Share your funniest patient stories...

[quote=Ruby Vee]Remember geriatric chairs? We used to Posey our wanderers into a geri chair for the day. Only ours didn't have brakes, and one old guy named Juan used to be able to push himself around the unit with his tippy toes. Backward. We'd put him out by the nurse's station on busy days, and everyone would sort of keep an eye on him -- even the house staff who all knew him well.

Very funny story with a sad ending...it still made me laugh out loud as I read it, thanks for sharing.

And to the next writer...I am pretty sure this is true, after having worked in a couple of VA hospitals...there really were a few amusing stories that occured that sound just as improbable and were almost as funny.

While I was working at a VAMC this is an event that occurred and it never fails to make me snicker.

I was caring for a sweet and modest elderly man, who I will call John. And oh yes, John was very hard of hearing. John was pretty ill and he was having problems remaining continent, so we had an order to use condom catheters (Texas caths) on him in an attempt to keep him clean, dry and wound free.

As I went in to initiate the use of the condom, I was trying to clean him up so that he would be comfortable afterwards. John was a little resistant to having this care done, so I employed the assistance of another staff member. I was explaining that we were just cleaning him up, that he had been incontinent of urine and we were planning to put the condom cath on.

Well, John didn't hear me at first, so he kept trying to stop me from doing my work. I repeated myself a couple of times, each time getting louder and louder, fully aware that the sound of voices traveled well all over the nursing unit.

As I repeated myself for the last time, John looked at me like he was contemplating what I was saying and the looked up at me. I told him again "I'm was going to put the condom catheter on now." John just cocked his head and out drawled, "Well, what for...we aren't going to be having sex-ual intercourse?"

Of course I assured him that we wouldn't be, but this would help him stay clean and dry. Then after I left the room, I busted up laughing. I laughed all night long it was so funny!

While working in as a home health nurse, I was visiting a somewhat confused little old (92) lady sp CABG whose incision hadn't healed and was open to the sternum. It was summertime, in Florida, which means hot and humid. This lady had her house completely closed up and the air conditioning turned off - it was like walking into a sauna - well over 105 degrees!!! She was wearing a long sleeved, floor length flannel nightgown!! When I asked her if she wasn't a little to warm, she said "No, actually I'm a little cold. Could you bring me my robe?". It's funny now, but at the time, I thought I was going to melt by the time I got her incision cleaned, repacked, and dressed.

On another day, actually an evening visit just as it was getting dark, she took one look at me, shouted something unintelligible, and ran out the front door. I found her hiding in the bushes - she wouldn't come out and was taking swings at me and her husband when we tried to pull her out. I left hoping my absence would allow her to calm down. I went to a nearby phone booth (this was before cell phones) and called her house several times. Eventually she settled down and her hubby was able to talk her back into the house. Doctor admitted her to a nursing home after that.

I can just imagine what the neighbors thought when they heard us yelling (very loudly as she was hard of hearing) and saw us crawling around in the bushes - I'm amazed no one called the police!!!

Picture it! An unlocked Psych floor where the patients roam freely in the hallways. It's about 1am. I answered the call light of an older female patient who had been admitted with depression and was very timid. As I entered the doorway, I was assaulted with a very strong odor of feces. According to the patient, an elderly very confused patient whose room was across the hall, had gotten out of bed, walked into this ladies room, squatted over the drawer in her bedside table, and let loose. She then walked out of the room, across the hall, and went back to bed.

Oh please, do tell what ads popped up when the word gorilla was used.

Gorillas gorillas gorillas. So far, nothing!

When I worked on the med-surg unit years ago, we had a grouchy middle aged unmarried supervisor, who made both patient and nurses alike feel her wrath. one of the young RN's poked fun at her unawares. She said that the supervisor suffered from "penile dementia".

I was working in a LTC facility and there was a celebration for one of the residents. It was her 100th Birthday. She was quite somnolent as the party began so I spoke to her reminding her that this was her Birthday Party. I then asked if she know how old she was. She said,"No, how old am I?". When I told her that she was 100 years old, she quickly replied, "Well, no wonder I'm so tired."

Here's one that happened while I was in nursing school:

A classmate was assigned a patient with chest pain, who repeatedly would receive nitro for his complaints. However, no EKG changes were noted, and the incidents would resolve quickly after 2-3 SL NTG, and he refused other treatment. Since we were only second semester students, the primary nurse would come in to evaluate and administer the NTG, and my classmate would observe/assist as needed. After a few of these incidents in the two days he was her patient, he confided in her that he wasn't really having chest pain at all. However, he was depressed/confused/suicidal?, and figured if they gave him enough nitro, he would explode! (psych consult requested immediately)

I was working on an acute rehab unit with SCI patients. Most patients were on a "bowel program" which involved giving a routine dulcolax supp. My patient wanted his while he was sitting up on the shower chair. so, here I am, crawling on the floor to get the best view I could. that didn't work so well so I thought I'll just feel my way, the patient's a man, should be easy right? wrong. I begin trying to insert the supp, thinking I'm putting it where it needs to go, wrong again. he says "honey, I hate to tell you, but that isn't it". Somehow, well, suffice it to say I lost the supp, it melted all over the place.