Strangest thing you've heard a co-worker or patient say?

This one nurse I work with had a patient who had sprained his penis. So, I am walking by the room going to change an incontinent patient, and I hear her say, I'm ***, i'm going to be your nurse tonight. How's your penis doing? Did the doctor put a sling on it?" God, I almost wet myself.

I am sorry but I need to ask as a female non-nurse. How do you sprain your penis?

Oh, how shall I be delicate about this? During, uh, vigorous sex, if the penis slips out and then the two people move back together really quickly without realizing it, the penis can hit against the partner's pubic bone (or ischial tuberosity, or whatever) and be damaged. I don't know if I'd call it a *sprain*, exactly, but the tissue inside is spongy and highly vascular, so if it ruptures inside it can cause pain, swelling, deformity, and actually permanent damage. Happened to my roommate in college. He said it was about the worst thing ever.

1. When filling out a lab slip for a UA C&S, she wrote "UA CNS". It took three people and 20 minutes to explain the difference to her

3. Another charting episode occurred when a male patient was feeling ill. She was charting his condition and asked me how to spell "pacific". I responded by asking her what she meant; her reply was "Mr. X has no pacific complaints". I replied that Pacific was an ocean, he has no specific complaints. OMG!

This is a seasoned (20 yrs. or more) LPN and it kinda scares me that she is responsible for 30 odd residents and hands out narcotics.