Some Lawyer jokes

  1. I am sorry......inlight of the post that accused some of us of making death threats I just hadda post a few of these....Leave it to a lawyer to make a case out of somethin' silly. jnette....these are in your honor, have a laugh on me g/f...La Chiam!!



    What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
    No changes occur.


    What's the difference between a bankrupt attorney and a pigeon?

    The pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.



    How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead attorney on the road?
    The vultures aren't gagging over the skunk.


    What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?

    Jewelry.


    Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
    No? Good!


    Why have some cities outlawed lawyers from going to the beach?
    Because the cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.


    What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

    There are skid marks in front of the dog.



    Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

    If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
    Once launched, they can't be recalled.
    When they land, they prevent anything from functioning for the next hundred years.



    Why does California have the most attorneys, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps?
    New Jersey got first pick.


    When attorneys die, why do they bury them 600 feet underground?
    Because deep down, they're really nice guys.





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  2. 11 Comments

  3. by   MoJoeRN,C
    Do you know the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?


    One is a bottom dwelling scum sucker and the other is a fish.
  4. by   nowplayingEDRN
    Anyone else have any lawyer jokes to contribute????
  5. by   MoJoeRN,C
    What would you have if you placed 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?


    .....a good start.
  6. by   jnette
    Shew !!!
    I had best just kick back and read these and NOT SAY A WORD !

    nooooooooooooope... not gonna say NUTTIN" !
  7. by   funnygirl_rn
    Good ones...LOL!
  8. by   Jay-Jay
    Untamed, you go the one about the drowning lawyer wrong...

    you save him by taking your foot off his head! :chuckle:
  9. by   nowplayingEDRN
    Hehehehehehehehe!!! Jay-Jay.....that was BAAAADDDDddddd!!!!

    How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    None, lawyers only screw us.



    What's the definition of a lawyer?

    A mouth with a life support system.




    When lawyers die, why don't vultures them?

    Even a vulture has taste.



    Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

    Professional courtesy.




    Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

    To practice.




    What's the definition of mixed emotions?

    Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
  10. by   suzannasue
    Support organ donation...give a heart to a lawyer...

    Dated a lawyer VERY briefly, our date consisted of his asking me medical question about himself...hmmmmmph...finally ended that one by telling him I was not on call and he would be better off dating a doctor...
  11. by   nowplayingEDRN
    You go Suzannasue!!!! The nerve of that self centered skunk.....lol lol lol :chuckle :chuckle

    And jnette......are you skeered to contribute to this thread?????
  12. by   teeituptom
    Lets declare hunting season on them

    or even better have them stand out in the middle of the driving range and have golf balls hit at them.

    FORE
  13. by   nowplayingEDRN
    I'll send ya plenty to aim at when you practice at the driving range, Tom...

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