The Unbelievable things our Pts DO..It is true - page 2

i was at a work a few weeks ago, and i was helping a cna with one of her pt (not mine) ...the pt had just been admitted that day but she was a pt i had for 3 months last yr when i was working full... Read More

  1. by   JimB
    Nursing stories, War stories, and flying stories all have in common that they all start with "No S#$% this really happened. In my time, I've verified... four characters with vibrators up their rectums(all male)(If I hear that the Doc said "do you want me to take it out our change the batteries again, I'll hurl) One female with a chub of salami where she couldn't get it out. One befuddled guy with 22 sewing machine needles in his scrotum, who is still probably trying to figure out how they got there.(I'll bet his ex knows) One guy with his penis superglued to his belly. One dancer that had a dog 9(mastiff) in her act, who happened to get frisky with her, and wanted a rape exam since it wasn't consentual, and he did bite her on the back of the head when she tried to scoot away. I mean duhh he was male, unfixed and she was naked. I could probably set all of this to the 12 nights of Christmas.
  2. by   Vicki K
    I've seen the dentures before a time or two. But I had one better. Patient came from the nursing home (where she was living because her husband was exhausted from dealing with her dementia) for a GI series. Evidently, the nursing home staff had explained to her the concept of being NPO. She was quite fixated on "When am I going to get something to EAT?" and never seemed to accept the answer "Not until after your tests.) I went into the room about 5 AM to do her bath, etc. and get her ready for the day. I found her lying in bed, naked, and eating saltines. Being an experienced nurse, I already understood that with demented patients, the clothes are always expendable, so my first question was "Where did you get those crackers?"

    "Here," she said, pulling a couple of cellophane-wrapped packages of saltines out of her vagina. "Would you like one?"

    (Her husband later told me that she's been known to keep her dentures AND her reading glasses there to keep them handy. They were small reading glasses!)

    Vicki K
  3. by   carlad_rn
    I had a patient yesterday that had a TVH and A&P repair. The patient stated that she dies every time she is put to sleep for a procedure, and when informed that there were no records of this, she stated " They hide it". It that wasn't enough, when I helped her in the bathroom, she said that she was not able to use the bathroom with the commode seat down, that she had to have it up and sit on the rim. When she voided, it went all over the bathroom floor. I couldn't help but wonder if this happened at home.
  4. by   Joan Stroud
    I was working in the ER in San Angelo when a foreign man came in c/o dysuria. When he was undressing, we noticed he had a STRAW inserted into his penis. The doc removed it and I inserted a Foley to see if he was retaining urine. The doc decided to remove it himselfnd when he did, part of the foley was torn and left in the bladder They did an xray prior to surgery only to find over 300 needles just under the skin on his chest and back. They removed the particle of foley and sent him on his way. The doc stated he had seen the same thing before with people who practice VooDoo. ???????
  5. by   outbackannie
    One evening the local police brought in a woman from a drug bust - she was higher than a kite. During her physical exam, the ER doc removed a packet from her vagina - instead of drugs, though, it was a small order Mickie D's french fries!
  6. by   bungies
    yeeuch! I haven't been nursing long (and you don't get many really revolting self-inflicted things like that in oncology, anyway) but when a student I saw an abdo x-ray of a psych pt who'd swallowed approx 300 drawing pins (I'm not sure if that's what they're called in the States... ?tacks), also several razor blades and some broken glass. Apparently in for a few days for observation, and out again without lasting harm. Freaky!
  7. by   illya
    Originally posted by Kay Shepard
    Had a guy come into the ER years & years ago - said he had a hamster crawl up his rectum & he couldn't get it out! Being young & naive, I was shocked to learn the reason he put the hamster in there. It is supposedly very "stimulating" as it struggles and dies. Yuck!
    Another time a young woman came in to get a glass Coke bottle removed from her vagina. It seems that it created a little toooo much suction and pulled her cervix right into it. She had to have some of the cervix amputated due to necrosis (she thought maybe time would loosen the suction & she wouldn't have to go get help). ER work was always amazing - what human beings can do to themselves and others!
  8. by   illya
    while working the urology clinic, a young lady came in c/o pain "between her legs". asking the standard question "when did your pain begin". she replied "when he first stuck in me"
  9. by   BLCaldwell
    Worked in the ER for a few years here and there...

    Once in NYC a newlywed couple came in, seems that she had 3rd degree lacerations. Spent their wedding night- the rest of it at least, inpatient with her mother comforting her and cussing him.
    Time went by- 5 days, maybe a week, he's back in the ER. Mother-in-law had taken the bride home to her house to recover. The groom was back--on the end of a vacumn cleaner hose. He got lonesome and figured he'd try a new form of "stimulation". It was going pretty well until he tried the "mambo" with it. He came in with the hose going down his pant leg and the up over his arm. We tried an ice bag, we tried warm water, finally...Atropine did the trick and never saw him again.

