Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

nursedawnrn · Mar 22, 2011

This is not a work thing, but, nonetheless, it is too funny not to share. I worked in a radiology lab and the manager used to say that one of the docs had, "little man syndrome". When I complained about him she would say (to get me to laugh and forget about it), "He's just a little man!"

My regular GYN was called away to a delivery after my appointment being cancelled twice for the same reason. Here I am naked on the table and I knew I couldn't take any more time off from work for the appointment and the office was open when I worked. I asked for another doc to do my exam. In walks this guy who didn't even need a stool to do the exam. He stood up and his head was right where it needed to be to do the exam. The whole time I had to stiffle my laugh as I replayed my manger's words in my head, "He's just a little man".

I waited until I got out into the parking lot and laughed one of the biggest heartiest laughs I have ever had! I will never forget that day!

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · Mar 28, 2011

ruby vee said:

remember geriatric chairs? we used to posey our wanderers into a geri chair for the day. only ours didn't have brakes, and one old guy named juan used to be able to push himself around the unit with his tippy toes. backward. we'd put him out by the nurse's station on busy days, and everyone would sort of keep an eye on him -- even the house staff who all knew him well.
one particularly busy day, there were two codes going on at once and everyone was involved with one or the other of them. juan scooted himself off the unit in his geri chair, and was found at the doorway to the firestairs trying to get the door open. the nursing supervisor brought him back. the next time, a patient's family member went to get the unit secretary, who pulled an na out of a code to bring juan back. the third time, a harvard medical student encountered the nice old man posey'd into a geri chair trying to open the door to the stairs. I'm sure he thought he was being helpful when he opened the door for the juan and held it for him.

the next day when I came back to work, juan was poseyd in a geri chair wearing a cast over his entire torso and both shoulders. the toes still worked fine, though. I was determined not to have a repeat accident on my shift, so the na and I poseyed juan into the chair, and tied the chair to the sink in his room. the first sign that that may not have been a wise choice was when there was a loud crash followed by the sounds of gushing water and a flood pouring out of juan's room. by the time I got there, juan was propelling himself backward out of his room, dragging the sink. the housekeepers were not amused. nor were the plumbers!

after that, we tied the chair to the handrail in the halls -- you know -- the ones patients are supposed to hang on to as they ambulate in the halls. another poor decision. the rail wasn't attached to anything but dry wall . . . and following another loud crash (and some excited shouting) we found juan propelling himself down the hall dragging the railing and a large chunk of dry wall. the carpenters were not amused. nor was the couple in the room on the other side of the dry wall . . . they were engaging in some long-postponed marital relations when juan's removing a chunk of drywall exposed them to the entire unit!

sadly, juan's trip down the stairs backward ultimately caused his demise. he got a pressure sore under his cast, became septic, went into septic shock and arrested. we couldn't saw him out of the cast fast enough to start CPR in a timely fashion . . .

god forbid someone had hired someone to special him. you know - 1:1 care. somehow, this doesn't seem funny to me, although I'm sure parts of it were, as I did find myself smiling at the image you painted at various parts of the story.

this old man was a prisoner who refused to surrender and the cheapness, the budgetary concerns killed him. dear god.

Pinkster · Apr 22, 2011

On our cardiac proressive care unit I go answer a call light to a man who is beingworked up for open heart surgery, completely oriented. I ask him why he called he points to the bag on his. Table with a secimin cup in it and states there is his sample. So I grab the bag with the specimin cup and walk out of the room. I check to make sure it is labled and I am perplexed at why his urine is so dark. Then upon taking a second look why is it solid I am confused at what kind of 'sample' hisnurse asked of him. I call his nurse over and hand her the bag. Here's your sample. Needless to say she wouldn't take it without gloves haha. The pt had managed to get a stool 'sample' into a urine specimin cup. We had quite a fit of laughter over this but we still needed a UA. We had our tech go bac a little later with another cup and said this time that we needed a urine sample. She came back to say he was quite upset with us. 'You people and your samples! How many do you need?!' Haha

iNurseUK, RN · May 25, 2011

Just yesterday the ward next to mine had a phone call from the pub that is right opposite the hospital's entrance. A lady fond of her tipple had escaped her ward and gone to the pub complete with a running chemo pump and had consumed enough vodka and tonics to render her somewhat incapable of finding her way back to the hospital. In some consternation the pub phoned the hospital and an intrepid team of nurses duly retrieved their patient with the aid of a wheelchair.

funkywoman · Jun 28, 2011

My husband had some serious c-spine problems, ended up with 4 level fusion and double culpectomy. When we first went to a chiropracter (not realizing how bad it was) he told the doctor "my cervix hurts". The doctors jaw dropped and he just stared at me, I kept it in for about 5 seconds then almost fell out of the chair I was laughing so hard.

