Things nursing school FAILED to tell us

That a hospital hallway is the best place to fart.
That diarrhea is hereditary, it runs in your genes.
That if you find a man on the hospital floor and he is not unconscious,and you shock him, he will cuss.....a lot.
That it is fun to ask new grads about normal lab values, and then ask them what the normal alcohol level is.
That if you are trying to put a foley in a woman, and miss, leave it in place, then get new cath and try again, you can then tell where you do not want to put it.
If you are putting a foley in an 80 year old maid, try not to miss.
Never laugh or snicker when you are putting a catheter in a man And never ever say out loud "would you look at the size of this thing"
Treat your pct's with respect and help em out, they could save your butt.
Never put an ng tube in, allow it to come out the mouth, and then allow pt to grab both ends and pull.

That a patient has to teach a caregiver how to give a bed bath,

That the new administrator is so she doesn't even know how to teach her new staff how to do the basics of patient care

That the staff will all quit due to the new administrator's self ownership of the staff, making them all feel like little children being told what to do when in fact they could teach her a few things

That everyone gets the diarrhea at once

That poop flies

That an instructor will tell her students that old poop from an ostomy bag smells like cabbage