Things nursing school FAILED to tell us

......that you'll spend time on your hands and knees at the bedside, trying to get the bedside table to slide under the bed or to the measure the drainage in a chest tube drainage set (Pleuravac).

......how to transport a ventilated patient with invasive lines and 7 IV pumps to Radiology (at least one floor below you) for his umpteenth CT Scan.

......how to deal with the family member that has *some* medical knowledge (just enough to be dangerous but not enough to really know anything).

......that some people can literally cough out a dobhoff tube (amazing thing, to see the dobhoff going in the nose, coming out the mouth and laying there across the patient's chest).

......that the larger and more immobile the patient, the more frequently they will soil the bed.

......that the first thing your 3:00 AM admission (dx: nausea & vomiting for 3 days) will want is something to eat because "I haven't eaten for 3 days!"

also, as an RN, I've learned more tricks that make mine and my patients' lives easier from old LPN's and PCT's than I can count - for example, hooda thought shaving cream could be used in bath water to keep very smelly patients fragrant or put in styrofoam cups and placed strategically around a room would effectively eliminate that rotten meat smell that only a GI bleed can produce


Learn something new every day... now THIS is valuable information!!

I learned that the process of signing into the ER causes an instantaneous urge to pee, especially if it is one of those rare (you didn't hear me say this) slow days when we can call someone back right away.

I've learned that there is no ailment, injury, or amount of bodily fluid loss known that will keep a pt in the ER from wanting food within 5 minutes of checking in.

I've learned that the majority of the population, when thinking that they may stop by the ER later on in the day, say between 11a and 11p, will decide not to eat anything all day. Once gowned, IV'd, and hooked to the monitor, they will reveal this fact in the most plaintive tones imaginable, as if this was inflicted upon them by hospital staff.

I've learned that chips, coke, and a dash around the waiting room will cure 99% of cases of pediatric N/V/D.

I've learned that so many parents, when bringing their child to the ER, relinquish not only their responsibility for their child's health, but also for their manners, toilet training, and babysitting.

I've learned that 99% of the working population will check in, converse with RN and MD throughout multiple examinations, engage in Q&A regarding dx and treatment, but will wait until after all discharge papers are typed up and they have been taken out of the computer before mentioning, "Oh, I need a note for work."

I've learned that any civilian who has ever heard of Toradol is allergic to it.

That's all I can think of right now.

This is so true! My husband always has a thousand "logical" suggestions on how I could have made things easier on myself, or how he would have done it. He just doesn't get it. There's a huge difference between caring for surigcal patients and paving runways for Air Force fighter jets.

I don't remember my instructor telling us that after 8 hours of listening to a crack addict tell you why she HAS to have more pain meds and having 2 doctors refuse 4 times to order more, that when she threatens to go AMA, undoes her IV line from her PICC and gets ready to get her clothes, that you almost gladly get the form for her to sign and don't want to discourage her from leaving, even tho you do, because you're SO sick of her constant whining and fake puking and heaving.
Whew, that's a mouthful. My last shift in a nutshell. Ok, a coconut shell.

Ha ha this is great. Yeah...they failed to tell us how many different bodily fluids can come out of how many different orifaces all in the same person. I don't recall anyone telling me to have as many pockets as possible and to try to fill them with half the dressing cart and half the med cart just to get down the hall. I loved the one about the bladder...a nurse can drink gallons during the day and only pee twice: once when she gets up in the morning and once when she gets off shift 14hours later. Running shoes can be your best friend. Tape and/or a pair of hemostats can fix most problems. Laugh at yourself and your patient will relax. DON"T ice the ng tube. and no matter how many time you wash your hands, you still go home with the smell of someones pits on your arms.

I've learned that there is no tension breaker that is better that laughter.

There is no bigger mood killer than negativity.

Most people will not wash their periarea for days before coming in with a genital issue.

A majority of the population is uneducated about their own medications.

No matter what the letters behind the name are, it doesn't mean they know what they are doing.

No matter how much schooling you have, someone will have heard something from their neighbor's ex-boyfriend's aunt that trumps whatever pt education you are giving them.

That subtle sarcasm is the best form of entertainment.

Patients will not always agree to whatever you say, no matter how many times you explain the rationale behind it.

People will automatically assume the male nurses are the doctors and the women doctors/PAs are the nurses.

That I could be made to feel guilty for working my 12 hour shift and leaving when it is over.

I never knew men could have "innies," and I'm not talking about belly buttons.

Once I had to call a urology nurse to find the opening to insert a catheter in a man.

That so much poop can come out of little tiny baby bottoms.

That I would look at the clock at 0500 and realize that I have not eaten, peed, or sat down since arriving at 1845 the night before.

That just being nice to patients would go so far in making my shift a good one.

To never, EVER, say that I'm bored.

That the patient I anticipate being an 'easy' one will be the one to crump.

That postpartum women can bleed so much.

That a good CNA can make or break your shift.

That I better document every single time I call a doc, that way when they deny that I ever called them, my butt is not going to be as crispy when they try to fry it.

That some people should not try to have their first babies after age 40. (notice I said some...)

The trick is to poke 'em (like the Pillsbury Dough Boy).

Seriously. It works

I work on maternal/child and we once had a lady bring us in some baking (I think we had looked after a family member). Anyways, she had had a baby a couple months prior and told us that she produced so much milk that she used it for cooking for her family. She then told us not to worry that she used store bought milk for the baking she made us. Needless to say noone ate the baking.