The Unbelievable things our Pts DO..It is true

  1. i was at a work a few weeks ago, and i was helping a cna with one of her pt (not mine) ...the pt had just been admitted that day but she was a pt i had for 3 months last yr when i was working full time...so whether she realized it or not...i knew how to handle her ..we were turning her and i heard the cna mumble something...to me it sounded like "her teeth are in her ass". now i'm sitting there thinking "is this cna crazy". i figure maybe the lady had hemorrhoids or something and she had never seen them before and were mistaken them for teeth. then i saw the cna reach down and retrieve an upper or lower (i didn't inspect them real good...lol) from between this pt legs. later i found out that the denture was actually in her vagina. we aren't quite how they got there or how long they had been there, the pt had been on morphine at the hospital so i figured maybe she thought someone was gonna still them so she hid them. they had been them a bit tho becuz she had a nice discharge to go along with them. anyways when i saw the pt's nurse. she was an agency nurse so she didn't know the ropes real well i joked with her and told her..."hey what are you doing to ur pts down there...when you admitted your pt did you not stick ur hand up in their vagina to make sure their dentures weren't there" i told her "hey don't you know we have an area on our admission papers that said "are pt dentures in her vagina" and we are suppose to check yes or no. it was so damn funny. the rest i the night all i could do was joke about it. then the cna said a little later "guess that the real meaning of getting eat out" later when we notified the charge nurse she said she was gonna tell the oncoming shift that if her dentures go missing her vagina is the first place they need to look.

    this is by for the funniest thing that has ever happen to me. but i'm sure my patients will soon remedy that...they always do.

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  2. 47 Comments

  3. by   TaraER-RN
    Thats hilarious....the funniest thing I've ever seen somebody have "inside them" was a guy who came into our ER complaining of pain in his rectal area...not wanting to admit to knowing why he had the pain at that moment. Upon the MD's evaluation the patient finally admited that he had put an apple thru his rectum! I don't know why he did it, I had to leave right then because I was getting ready to laugh! We had to have surgery come and get it out!
  4. by   tirramisue
    The new thing this year for JCAHO at our hospital is name bands. They have all these charts about who was found on what floor not wearing one and when.

    A few nights ago I walked into a pts room, the CNA was giving her a bath. I noticed her name band sitting on the bedside table, so picked it up and said I was going to get a new one. The CNA states "Well actually she was wearing it, I found it in her vagina." Dropped that thing real fast. We decided that if JCAHO gets us for a missing name band, we are going to ask "Did you check between their legs?"
  5. by   mcruss
    I'm an LPN student right now-and we were discussing stories like this tonite...

    One student was in a clinic setting-observing an RN doing an assessment- on this 20something year old guy who was a little bit strange..well-they asked him what brought him in, and he hemmed and hawwed about having had some weird episodes since going off his prozac...after not making much sense-The man finally threw his hands up in the air and admitted that he had a problem w/his testes..Well apparently, he had gotten drunk one night and cut a slit into his scrotum which he then went on to pack full of egg shells, chocolate and other particles...They also pulled out a sucker stick...YIKes....Not a funny story-but these stories are new to me-and I was really shocked at this one.
  6. by   peter73
    It wasn't the DX that was wierd for me but the TX.
    I was on my med-surg rotation in school and had to give the worst "med" ever.
    This patient had come to the ED, presented with pnuemonia and was started on ABX. The treating resident did not take into account her renal failure of decreased liver function. She went to toxic levels of her ABX and it killed all and I mean all of her natural flora in her intestines. She was being treated after a long search for a donor, a stool donor.
    I went into the room with 300cc liquified stool and proceeded to put it down her NG tube. This was of course after reading the order multiple times. I new it was not a joke when the "Med" was sent up to the floor followed by the MD, who explained to the nurses then to the pt what was about to be done.

    I also had a post-op pt that had an 8inch vibrator removed from transverse colon. It had sort of climed it's way up. Surgean said it was still giong when removed...I have never thought of the energizer bunny in the same light since.
    :roll :roll
    peter
  7. by   heartmender
    I had a patient with a penile implant that was sooooo proud of it he used to chase the nurses up and down the hall to "take a gander at this!!"
  8. by   amy
    ...
    Last edit by amy on Jul 3, '02
  9. by   ktwlpn
    Originally posted by peter73
    It wasn't the DX that was wierd for me but the TX.
    I was on my med-surg rotation in school and had to give the worst "med" ever.
    This patient had come to the ED, presented with pnuemonia and was started on ABX. The treating resident did not take into account her renal failure of decreased liver function. She went to toxic levels of her ABX and it killed all and I mean all of her natural flora in her intestines. She was being treated after a long search for a donor, a stool donor.
    I went into the room with 300cc liquified stool and proceeded to put it down her NG tube. This was of course after reading the order multiple times. I new it was not a joke when the "Med" was sent up to the floor followed by the MD, who explained to the nurses then to the pt what was about to be don

    peter
    What? Excuse me-what? Hello? Has anyone else EVER heard of this? It's a joke,right?
  10. by   canoehead
    Peter I am sending this thread straight to the Energizer company! Maybe they'll start a set of tests for their battery line.
  11. by   oplok
    Ive never heard of this, but I will make sure I ask one of our GI docs tomorrow if this is true....
  12. by   oplok
    these stories are from my friend who works in the ER

    1. a young lady, early 20's came in with complaints of laceration in her rectal area and scratches in her back. She said she was preparing her bath, she was bending down to check the water temp and supposedly her dog "did" her from behind. I dont even want to expand on this story, just use your imagination.

    2. another, yes young lady, came in because she fell down, she was wearing a skirt and accidentally landed on a Zucchini and it broke off, witht he other half still in her rectum....... yah right!
  13. by   teeituptom
    Howdy yalll
    from deep in the heart of texas

    I like the husband and wife who came in. He was being domestic and wanted to make some home made salsa, Nice and hot just the way he liked it. Well he went to the mens room and without washing his hands first, left residue of jalapenos and cayenne on his male member. A little later he was feeling romantic and he and his wife went for some marital bliss, which turned out to be rather blistering in nature when his wife started screaming from the jalapeno and cayene pepper juice on him placed in a very delicate area, both came into ER with second degree chemical burns of the genitalia and both were in quite a bit of pain and very histrionic and very pissed off at each other. Obviously a natural born Texas marriage. Wonder what Masters and Johnson would have made of this, and could this be made into a commercial for Pace Picante Sauce, extra hot of course
  14. by   Kay Shepard
    Had a guy come into the ER years & years ago - said he had a hamster crawl up his rectum & he couldn't get it out! Being young & naive, I was shocked to learn the reason he put the hamster in there. It is supposedly very "stimulating" as it struggles and dies. Yuck!
    Another time a young woman came in to get a glass Coke bottle removed from her vagina. It seems that it created a little toooo much suction and pulled her cervix right into it. She had to have some of the cervix amputated due to necrosis (she thought maybe time would loosen the suction & she wouldn't have to go get help). ER work was always amazing - what human beings can do to themselves and others!

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