Snappy things to say to coworkers

  1. Snappy Things To Say To Co-Workers
    Obviously you're unable to assimilate my stimulating concepts into your blighted and retarded world-view.
    I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
    Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
    I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
    I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.
    What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
    I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
    I'll give you a nice, shiny quarter if you'll go away.
    I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
    I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
    It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
    Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
    How about never? Is never good for you?
    I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
    You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication
    You're just jealous because the little voices talk to ME.
    I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
    I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
    Who me? I just wander from room to room.
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  2. 18 Comments

  3. by   1OldDinosaurRN
    thanks! i needed that!!
  4. by   Token Male
    I had a coffe mug emblazened with the message" If I agree with you will you P*ss Off ". Embodied my philosophies nicely. A co worker took offence to it and threw it out; no sense of humour that one.
  5. by   Rapheal
    I am completely underwhelmed by your brilliance.

    Just leave a list of all the things you are going to leave undone so I can get cracking on them in the morning.

    Are you new here?

    Just an FYI. An order of Lasix helps stop those really moist lung sounds.

    Stop complaining about everyone else- your'e the problem.

    I asked for help- not you.

    No need to repeat yourself. I will still ignore you.

    This thread was very therapuetic.
  6. by   jnette
    Quote from rapheal
    "i asked for help- not you."


    and i loved this one from above : "i'm not being rude. you're just insignificant. " (heh heh heh....... tee heeeeeeee !!!)


    and this !!! : "i'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter." oh yes, i think we all could use that one from time to time !

    good ones !!! :chuckle

    aaaah....i feel better already ! :d
  7. by   VivaLasViejas
    Here's my personal favorite: "How can I miss you if you won't go away??" :stone
  8. by   TweetiePieRN
    or if someone is rambling on/lengthy complaining you can say. "and what would you like to me do with that information" kind of a polite way of saying...what the hell do you want me to do about it?my alltime favorite when someone won't go away!
    "ummm, didn't i flush you?" (a round about way of calling some a piece of s##$ also)
    i use that term jokingly though!!
  9. by   Dave ARNP
    Has Fran seen this?! LOL!

    I love it!

    Dave
  10. by   nekhismom
    Yeah, I love this thread! Since the new format, I can't find the nursing humor forum. I'm glad to see some JOKES back up here!
  11. by   Pab_Meister
    My favs:

    i) You remind me a lot of someone I'm trying to forget.

    ii) If I wanted to hear from an a$$hole, I'd fart.

    Have a nice day....
  12. by   live4today
    i have a nightshirt that says "if i want your opinion, i'll give it to you."
  13. by   a_crftyldy
    Here's a few of my favorites:

    You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

    Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

    So this isn't home sweet home........ ADJUST!

    I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

    Ring bell for maid service. If there's no answer, do it yourself!

    I don't suffer from stress, I'm a carrier!

    Becareful.........a pat on the back is a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

    Go have a nice day elsewhere.

    and the all time favorite.............. Too much info!! (especially for those people who you've only just met and they insist on telling you their life story)
  14. by   LesJenRN
    Quote from sagarcia210
    Snappy Things To Say To Co-Workers
    Obviously you're unable to assimilate my stimulating concepts into your blighted and retarded world-view.
    I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
    Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
    I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
    I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.
    What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
    I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
    I'll give you a nice, shiny quarter if you'll go away.
    I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
    I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
    It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
    Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
    How about never? Is never good for you?
    I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
    You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication
    You're just jealous because the little voices talk to ME.
    I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
    I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
    I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
    Who me? I just wander from room to room.
    Is it time for my medication or for yours??

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