Strangest thing you've heard a co-worker or patient say?

*snort*

I have lots of little old ladies in their late 80s and 90s who visit with their parents regularly.

Ooookay.

I had a 16 year old male patient who had just had a hemicolectomy. My unit secretary tells me that my patient just called and asked to have his "surgical socks" taken off. As I am walking toward my patient's room I realize that he is probably talking about his SCD's. So I go into the room and ask my patient "Did you want help taking off your SCD's?" He gets this terrified look on his face (oh by the way, his mom is also in the room) and says "What are you talking about? I don't have any STD's!" I explain to him that I was talking about his sequential compression devices aka SCD's, to which he replies "Oh yeah, I wanted those taken off." I managed to keep a straight face in the room but practically fell on the floor laughing once I got out into the hallway! So funny!

I was in a patients room once changing an IV bag... my patient was a SUPER confused little old lady about 85trs old. I was standing next to her bedside table and knocked over the chart I had with me. She says, "What was that?!?" I said, "Ma'am, you just farted" and she says, "Oh my! I'm so sorry!"... I ran out of there laughing sooooo hard! Isn't that horrible of me? But it was sooooooooooo funny! I went to the nurses station and told everyone... everyone was rolling on the floor!