    Worked in Wa.(state that is)--- It was popular in the early 70's to "gerbil". Hook a habitrail up with a gerbil in it to your anal spincter--- it would stimulate your prostate gland for a new thing. It became so popular that the ER staff threatened to start putting pictures of gerbils on the milk cartons.

    While helping out one night in Al. Had a middle aged traveling salesman come in with lower abd pain and discomfort.... On listening for bowel sounds, heard this faint hmmmm. Belly was tender to touch in all 4 quadrants. There was a soft stool in the rectal vault. Did everything I could think of before I called the MD who was a dial a doc. Yeah, it was a vibrator set on low. He had been drinking and forgot about it ....... Started to give him distress after 2 days, he had forgotten about it completely. Dial a doc had been a Ob doc and had long narrow fingers and got the thing out and dropped it in the bag I held out to him. Don't know if it was Duracell but it was still going when I got off duty (2 hours later), in the garbage can the salesman threw it in as he left.

    If I wrote a book, would anybody believe it???????
  10. by   illya
    not eveybody, just us health care workers. once a young male was worried because his girlfriend swallowed his semen. i had draw him a picture,then show him section from an anatomy text
  11. by   stevierae
    Quote from peter73
    She went to toxic levels of her ABX and it killed all and I mean all of her natural flora in her intestines. She was being treated after a long search for a donor, a stool donor.
    I went into the room with 300cc liquified stool and proceeded to put it down her NG tube. This was of course after reading the order multiple times. I new it was not a joke when the "Med" was sent up to the floor followed by the MD, who explained to the nurses then to the pt what was about to be done.
    *****?!! Are you absolutely CERTAIN it was to be given per NG? This is actually one of the "treatments" for C.diff--but the stool is placed per rectum, HIGH up in the rectum that is, either via syringe (mixed with water or millk to a semi-liquid mush) or via enema. I'd be really wonderign if the MD did his homework here--the whole point is to implant the COLON with good flora--NOT the stomach---
  12. by   Antikigirl
    Not quite as funny as it is a pain of a patient...but I had a guy that was mowing his lawn one day and the blades got stuck with all the wet grass. Instead of being smart and turning the mower off, he proceeded to remove the grass by hand (bare hand) while the motor was on so he knew when the blades were freed. They got freed alright, after taking 3 of his fingers!

    He drove past 3 hospitals and came to ours so that he wouldn't run into anyone he knew...and you guessed it...he drove himself in and didn't tell a single person he was going! (guess his wife was scared out of her mind..one second mowing the lawn, next missing for hours!!!).

    So I go in there to clean him up, and what is he doing...but talking to his lawyer about a law suit!!!!! Yep, one against the mower company for not putting a big old warning sticker on the bottom of the mower telling you to turn it off before doing any work on it! UMMMMMM DUH?!?!?!?! He kept asking me to come back, and the doc couldn't do anything till I got his hand cleaned up! So I had to basically yell at him that we only had so much time to reattach the fingers...and he was running out of it since he took the scenic drive! He finally relented..but sheesh!!!!!!! He got two back...one was beyond help (I was suprised he even had the fingers with him...wondered if he turned the machine off to retrieve them???).

    Then, actually yesterday I was called to a room for shortness of breath, but the room was in another facilty on our grounds for regular apartment living?!?!?(normally we do not respond but tell them to call 9-11, but since there was no real info and the guy called then hung up I knew I better go...couldn't assume they called 9-11). I get to the room and there is this poor woman mottled in blue and not really able to breathe! Okayyyyyyyyyy...I thought it was assumed when someone is blue you call 9-11, but guess not! So I had to call 9-11 and get them on the way (which wasted valuable time!). The husband said he was going to take her to the doctors (uh hello Saturday?!?!?), and that she has had severe stomach ache that tums didn't help!

    He was insistant it was only a stomach ache, and thought calling 9-11 was silly! Thank goodness I made the trek! Her outcome doesn't look good, but hopefully the ED will get her back...but a very serious case of acute CHF and we were loosing pulse, and the 5 minutes it took me to cross the parking lot, then 3 minutes to find the place, and time it took to get some answers out of these very confused geri's...and the time to call and get paramedics there was not in her favor!

    And of course, could either one tell me what her medical history was..NO! But thank the powers that be they did have her meds in a container..and sure enough...post stroke and CHF could be assumed from her plastic tub FULL of meds (he admitted to the stroke later, and couldn't remember when it happened..then I found out it was like 3 weeks ago! OOPSIE, good to know and tell the paramedics huh?!?!? GRRRRR!! I have a sneeking feeling that either he, or both (if she is alive) will be moving to our nursing side really soon! LOL! Tummy ache??? Uhggggggg (she was suffering all night!!!!!!).

    Yeah...pts that make you go hummmmmmmmm??????
  13. by   flashpoint
    I've heard of the stool in the NG thing before...it can be used to treat c-diff that doesn't respond to more conventional treatments. Usually a stool sample is taken from the patient's youngest healthy relative...

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