The Senility Prayer
Grant met the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now I am older, here is what I have discovered:
1. I started out with nothing and still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
3. I finally got my head together - now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. All reports are in: life is now officially unfair.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. I wish the buck stopped here - I sure could use some.
9. It is hard to make a come-back if you've never been anywhere.
10. The only time when the world beats a path to your door is when you are in the bathroom.
11. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
12. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
13. It's not hard to meet expenses. They are everywhere.
14. The only difference between a rut and a groove is the depth.
15. These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter....I go somewhere to get something and then I wonder what I'm here after!