Share Your Funniest Patient Stories... - page 59

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2: Here's mine... I keep remembering a particular... Read More

  1. by   OutlawNurse86
    I work night shift. I've done my time on days back when I was a PCT, I vowed to NEVER return to days again. Well......
    My manager called me at home (and I stupidly answered the phone). She needed some extra coverage on days for a weekend. She promised me I would get my night shift diff as an incentive. Well, I went in to work days.... It frickin sucked! I've always respected my day shift relief but I'll never do another day shift again, no matter what the pay..

    Among other things, I had 1 particular pt... She was scheduled for a carotid endartectomy (88-99% blocked). Ok.... 1st day.... she was cool..... gave report, told them NPO after midnight, I went for some drinks and went home.
    Second day, the surgeon had a load of emergency cases come in so he couldn't fit her in that day. She was also ****** cuz she couldn't eat, finally she ate and the Doc just said "F***-it, we'll do it tomorrow". Now here is where the story gets good. This patient was a die hard smoker. Now, I'm a smoker myself so I sympathize, but good Lord! Carotid blockage.....Nicotine constricting arteries...... bad...... To top it off, this woman had 18 hundred family members in the room just feeding her already ever present anxiety issues....
    SO I called the primary doc. I love this doc, He wrote this exact order: "21mg Nicotine patch and Ativan .5 to 2mg, po or IV, q2-3h prn". Thus endeth the second day and still no procedure..... I again went for MORE drinks and went home.

    After many doses of good old Vit A, she had her procedure. I later learned she was seen outside the hospital across the street smoking, just 2 days afterward! With 2 of the frickin 21mg patches on! When she was told that wasn't smart she just took off the patches and lit back up another Marlboro red.

    Thus endeth my weekend..... I went for some whiskey and coke... and went home.
  2. by   CristinJae
    So I work as a CNA in a nursing home on the alzheimer's unit. It was around 10pm, so two other CNA's and I were sitting at the nurses stations with one of the residents that was a high risk fall and was always scratching herself. At the time, Jane [[we will call her]] seemed to be sleeping in her wheelchair. One little old lady, Mary [[we will call her]], who can't remember anything because of the strokes she had walked up to us and asked us where she was. Jokingly, one of the other CNA's replied that she was in a Brothel. Mary asked, "A What?" So the CNA replied again, "A Brothel." Mary asked about three more times when suddenly, Jane, who we thought was sleeping, quickly pulled her head up and said "And I'm the Queen." Mary then walked away, not remembering anything, while the CNA's and myself were laughing so hard. One of the girls asked Jane, "Do you Even know what a Brothel is?" Jane replied, "Yeah, It's a whorehouse." This caused us to laugh even more and we questioned her "Queen-ship" of the Brothel. She went on to tell us that she had skills that nobody else had, and that she made way more money than us, but could not tell us the exact amount because then we would want to be in a Brothel too. That was definitely one of the best nights ever. Since then, Jane has moved to a different unit because of her needs, but we still visit her every once in a while. =]
  3. by   sharpeimom
    Quote from cristinjae
    so i work as a cna in a nursing home on the alzheimer's unit. it was around 10pm, so two other cna's and i were sitting at the nurses stations with one of the residents that was a high risk fall and was always scratching herself. at the time, jane [[we will call her]] seemed to be sleeping in her wheelchair. one little old lady, mary [[we will call her]], who can't remember anything because of the strokes she had walked up to us and asked us where she was. jokingly, one of the other cna's replied that she was in a brothel. mary asked, "a what?" so the cna replied again, "a brothel." mary asked about three more times when suddenly, jane, who we thought was sleeping, quickly pulled her head up and said "and i'm the queen." mary then walked away, not remembering anything, while the cna's and myself were laughing so hard. one of the girls asked jane, "do you even know what a brothel is?" jane replied, "yeah, it's a whorehouse." this caused us to laugh even more and we questioned her "queen-ship" of the brothel. she went on to tell us that she had skills that nobody else had, and that she made way more money than us, but could not tell us the exact amount because then we would want to be in a brothel too. that was definitely one of the best nights ever. since then, jane has moved to a different unit because of her needs, but we still visit her every once in a while. =]
    this post offends me from every possible angle because it does not treat the patients in question with the dignity they deserve. the op is young, but if she is old enough to work with dementia patients, then she is darn well old enough to treat them as she would like her grandma or great grandma to be treated!:angryfire


