Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Nurses Humor

Updated:   Published

You are reading page 117 of Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Specializes in Oncology/Haemetology/HIV.

And for some stupid MD tricks:

When you are the top Orthopedics surgeon in a 3 county area....and you decide to do your own yard work...when you cut your (dominant) hand with a chain saw, do not say, "Oh, I can handle this myself", and prescribe your own ABX. You may get a raging infection and damage to your hand that will prevent you from operating solo for several years.

rph3664

1,714 Posts

Actually, at one time bleach WAS intended to be a douche. In the early 20th century, there were several douches on the market that were actually diluted chlorine bleach.

Dakin's Solution is highly diluted bleach, although it's used nowadays for wound care. And Lysol was used as a douche, both for hygiene and also for STD treatment. Women had it diluted in something like a tablespoonful in 2 quarts of the hottest water they could stand; men had their urethras flush with the straight stuff. :eek:

Jay Leno's "Headlines" once featured an old ad about a woman who "restored harmony to my marriage" by using Lysol. :up:

CrazierThanYou

1,917 Posts

Young man wants nice pecs... plastic surgery to the rescue...US rates are too expensive... he goes to Mexico because they can do it for only $700... ends up with a "nice" set of female hooters, and the extra bonus of sepsis and dialysis...

I saw a woman who went to Mexico for a tummy tuck. Her incision literally looked like it had been done with a chainsaw. Developed a raging infection, nearly died, recovered, and RETURNED to Mexico for MORE surgery...

auntb219

17 Posts

don't lotion/grease up for dry skin then fall in the bathroom floor "accidentally" landing on "something" that goes up the rectum -------it was a bed post -------so help me

CrazierThanYou

1,917 Posts

If you are working under a car with a gas leak, do NOT use a lit candle for a light source. This guy ended up setting his entire head on fire. It could have been a very bad outcome but he recovered with minimal scarring.

shescoolie

137 Posts

Specializes in Telemetry, Med-Surg.
Learned this one through experience....never talk to a patient while changing their colostomy bag....if he farts, that's going STRAIGHT into your mouth and you'll taste it for the rest of the night. Gross gross and GROSS!

:no::no::barf02::barf02::barf02::barf02::barf02::barf01::barf01:

THIS IS THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WORST THING I HAVE EVER EVER EVER READ ON HERE EVER IN MY LIFE! lol

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

:hhmth:

don't lotion/grease up for dry skin then fall in the bathroom floor "accidentally" landing on "something" that goes up the rectum -------it was a bed post -------so help me
:hhmth:
Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
:no::no::barf02::barf02::barf02::barf02::barf02::barf01::barf01:

THIS IS THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WORST THING I HAVE EVER EVER EVER READ ON HERE EVER IN MY LIFE! lol

The ejaculated semen was my worst nightmare. :eek::barf01::barf01::barf01::barf01::barf01::barf01::barf01:

Doc Lori, R.N.

1 Article; 135 Posts

Specializes in Dialysis,M/S,Home Care,LTC, Admin,Rehab.

whoa. Amazing!? You should receive the Florence Nightingale award for selfless service. Sheesh.

jvr1581

18 Posts

haha..never put bees in your member!?

Specializes in I will be starting in Nursing homes.
Hmmmm.... Okay....

Before you decide to plug in the new plug for the dryer (220 line) and the plug isn't "technically" installed in the dryer yet, at least make sure all the metal connections are NOT TOUCHING. (my husband did this) :rolleyes:

If your mother is backing the car up in the driveway - DO NOT walk between said car and another parked car in the driveway - you just might get pinned and break both legs.

If you are feeling suicidal/self loathing, do not attempt to cut off your member and tell the ER staff that it was caught in your zipper! :confused:

If your dog bites/attacks a friend/postal employee/neighbor don't respond by saying "Gee, he's never done that before." :rolleyes:

I'm sure I'll thing of more...... LOVING this thread!

Jenny

Sad to say when I was a teen I did just that. That was when I learned flying is not fun and there is no way to hide that power surg from your parents. And that is 2 minutes of my life I will never completely remember.

I got one too.

NEVER NEVER Thing you can make a snow make with a snowmobile on an icey night. Yes sad to say i did that, I was wearing a helmet but I brused up my stomach real bad.

CoffeemateCNA

903 Posts

Never get into a kicking match with a veteran that has a prosthesis. The prosthesis will win every time.

+ Add a Comment