Terms we will not admit to using

TTFO = latin for "he may leave" (told to **** off)
PFO = ****** fell over
TFBUNDY (direct translation too offensive however general gist = poor prognosis expected) (neuro stepdown people probably are familiar with this one.

Going to pathology outpatients = coronor's case

I work in Labor and Delivery and we use a term called the positive whiff test....when things don't smell so pleasant in their nether regions!!

SITH sick in the head

they need a BONITA= Big Ole Needle In The A**

Once while getting my ear chewed over the phone by a grumpy internal med doc, I wrote out the initials DSIAA- Dr. Soandso Is An ####### on scrap paper.

MRSA- My Rectum Smells Awful

DHPIA or DDPIA or DSPIA on my personal report sheet means the previous nurse has told me that the son, daughter or husband is a PIA.

This is a fairly common list :::

Most of the definitions on the following lexicon of medical slang appeared
a few years ago in the National Lampoon. Some of the definitions are funny. Most are sick. All are used in respected hospitals.

================================================== =========================

BOBBING FOR APPLES: Using the finger to unclog a severely constipated
patient.

F.L.K.: "Funny-looking Kid."

F.L.P.: Parents of an F.L.K.

CRUMP, GORK, VEDGY: A patient requiring intensive care, incapable of
movement, and apparently unaware of his surroundings.

HORRENDOPLASTY: A difficult and time-consuming operation.

BAG, BOX, COOL, STIFFEN, X: To die.

CROCK: Hypochondriac.

MARRIAGEABLE MONSTER: A young female patient who has successfully undergone major plastic surgery.

GOMER: A senile, messy, or highly unpleasant patient.

FASCINOMA: A "fascinating" tumor; any interesting or amusing malignancy.

DROOLER: A catatonic patient.

CUT AND PASTE: To open a patient, discover that there is no hope, and
immediately sew him up. Well, almost immediately. Sometimes young
surgeons practice surgical techniques for a while first.

FOUR F-ER: A gallbladder patient. "Fat, forty-ish, flatulent female."

PINKY CHEATER: Latex finger cover used in gynecological and proctological examinations.

ROAD MAP: Injuries incurred by going through a car windshield face first.

A HOLE-IN-ONE: A gunshot wound through the mouth or rectum.

THE "O" SIGN: The letter O as formed by a patient's gaping mouth.

THE "Q" SIGN: A patient giving the O sign with his tongue hanging out.

THE DOTTED Q: The "Q" sign, with a fly on the tongue.

SIDEWALK SOUFFLE: A patient who has fallen from a building.

LOOSE CHANGE: A dangling limb in need of amputation.

BULL IN THE RING: A blocked large intestine.

GONE CAMPING: Reference to a patient in an oxygen tent.

EATING IN: Intravenous feeding.

BORDEAUX: Urine with blood in it.

SCRATCH AND SNIFF: A gynecological examination.

ANGEL LUST: A male cadaver with an erection.

HIT AND RUN: The act of operating quickly so as not to be late for another
engagement.

CAPTAIN KANGAROO: Chairman of a pediatrics department.

ROOTERS: Indigents and hangers-on who gather in big-city emergency rooms in order to be entertained by legitimate cases.

SHORT-ORDER-CHEFS: Morgue workers.

LOOP THE LOOP: Flamboyant surgical rearrangement of the intestines.

BUGS IN THE RUG: Pubic lice.

HEY DOCS: Alcoholics handcuffed to wheelchairs in big-city medical wards
who, at the sight of a white coat, bleat out in chorus, "Hey, Doc!"

BLOWN MIND: Gunshot wound to the head.

ICING ON THE CAKE: Lethal tumor discovered in the X-rays of a heart attack victim.

THE GARDEN: Neurosurgical intensive care ward, so called because of the
"vegetables" found there.

BOOGIE, GOOBER: A tumor.

THE DEEP FRY: Cobalt therapy.

ROASTED GOOBER: A tumor after intensive cobalt treatment.

HEALTHY GOOBER: A dead patient.

BURY THE HATCHET: Accidently leaving a surgical instrument inside a patient.

SILVER GOOSE, SILVER STALLION: Proctoscope.

SQUASH: Brain.

GAS PASSER: Anesthesiologist.

CRISPY CRITTER: A patient with severe burns.

Do ya think you passed the NCLEX Roy? I think you did.

hyponicotaemia is a great one, ill have to share that with my smoking coworkers.

AOOB A** out of bed

Here's two I made up years ago
Cephaloendoproctosis Head up the A** and the surgical proceedure to fix it is cephaloendoproctectomy

Doctor I'd like to ***!