nursing station and won't go back to bed.

QUOTE]

I can really relate to that. One of my pet peeves is family that inform us they are "spending the night" in the room with their family member. Umm...no. It's inappropriate and against rules (not to mention the clearly posted visiting hours). It's really frustrating when they argue endlessly, we finally get them to leave (go get some sleep already, you're going to need it!), and then find them camped out in the room when we make rounds.

This is a hospital, not the Hilton, or a fast food restaurant. You can't "have it your way".

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Specializes in SNF, LTC, MED/SURG, ER.

It's not my fault that you were too stupid to call an ambulance or bring adequate oxygen for your mom that is severely short of breath. Don't get ****** because I bring an oxygen tank on wheels and a wheelchair in order to make sure she has the oxygen you were too stupid to make sure she had. Your ingrown toenail is NOT an emergency. You're just going to have to wait because the Er staff is busy coding a 2 year old. You're breathing, he's not. Sit down and shut up.

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Specializes in 3 years MS/Tele, 10 years total ICU, 5 travel.

*background info* Got pulled to help in ER many times at my first hospital. The n/v babies were my faves. Call comes in, 2 month old with n/v. I'm thinking GI issues, dehydration, so on, and God only knows what what the regular ED staff thought of.

RN: "what's going on with your baby?"

Mom: "S/he's throwing up"

RN: How long ago did this start?"

Mom: "3 hours ago"

RN: "And how many times has your baby thrown up?"

Mom: "Once"

RN: "Was there any blood, or unusual smell?"

Mom: "No"

Wish we could say: "And you're in the ER at 2 am... WHY, exactly?"

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