Speaking of Hallmark.....

  1. WHAT HALLMARK DOESN'T PRINT:

    1. So your daughter's a hooker,
    and it spoiled your day.
    Look at the bright side,
    it's really good pay.

    2. My tire was thumping.
    I thought it was flat.
    When I looked at the tire...
    I noticed your cat. Sorry!

    3. Heard your wife left you,
    How upset you must be.
    But don't fret about it...
    She moved in with me.

    5. Looking back over the years
    that we've been together,
    I can't help but wonder -
    What the hell was I thinking?

    6. Congratulations on your wedding day!
    Too bad no one likes your husband.

    7. How could two people
    as beautiful as you...
    Have such an ugly baby?
    Congratulations Anyway!

    8. I've always wanted
    to have someone to hold, someone to love.
    After having met you ...
    I've changed my mind.

    9. I must admit,
    you brought Religion into my life.
    I never believed in Hell...
    till I met you.

    10. As the days go by,
    I think of how lucky I am...
    That you're not here to ruin it for me.

    11. Congratulations on your promotion.
    Before you go ...
    would you like to take this knife out of my back?
    You'll probably need it again.

    12. Someday I hope to get married.
    But not to you.

    13. Happy birthday! You look great for your age...
    Almost Lifelike!

    14. When we were together,
    you always said you'd die for me.
    Now that we've broken up,
    I think it's time you kept your promise.

    15. I am so glad that we are such good friends...
    Relatives always expect money in their card.

    16. I'm so miserable without you ...
    it's almost like you're here.

    17. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
    Did you ever find out who the father was?

    18. Your friends and I wanted to do something
    special for your birthday.
    So we're having you put to sleep.

    19. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
    (Available only in Arkansas, Kentucky, and parts of
    South Carolina! )
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  2. 10 Comments

  3. by   traumaRUs
    Those are toooo funny!!!!
  4. by   DIPLOMATICRN4HIRE
    SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Funny
    Zoe
  5. by   legsmalone
    wahahahahaha!

    I have a friend who needs number 6....shes a brides maid for a dear friend of hers, and her future husband should be walking on all fours and panting.....

    (sorry to all dogs out there, didn't mean to insult you all with my comparison )
  6. by   baseline
    I figure Heather will need # 2 someday!
  7. by   l.rae
    11. Congratulations on your promotion.
    Before you go ...
    would you like to take this knife out of my back?
    You'll probably need it again.

    18. Your friends and I wanted to do something
    special for your birthday.
    So we're having you put to sleep.

    19. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
    (Available only in Arkansas, Kentucky, and parts of
    South Carolina! )


    my favorites.......
  8. by   baseline
    Glad y'all like them! We needed some New Years Cheer!
  9. by   emily_mom
    TOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Kristy
  10. by   nursedawn67
    Very funny!!
  11. by   J-RN student
    :chuckle :roll :chuckle
  12. by   zudy
    This reminds me 0f a Christmas card I made one year. In the ER where I used to work, we saw lots of STD's. When we got a positive gonorrhea culture back, we would attempt to call the pt so he/she could contact thier partner/partners for treatment. (Yeah, I know,like that's going to happen, but it was policy.) Many of these phone #'s were fake(another big surprize) so we would attempt to send them letters. This is what I wanted to send:
    St. Vincent's has a message here
    To bring you joy and good cheer
    Merry Syphllis!!!
    And a Clappy New Year!!!
    Management didn't go for it.

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