Things the patient shouldn't hear during surgery:

  1. Nobody move, I just lost a contact lens.

    Well, folks, this will be an experiment for us all.

    you know what a kidney goes for on the black market these days? And this guy has two of them.

    Better save that, We'll need it for the autopsy.
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  2. 11 Comments

  3. by   KaraLea
    Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingy.

    Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff?

    Damn, there go the lights again.

    Someone call the janitor--we're going to need a mop.
  4. by   cmggriff
    "Oops!"

    "I've never seen anything like that before."

    "I just learned this technique yesterday."

    "What do you mean this isn't Mr. Smith?"

    "I thought this was the bad one?"
    Gary
  5. by   Jen911
    "I saw this on an episode of ER once!"
  6. by   Dplear
    "Hold my scotch and water and watch this......"
    "oh ****"
    "Dude...wheres my scalpel?"
  7. by   WashYaHands
    "Hold this while I go to the bank to deposit my paycheck"

    Linda
  8. by   kittyw
    Originally posted by WashYaHands
    "Hold this while I go to the bank to deposit my paycheck"

    Linda
    :chuckle Sad... but funny!
  9. by   rebelwaclause
    "I'll be right back"

    (See the story about the Surgeon who went to the bank during a spinal fusion!).....
  10. by   OrthoNutter
    "Hang on....this person doesn't have an appendix. Let's go find the gall bladder...."

    "But I don't do mastectomy....oh jolly heck...let's just have a go anyway"

    "Would anyone mind if I ducked out for a quick ciggie?"
  11. by   Jen911
    Surgeon: "Good afternoon, Dr, Jones!! What do you mean, what am I doing to YOUR patient??? Isn't this OR6?? ooooooooooops...."
  12. by   Andy S.
    lol- you guys got to hear this!

    When I was a student I was observing a surgery, nothing special only a lapchole. They finished up and were getting ready to transfer him back to the stretcher when the blanket covering his legs snagged on something and pulled down. It pulled down enough to see something wasn't right, the air put in his abd during surgery had traveled down......to his scrotum. His scrotum was HUGE! Well, there is the surgeon SQUEEZING his scrotum making sure it is air and not blood. Then from behind the patient's head you hear....."Knock it off, I'm waking him up!!" Imagine waking up from surgery like that!!

    Everyone could hardly keep from tears from not laughing until the patient was taken to PACU.
    Last edit by Andy S. on Aug 15, '02
  13. by   DIPLOMATICRN4HIRE
    Working in surgery myself there isnt hardly a day goes by that I dont just about die from laughing, if it isnt the patient , its the Dr, and if not him the anesthesia, or the techs I work with... The best humor is sick humor;
    Just last week in an anal fisutla case: Dr made statement of : Oh this is gonna hurt,( he noticed that his srubs had untied themselves and he was in a room full of woman) lol(ode to the sterile gown )
    yes it hurt , his pride
    patients waking up and talking in thier sleep , thats always something good....
    I have learned more gibberish cuss words in Or than ever working the floor or ER
    and yes as I read the posting about the co2 in the mans scrotum during the lap chole - thats not all that uncommon , they usually wake up and start swinging.
    Had one patient we shall say she was a Healthy female and we were doing some gyn case on her and a or tech came into the room and she under half anesthesia inadvertantly informed him of what she would do to him if he was just 4 inches longer... Needless to say he was beet red and didnt return to our room the rest of the day, and didnt speak us for almost a week to this day I smile and whisper 4 inches more to him and crack up
    Most of the things that happen in the Or are warped and I love them,It breaks the seriousness of the cases and the high pressure... But yes a Dr will always ask for the mysterious instrument that one he knows what he is asking for.
    Zoe

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