The Request for a Raise

Dear Sir
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reason: I
do physical labour. I work at great depths. I plunge head first into
everything I do. I don’t get weekends and public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in dark places that have poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Yours sincerely

Penis



His employer replies


Dear Penis,

After considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects
your request for the following reasons. You never work eight hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the
orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and often seen visiting other locations. You do not take the initiative: you need to be stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace messy at the end of your shift. You do not always observe the necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You regularly leave the assigned task. And, as if that were not enough, you have been continually seen exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Yours sincerely,


The Management