    sharpeimom
  4. by   abbaking
    Quote from babyjr
    I also have this funniest moment at the CCU. I have a patient who is very thirsty. We can't give him water because he was on NPO. All we could offer was to wet his lips with cotton balls soaked in water. Eventually, he can't take it anymore. And to my surprise, he drank the suction bottle full of secretions!!!! It was very disgusting!!! We ran towards him to stop what he's doing.
    Gag! I can taste the bile.....I almost vomited with that last part.....Vile and Nasty - But very disturbingly funny
  5. by   sharpeimom
    Quote from abbaking
    gag! i can taste the bile.....i almost vomited with that last part.....vile and nasty - but very disturbingly funny
    just plain !

    but laugh out loud funny just the same...
    blecch! i can just taste that bile! shudder!


    kathy
    sharpeimom
  6. by   KinshuKiba
    Working the ER at my last hospital, they put me out in triage. "Advice" calls were often sent out there, under the assumption the triage nurse was less busy than staff. So, the phone rang and I scooped it up and ran through my little script. A little old woman, who sounded like she was about 80, says, "Honey, I was at a family reunion, and I got a little too much sun; now I have this bad sunburn, and I was wondering what I could do for it." I gave her the usual list, aloe vera apps, vinegar soaks, and encouraged her to seek medical attention if she was concerned. She replied, "Well, okay, that sounds fine, but I was wondering about putting butter on it." I told her that was probably not a good idea, explained the increased risk for infection, and reiterated my earlier advice. When I was done, the woman was silent; you could have heard her thinking in the pause. Finally, she asks, "Well, what about margarine?"
  7. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from KinshuKiba
    Working the ER at my last hospital, they put me out in triage. "Advice" calls were often sent out there, under the assumption the triage nurse was less busy than staff. So, the phone rang and I scooped it up and ran through my little script. A little old woman, who sounded like she was about 80, says, "Honey, I was at a family reunion, and I got a little too much sun; now I have this bad sunburn, and I was wondering what I could do for it." I gave her the usual list, aloe vera apps, vinegar soaks, and encouraged her to seek medical attention if she was concerned. She replied, "Well, okay, that sounds fine, but I was wondering about putting butter on it." I told her that was probably not a good idea, explained the increased risk for infection, and reiterated my earlier advice. When I was done, the woman was silent; you could have heard her thinking in the pause. Finally, she asks, "Well, what about margarine?"
    Funny post.
  8. by   KinshuKiba
    the first 2 years i worked after boarding (1st as an lpn, then as an rn) i was a night nurse on a medical floor. and like any other medica floor, most of our patients were 1) elderly, 2) chronically sick, 3)confused, or 4) all of the above. one night i had a woman that fit this bill. she was admitted for cholelithiasis and had a history of early stage alzhiemer's. however, she was also very able-bodied, which led to some wandering. she had sundowners pretty bad and was incontinent as well, so we placed a foley and put her in a posey vest. she continued to be restless, though never violent, so we left her door open and would talk to her as we walked up and down the hall. during one of my passes that way, i glanced in and noticed that she was standing beside her bed, having managed to undo one of her vest straps. i walked in and talked with her a moment, asking her what she was up to. she patted my hand and said, "honey, i needed to pee but got my belt tangled in bed." i explained the foley to her, promised i would untangle her "belt," and coaxed her back to bed. it didn't stick though, and everytime i went by, she would complain of needing to pee. freshly out of school, i was becoming frustrated (not having yet learned that part of nursing is repeating the same action perpetually, ad infinitum). finally, i picked up the foley bag and showed to her.

