Things patients have taught me NOT to do...

Oh boy, you have all sure learned a lot - here are some things I have learned....

Never walk on a train track while high on meth...

Always wear safty googles while playing paint ball/or checking out the paintball gun....

Don't jump off a 2 story building to escape from the police because your boyfriend to whom you have a restraining order is visiting for a booty call...

You can get a lot of customers (prostitution) even though you are a pt in the hospital, have 2 t-packs draining copious amts of pus from your chronically infected s/p lami...

Man was not meant to fly...

Never take your goldfish out of the bowl and play with it on your tummy because it my "accidently" swim up your vagina.


I Hate it when that happens..LOL...

here are some ob things I have learned:

Never get your Depo-Provera in Mexico.

Never assume you are sterile just because you didn't get pregnant with your last 3 lovers.

Never take your goldfish out of the bowl and play with it on your tummy because it my "accidently" swim up your vagina.

Never assume that cute little fish tattoo on your abdomen will stay cute when stretched by 9 months of pregnancy.

Never stay with a man you can't get to leave the bar long enough to come to your baby's delivery, even if he makes frequent calls saying he will be there in just a minute.

Never bring your husband and your current boyfriend to the same delivery.

Never attempt to hurdle the bedrails.

Make sure that the PCA button is in your hand BEFORE you sit back down on the bed. Those things wind up 8 inches up the vagina SO easily!

Do not have sex in a rocking chair post-op.

Vases are uncomfortable in the rectum.

Crisco, believe it or no, is not a good cure for vaginal dryness.

Vaporub is not a good thing to use to prolong an erection (more like KILL the mood).

A small rose tattoo on the breast will eventually be a long- stemmer.

Someone other than your husband will eventually see the "*ss, grass, or gas, no one rides free" tattoo that you had to shave your pubic hair off to receive.

Backing out the garage before the garage door is up won't get ou on the road anytime soon.

Spraying an alcohol-based facial toner WHILE the cigarette is in your mouth is evidently a bad thing (that woman was beyond lucky).




If i think of anymore, i'll post again.

(BTW this is what i've seen as an AIDE, i still have till June before i'm a NURSE!! lol)

A pt taught me not to believe a fortune teller/healer when she tells me you your diabetes is cured, because you slept with "special enchanted" leaves that she sold you taped to your forehead , just like she instructed you to.

You might end up going to the ED w/ blurred vision and a bs >700 from drinking cokes and eating candy bars all day.

Trixxy....

I had just come from a sweet small community hopsital to a major trauma/county hospital when I learned most of these lessons.... Talk about being shocked, I think I had the pt with the T-packs my first week and couldn't believe that this was actually happening.....

Lori

Man was not meant to fly...


He probably will never stop trying tho....

An umbrella is no substitute for a parachute.