Share your funniest patient stories... - page 71

:lol2: We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. I keep remembering to a particular incident a few... Read More

  1. Visit  VampyrSlayer} profile page
    0
    oops forgot quote!
    Last edit by VampyrSlayer on Jul 6, '14 : Reason: double post
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  3. Visit  VampyrSlayer} profile page
    1
    Quote from Muser69
    Cutest little 90 year old kept telling us "call the doctor and have me pronounced dead. All my arrangements are made at (local funeral home"
    Sounds like the LOL at my clinic site who kept trying to convince me that she was dead.
    Last edit by VampyrSlayer on Jul 6, '14 : Reason: Past tense
    sharpeimom likes this.
  4. Visit  Mb0382} profile page
    0
    There's no way. I was thinking the same thing until he was back the next day in a cast, still in the chair that caused the incident.
  5. Visit  Gooselady} profile page
    2
    I received a post op patient on the oncology floor, with an NGT, an epidural and at least a double lumen PICC. She was very confused, but alert and . . . .busy.

    I got her VS, explained at least twenty times where she was and why, and very nervously ran to grab the piggybacks that were overdue for her. By the time I returned, she had disconnected both her NGT from suction and her epidural from the pump -- and hooked them together. There was bile flowing gently upward toward her spine

    It took me about 30 LONG seconds to figure out what in the HELL she did. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, it made no sense and well, I couldn't really SEE it at first, if you know what I mean

    I pushed the clamp up above the bile flowing gently toward her CNS, clamped it and called the charge for some nice mitts and a waist belt (she was still very busy). Anesthesia had to pull her epidural and gave me orders for a PCA, like she'd know how to work that from Pluto or wherever she was. I got a low basal for the PCA and some Haldol. That was the craziest thing I've yet seen in 23 years.

    Well, then there was the guy admitted to acute psych who believed a demon lived in his testicles. He took a handgun and shot his left testicle into infinity. I had to do a dressing change on that daily that still makes me shudder. One other time we admitted a woman who had pounded a framing nail into her own forehead, just missing the dura. Another patient (a borderline personality) wasn't getting enough attention so she used viscous lidocaine and cut BOTH of her own achilles tendons. She was completely sane, no psychosis. Just ****** off at her caseworker.
  6. Visit  Christy1019} profile page
    0
    Quote from Gooselady
    I received a post op patient on the oncology floor, with an NGT, an epidural and at least a double lumen PICC. She was very confused, but alert and . . . .busy.

    I got her VS, explained at least twenty times where she was and why, and very nervously ran to grab the piggybacks that were overdue for her. By the time I returned, she had disconnected both her NGT from suction and her epidural from the pump -- and hooked them together. There was bile flowing gently upward toward her spine

    It took me about 30 LONG seconds to figure out what in the HELL she did. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, it made no sense and well, I couldn't really SEE it at first, if you know what I mean

    I pushed the clamp up above the bile flowing gently toward her CNS, clamped it and called the charge for some nice mitts and a waist belt (she was still very busy). Anesthesia had to pull her epidural and gave me orders for a PCA, like she'd know how to work that from Pluto or wherever she was. I got a low basal for the PCA and some Haldol. That was the craziest thing I've yet seen in 23 years.

    Well, then there was the guy admitted to acute psych who believed a demon lived in his testicles. He took a handgun and shot his left testicle into infinity. I had to do a dressing change on that daily that still makes me shudder. One other time we admitted a woman who had pounded a framing nail into her own forehead, just missing the dura. Another patient (a borderline personality) wasn't getting enough attention so she used viscous lidocaine and cut BOTH of her own achilles tendons. She was completely sane, no psychosis. Just ****** off at her caseworker.
    How in the heck does one connect a NG tube to an epidural?? That's talent!
  7. Visit  Mb0382} profile page
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    Hey, when i was in nursing school years ago my instructor told us there was a nurse that lost her license because she hooked the tube feeding up to the IV site. I'm never shocked with what I end up seeing when I walk into a room....I just pray that when they're that interesting I've already had a strong cup of coffee.
  8. Visit  Gooselady} profile page
    0
    Quote from Christy1019
    How in the heck does one connect a NG tube to an epidural?? That's talent!
    That's exactly what I thought! Her fine motor skills and hand-eye contact remained fabulous in spite of her inability to state her name. The 'male' end of the epi fit nice and tight to the 'female' NGT orifice.