    "mrs. lol, this is you foley bag." i told her. she nodded.

    "and this," showing her the bottom of the foley tube, "is your catheter. it goes up into your bladder and takes your pee away so you don't have to get up." she nodded again.

    ever so gently, i pulled on the cath. "do you feel the catheter? that's because it's in your bladder. it makes you feel like you need to pee, but it just feels like that, because the pee goes into this bag." i showed her the bag again and again she nodded.

    "so," i said, holding up the bag and tubing, "what is this?"

    "my catheter," she responded.

    "and what does it do?" i asked.

    "takes my pee away." she replied.

    "which means?" i prompted.

    "that i don't have to get up and go to the bathroom; it just feels like it," she finished.

    we went through the routine again, just to make sure, and she seemed to get the idea. i felt pretty pleased with myself, until she said, "but honey, i have a question."

    "and what's that?"

    she tugged at the cath and asked, "what is this tube, and when will you let me pee?"
  9. by   LPN_thts_M3
    When I was LPN school I did one of my clinical rotations in a Wound Center. Alot of the pts were those with necrosis on their feet and legs from diabetes. Well this one particular day a gentleman came in for tx of his leg. He had bandages over the bottom half of his leg. Well I volunteered to cut the bandage off. Now as a student I was always nervous of being too rough and he could see that all over my face.

    I get halfway down his leg when he lets out the loudest scream that scared the holy $%^ out of me. I jumped back, scissors dangling from his leg and said OMG I am soooo sorry....he then looks me dead in my face and busted out laughing. I didnt hurt him at all He said that he could tell I was nervous and he was just trying to loosen me up...So not funny at the time but he got a laugh out of me and when I returned to class that Monday of course the whole class had heard and thought it was the funniest thing ever invented
  10. by   teeniebert
    Quote from YngNursNtrng
    I get halfway down his leg when he lets out the loudest scream that scared the holy $%^ out of me. I jumped back, scissors dangling from his leg and said OMG I am soooo sorry....he then looks me dead in my face and busted out laughing. I didnt hurt him at all He said that he could tell I was nervous and he was just trying to loosen me up...So not funny at the time but he got a laugh out of me and when I returned to class that Monday of course the whole class had heard and thought it was the funniest thing ever invented
    There was a lady my class took care of in LTC clinicals; she was in for rehab after foot surgery, A&Ox3, and had a wicked sense of humor. She knew that we were learning and that some of us had never done blood sugars/insulin injections before. The day I did her insulin, as soon as the needle hit her skin, she went, "ow, ow, ow" and started crying...When I looked up she stopped, put a completely blank expression on her face, and said, "what?" We both laughed our heads off, but my instructor laughed most of all.
  11. by   OB Nurse Andrea
    I am currently an RN on a Labor and Delivery unit but I spent about 4 years as a care giver in a locked Alzheimer's unit before I got my nursing license. I can't think of any long hilarious stories but lots of funny moments.

    While working in nursing homes, I encountered on a regular basis residents voiding or defecating on/in objects thinking they were on the toilet (trash can, drawer,laundry basket, chair, you name it). However, the one that takes the cake was the night an elderly very confused gentleman wandered into the family kitchen and had a bm in the open dishwasher. That sure wasn't fun to clean up but gave several of us a good giggle.

    One day a little old lady resident could not find her dentures and was accusing me of stealing them. I said "I have all my real teeth, what good would it do me to steal your dentures." To which she replied "You could put them on your hand and use them to bite someone in the a**." She and I both had a good chuckle over that one and afterward she said "Well help me remember where I put them then."

