Things Little Old Ladies Say

Nurses Humor

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I am helping a sweet, 90-something year old, white-haired, angelic looking, completely oriented grandmother to transfer from the chair to the bed.

Patient: "Whew!! I stink! I wish I could just wash my ****!" (apparently allnurses won't even let me type what she said without some well placed dashes...it tried to star the word out!!)

So I went and got some peri-wash and helped her clean up (after I had a hysterical laughing fit in the supply room).

What are some unexpected things that sweet little old ladies have said to you?

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"Mrs. so and so can I take a peek at your dressing?"

"Sure, you can take a peek at whatever you want...and YES I am being fresh!"

All I could do was laugh. It was very unexpected from this sweet LOL.

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Not a LOL, but my patient referred to peri-care as "washing the laundry". I can't sort my laundry now without giggling!

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Specializes in NICU.

I had done a 12 lead EKG on a 86 yr old bilateral mastectomy patient. I started to take off the EKG patches and she said "Can you leave those on?" I said "why?" With a smile on her face said "I haven't had nipples in 60 years."

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During a clinical rotation in nursing school, a classmate and I were showering a LOL in the shower chair that had the hole cut in the bottom of it. My classmate hesitated and asked if she wanted to wash her own private area or let us do it. The LOL just snapped at my classmate and said "I don't care, just wash my a$$!"

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I went to go check on one of the residents to see if her depends were wet. It was the night shift and she was asleep so I lifted up her night dress and looked in and she sat up and said "what a nosey little thing you are!" And another time with a different resident she had a really loose BM accident and it was all over her front and back. So I was wiping her front and she looks at me and puts her forehead on mine and screams "THAT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT!!" I died hahaha

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I have shared this before, but it still makes me chuckle...

"Now dear, you must wash as far up as possible, as far down as possible, and don't forget possible!!"

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I was cathing an adorable little old lady and explaining the procedure to her as I was doing it. She was very curious and had a dozen questions. When I explained the catheter was placed into her urethra, she started giggling... After everything was done, she told me she had a new name for "down there", she was going to call it her Urethra Franklin. Hahahaha!

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I was listening to a conversation b/t 2 lol in wheel chairs as they were planning their escape. First lol said well, the next time the door opens we'll go. I have a sister that lives just down the street and we can run there. Second lol replied, we'll I hope it's not too far I only have one leg and can't run too fast!

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I used to work in a dementia unit. It was not uncommon to see baby dolls on the unit. Many of the residents would be comforted by these dolls; call them their babies. One night we had a resident who ran out of her room and down the hall to the locked exit doors. She shook the doors yelling out "my baby, my baby." We were able to redirect her back to bed. I said to the staff that maybe one of those dolls would help. So I took a doll to her. When I showed her the doll she grabbed it from me and said "My baby's alive!" While throwing it back at me she said "That's a doll you damn fool!"

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My first day ever in clinical in an SNF, I went in to see a LOL. Her chart said she was in her 80s, ut she looked much younger, so I asked her age. Her response was "well honey, no one can count quite that high, and I'm not real sure, but I was a waitress at the Last Supper if that helps you figure it out".

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Not at all trying to be a downer (I love this thread) but I have an observation: some of the things that we find funny coming from a little old lady would be considered totally inappropriate coming from a younger woman. In the minds of the "LOLs" of this world they probably still feel like the fun, sassy, sarcastic women of their youth. I guess that's one plus of getting old. You can say things you previously couldn't get away with and people will find it charming.

I had a hospice patient in her early 90's that would tell me on each visit that I was fat and needed to go on a diet. One time she told me I was fat just after giving her a full pedicure (polish and all). I was like, "Gee, a thank you would have been enough." I was so taken aback by her frankness I couldn't even be mad. I had a nice laugh w/ my team mates about it.

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