Strangest thing you've heard a co-worker or patient say?

Chronically mentally ill client asked me to help him find a girlfriend for the begining of the week because he couldn't wait until Friday for sex. I passed this request on to his social worker telling her that it was not in my educational background to pimp for the clients.

I had an 80 year old woman tell me, as I was putting in her Foley catheter, "My husband always said, when the front door is painted red, use the back door" I nearly choked on my own secretions I laughed so hard.

Think I'm gonna be ill....lol

Had a cute older woman ( 90 pounds ) with Alzheimer's. I had to do a dressing change on her foot. So after I took the old dressing off she starts " kicking " and says, " I'm going to kick your a**!!!" I told her she'd have to wait till after the dressing change. To my amazement she lay still for the rest of the treatment and then afterwards says, " you're the nicest one here at the airport." LMAO.