    One day on the Alzheimer's unit, someone was doing the hourly check to make sure every resident could be accounted for and alerted the staff that *Mary was missing. We looked everywhere we could think of but could not find her. Finally someone called out and we all came running. There was *Mary, sitting on the shower seat, in the dark, behind the shower curtain, happily talking to herself about things that didn't make sense (she was known for occasionally making sense, but usually speaking word salad to no one in particular). Mary did not appear upset in the least and seemed a little bewildered about what all the fuss was about.

    I am surprised at the number of women who really think that they pee from their vaginas and that if something is inserted there that they will not be able to urinate.:icon_roll

    I sometimes must stiffle surprise at the number of different words patients/significant others use for "vagina"
  12. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from lyndamic
    Years ago, I was working LTC and had to administer a rectal suppository for a very confused LOL, at 3am. She resisted me, but I tried to explain what I was doing and persisted. Finally she relaxed and allowed me to insert the supp, saying, "You men are all the same!". Extra funny since I'm obviously a woman!

    Another time, I needed to do a dressing change on this same LOL, again in the middle of the night. I turned on the minimum of lights so as to disturb her as little as possible. She woke up and got a look at me, and said "You look tired. You look like the walking dead". I replied that I WAS tired, but certainly not dead. She then scooted way over in the bed, up against the side rails, and said "You better lay down here with me for awhile. You're going to scare people, walking around looking like that".

    This same lady hit the doc with her cane on another occasion, and told him that he didn't have the sense God gave a bean seed. She also routinely expressed disgust in the dining room over the other residents' lack of manners, then would shout "SHUT UP!", when someone would point out that that wasn't very nice. I loved that lady - I attended her funeral when she died. Her kids told hilarious stories about her, and said she had been a wonderful mother. Apparently she'd always had that "tell it like it is" attitude.
    My kind of personality. I would love to meet someone like her. :redpinkhe
  13. by   lovinthebabies
    Quote from ruby vee
    remember geriatric chairs? we used to posey our wanderers into a geri chair for the day. only ours didn't have brakes, and one old guy named juan used to be able to push himself around the unit with his tippy toes. backward. we'd put him out by the nurse's station on busy days, and everyone would sort of keep an eye on him -- even the house staff who all knew him well.

    one particularly busy day, there were two codes going on at once and everyone was involved with one or the other of them. juan scooted himself off the unit in his geri chair, and was found at the doorway to the firestairs trying to get the door open. the nursing supervisor brought him back. the next time, a patient's family member went to get the unit secretary, who pulled an na out of a code to bring juan back. the third time, a harvard medical student encountered the nice old man posey'd into a geri chair trying to open the door to the stairs. i'm sure he thought he was being helpful when he opened the door for the juan and held it for him.

    the next day when i came back to work, juan was poseyd in a geri chair wearing a cast over his entire torso and both shoulders. the toes still worked fine, though. i was determined not to have a repeat accident on my shift, so the na and i poseyed juan into the chair, and tied the chair to the sink in his room. the first sign that that may not have been a wise choice was when there was a loud crash followed by the sounds of gushing water and a flood pouring out of juan's room. by the time i got there, juan was propelling himself backward out of his room, dragging the sink. the housekeepers were not amused. nor were the plumbers!

    after that, we tied the chair to the handrail in the halls -- you know -- the ones patients are supposed to hang on to as they ambulate in the halls. another poor decision. the rail wasn't attached to anything but dry wall . . . and following another loud crash (and some excited shouting) we found juan propelling himself down the hall dragging the railing and a large chunk of dry wall. the carpenters were not amused. nor was the couple in the room on the other side of the dry wall . . . they were engaging in some long-postponed marital relations when juan's removing a chunk of drywall exposed them to the entire unit!

    sadly, juan's trip down the stairs backward ultimately caused his demise. he got a pressure sore under his cast, became septic, went into septic shock and arrested. we couldn't saw him out of the cast fast enough to start cpr in a timely fashion . . .
    that is a hilarious story although it ended up sadly. i can't believe he was strong enough to do those things even in a cast.

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