    The crazy thing was I knew something was very wrong but couldn't figure out what it was for . . . fifteen long seconds. I just kept looking at her and all her tubes with warning bells going off and something not looking quite right .
  9. Visit  anh06005} profile page
    0
    I will never forget in nursing school when we were at the state mental hospital.

    Guy: Hey. Have you ever met Jesus?
    Me: No.
    Guy: Well it's nice to meet you.
  10. Visit  Davey Do} profile page
    3
    Back in 1986, an extremely hard-of-hearing elderly Patient was to undergo a Colonoscopy. We were in a closed room, so I felt comfortable SPEAKING VERY LOUDLY!

    I explained every portion of the procedure in minute detail. The Patient would reply now and then with "uh huh" indicating understanding. FIRST, THE DOCTOR WILL SPREAD YOUR CHEEKS ! "uh huh" THEN THE DOCTOR WILL APPLY THE LUBRICANT! "uh huh" THEN THE DOCTOR WILL INSERT THE SCOPE! "uh huh". Through the entire explanation of the Procedure.

    Silently, the stone faced Doctor walked into the room and without a word, sat down, spread the Patient's cheeks, applied lubricant, and readied the scope for insertion.

    HERE IT COMES! I yelled.

    The Doctor lost it, laughing.
    Last edit by Davey Do on Dec 30, '14 : Reason: I made a mistake, okay?! Jeez, you wanna rub it in? Why don't you just give me a nice paper cut and pour some lemon juice in?
    oncnursemsn, Gooselady, and Christy1019 like this.
  11. Visit  Davey Do} profile page
    0
    I initially began my Nursing career working in Psych in a Community Hospital. When an opening came up in OR for a Scrub Nurse in the same Hospital, I bid on, and got, the Position.

    I had known one of the Surgeons years before. He was from Argentina and was a Friend of my High School Honey's Father.

    Whenever I would scrub in on one of the Surgeon's cases, he and I would playfully bicker back and forth. During one surgery, the Surgeon asked me, in reference to my previous Position working in Psych, "Why don't you go back to where you came from?!" "Well, Sir", I replied, "Why don't you go back to Argentina?!" The Surgeon merely glared back at me.

    The bickering was all done in Good Fun and at the end of just about every case, before he left, the Surgeon would slap me on the back and say, "Good job!"

    Sometime later, a Nurse new to the OR was to First Scrub with the same Surgeon on a Carpal Tunnel Release. I was to assist the Surgeon and give cues to the new Nurse. The Assistant Supervisor of the OR requested that I not bicker with the Surgeon during the case, as our typical behavior might make the new Nurse nervous. I agreed and said that I would conduct myself accordingly.

    During the surgery, the Surgeon chided me, complaining, for example, that I was not holding the retractor correctly or some such other complaint. I would respond with something like, "Yes, Sir" or "Sorry, Sir". The Surgeon glared at me, but I also saw a question in his eyes.

    The Surgery went well, but at the end of it, I received no "Good job!".

    Thereafter, the Assistant Supervisor approached me and informed me that the Surgeon had waged a serious complaint against me. "What was his complaint?" I earnestly asked.

    "Well", the Assistant Supervisor said, "During the surgery, the Surgeon said that you harassed him!"
  12. Visit  Davey Do} profile page
    0
    Some years later, I began a Position as a Scrub/Circulating Nurse in another Hospital. The Surgeon mentioned in the previous post also had privileges at this Hospital. While the Surgeon and I were sitting in the lounge, I asked him if he could give me any advice, since I was new to the Facility.

    "Yes" he replied. "Since you are new here, and on probation, my advice to you is: Buy a lottery ticket!"
  13. Visit  Davey Do} profile page
    0
    Oh wow. I just noticed something. These are supposed to be funny PATIENT stories.

    Oh well.

    Sorry!


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