Strangest thing you've heard a co-worker or patient say? - page 5

Today, from a charge nurse, after he evaluated a patient's lung sounds (and let me listen; "textbook wheezes" with some crackles): "It sounds like her lungs are playing 'The Devil Went Down to... Read More

  1. by   Sssupernurse
    i had a lady that was in for hypercalcemia... she was very confused, of course.

    she was looking out the window and she was like "oh... look at all those crosses outside" and i was like "um... those are powerlines" LOL
  2. by   aloevera
    In report yesterday am, the night nurse told me the pt. had "cranial/anal inversion".......I looked up at him with a questioning look.....then it hit me.......
    (head up his axx)...(pt. had beaten his wife)
  3. by   ShariDCST
    Quote from aloevera
    in report yesterday am, the night nurse told me the pt. had "cranial/anal inversion".......i looked up at him with a questioning look.....then it hit me.......
    (head up his axx)...(pt. had beaten his wife)
    but he was the one in the hospital? did she open up a big ol' can of "whoopaxx" on him in response? not that i condone either one - but self defense has something to recommend it......
  4. by   aloevera
    ShariDCST----he was in our Detox Unit----police brought him in....
    Yes, I would have hoped she got in a punch, too......
  5. by   grace90
    Earlier this year, I thought I found a lump so while getting it checked out by my primary, she told me "You're too young to get cancer".

    HUH??!!??!!?? :smackingf:

    I'm 33!!

    I've worked enough shifts on the oncology unit, and lost friends/coworkers to cancer at young ages to know that statement was full of #$%. :angel2:

    I must have given her a crazy look because she immediately got quiet.
  6. by   aloevera
    grace90-----in comparison, I went to have a stress test done at a cardiologist that my primary recommended....upon entering he said "what are you doing here? You are too young to be here"!!!
    I am over 50 !!!!!! Duh....................??????
    (all did go well, tho)
  7. by   grace90
    Quote from aloevera
    grace90-----in comparison, I went to have a stress test done at a cardiologist that my primary recommended....upon entering he said "what are you doing here? You are too young to be here"!!!
    I am over 50 !!!!!! Duh....................??????
    (all did go well, tho)
    To quote Beavis and Butthead, "What a dork!" This last week I was assigned to two early-40-somethings with AMI's. Sounds like the cardiologist has a serious case of cranial-anal inversion! (Actually, take that back, one was even younger)
  8. by   almostthere08
    I had a patient in dts who was yelling out gems all nite. The best came, however, when we were sitting around quietly charting and he yelled, "Somebody!!!! Get me a knife!! I need a knife......I'll explain later!!!!" riiiiigghhhhht a knife, great idea. He also told security, "These Registered Nurses broke a pencil off in my d--k!" Best of all was when I went in his room to find him covered in brown stuff (and I don't mean chocolate) He said, "I tried to get that guy to help me wipe my a$$ but he wouldn't so I did it myself", as he held up his now brown mitten. Priceless....
  9. by   RNGB
    I have a few, Pt with gangrene having rt leg amputated in morning, screaming and shouting, taking 6 off us to keep him in the bed, (we are not allowed restraints in UK) tells us he is going to call the police, ect, then he screams and points at a nurse "if you don't let go of me I will sue (litigation) the ar63 off you" without a beat he (the nurse)replys "well if you try and do that I think you'll find you don't have a leg to stand on"...5 of us sink to the floor in hysteria while he's going "what, what's funny?

    elderly lady in 90's, until this confirmation thought to have been a prostitute during WW1 and the 1920/30, everytime she was put back in the sitting position, she would immediately slip back down, after about 6 attempts she started laughing and was laughing so hard she couldn't be moved, when she finally calmed down my friend asked whats so funny? she said "the irony, I made my living lying on my back and now I can't get off it" brilliant

    when working nights doctors seems to have a habit on their early morning rounds of asking "and how are you today nurse" my standard reply to a new doctor is "I am in a contradictry mood today Dr" "oh are you" "no" I reply, I love the look on their faces makes the long night worth it.

    Oh and one last one after a Hep b Jab man come back and asked me if it could explain the symptoms he is expirencing in his penis and attempts to whip it out...I stop him we are preventive not treatment and recommend from his vivid discription that he visit his doctor as it sounded like calmidia, he's saying but my girlfriend wouldn't sleep around...I patiently explain that although it can be sexually transmitted, it doesn't have to be sexually transmitted, this conversation goes round and round for over an hour, she wouldn't sleep around, me "you need to see your doctor and your girlfriend needs to go too" , eventually he leaves and I breath sigh of relief...2 mins later door opens and he's back, "so me and my girlfriend both need to see the doctor?" "yes" "do you think my wife need to go too?":uhoh21:This guy was also a nurse:uhoh21:
  10. by   al7139
    Here is my all time favorite:
    Old Female pt.. holocaust survivor, now 101yrs, but feisty and totally alert and oriented, called me to her room one night and asked if I could scratch her vagina.
    I kid you not!
    It was all I could do to tell her that I could not scratch her itchm but if she needed a bath, to let the aide know.
    I almost wet my pants I was laughing so hard when I got to the nurses station.
    Amy
  11. by   hotpotato101
    Quote from al7139
    Here is my all time favorite:
    Old Female pt.. holocaust survivor, now 101yrs, but feisty and totally alert and oriented, called me to her room one night and asked if I could scratch her vagina.
    I kid you not!
    It was all I could do to tell her that I could not scratch her itchm but if she needed a bath, to let the aide know.
    I almost wet my pants I was laughing so hard when I got to the nurses station.
    Amy
    horrible old lady
  12. by   Chaya
    Quote from uscstu4lfe
    a patient said "i'm going to die tonight." And he actually died that night! That's strange to me...
    I dunno...in my experience when they say that, they're right as often as not. The first time I heard someone say that I brushed it off and said "Of course you're not". And he proceeded to prove me wrong. Now I listen-and try to be extra careful in monitoring for any early signs that they may be headed south.
  13. by   grace90
    Quote from Chaya
    I dunno...in my experience when they say that, they're right as often as not. The first time I heard someone say that I brushed it off and said "Of course you're not". And he proceeded to prove me wrong. Now I listen-and try to be extra careful in monitoring for any early signs that they may be headed south.
    A while back I had a pt with multiple medical issues and many complications after a surgery. After he had been with us a while, he woke up one morning and told me he'd had a dream that God took all his pain away. It was close to shift change, so I warned the oncoming nurse about it.

    Another time I had a chest pain pt start complaining that she felt like she was going to die. We started monitoring vitals closely, and I got a EKG, ABG's, and other tests done and the internal med doc, who actually listened to me, (but he just got dismissed from the hospital ) came up and see her. She didn't code, at least not the 4 hours I had her, but I wasn't about to gamble on it.
    Last edit by grace90 on Jul 29, '08 : Reason: goofy grammar

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