Jamesdotter · Aug 12, 2011

I may have written about this patient somewhere before... 80-year-old "Goldie" had a fractured femur and had been in traction for what seems like several weeks (this was many years ago). Often she'd rest the other leg on the suspended one and swing them both while she sang bawdy songs. One day at rounds, the attending commented that he was puzzled that there was no sign of healing on her most recent X-ray. We told him about her swinging habit, and she was in a cast the very next day. It had been charted, of course, many times. sigh

Jenni811, RN · Aug 12, 2011

DF-LPN said:

FINALLY!!! a bed alarm with a sense of humor!!!
We have these new motion sensor bed alrams........and LMAO they play the theme to Crime Stoppers!!

Our hospital thought it would be a WONDERFUL idea to get these new bed alarms, that said really loud "PLEASE SIT DOWN" before it alarmed. because "a patient would listen to it and sit down" I was like, what a stupid idea! Yet another example of administration making a decision without asking the floor nurses.

So we were giving these crazy bed alarms a trial and finding an increase in falls. Example of why these bed alarms do not work. I had a patient on this particular bed alarm, and it was this little old lady. She stood up, I heard the alarm "PLEASE SIT DOWN" I run into her room and hear or yelling "WHO IS THAT? WHERE ARE YOU? SHOW YOUR FACE TO ME NOW." she sees me coming towards her and was like "Where is this lady that keeps telling me to sit down? what is she doing here? who makes her boss of me?"

LevitateMe, RN · Sep 8, 2011

yesterday i was rocking my 2 yr old pt to sleep and had her swaddled, she decided she wasn't in the mood for a nap and round house kicked me in the boobie in order to get to a siting position. it was kinda funny.

Lynx25, LPN · Sep 20, 2011

I work in LTC and we have a gentleman who- according to his story- had his eyeballs removed by the Mafia. No one's quite sure what happened- but at any rate, he has no eyes.

This man has his nurse, 3 aids, and the social worker CONVINCED he can see "Just a little bit!" The aide came up to me and was yelling about how he could tell where she was standing, and the social worker was convinced because the guy was walking without a cane. (Into the wall....)

These people seriously wouldn't believe me that there was no way in heck this guy could see, until finally, as the guy was walking down the hall unattended, his nurse tells him, "Oh! Mr X! Watch out for that wheelchair!"

The guy spins around, pulls his eyelids open, and yells "J---- F------g C-----T LADY! I HAVE NO G--D--- EYEBALLS!"

I nearly died laughing- how were they expecting him to see? With his elbows?

beckster_01, BSN, RN · Oct 3, 2011

*Last night, while making my 51 year old patient feed herself her own pills (in applesauce)*

Patient: I want you to do it for me!

Me: You are perfectly capable of holding the spoon, you ate dinner by yourself tonight didn't you?

Patient: I KNOW I can do it by myself! That's why you should do it for me

Me: Well, when you go home you are going to have to do things on your own. Part of my job is to help you become more independent.

Here is the clincher:

Patient...with tears for dramatic effect: You nurses are getting lazier and lazier every day! Putting more work on the patient...

:yeah: If that is the only time I get called a lazy nurse I am doing my job right

furgie · Nov 4, 2011

I was floated from the ICU to help out with pre op and PACU. In pre-op I would start the IV and prepare the patient and then wheel them into the anti room where the anesthesiologist would always ask the patient, "What are you having done today"? I brought in one little old lady and the anesthesiologist asked his usual question to which the little old lady replied "An autopsy".

We decided she was really there for a biopsy. :-)

Godisthere · Jan 12, 2012

I'm a volunteer CNA at a retirement home and apparently we have a love triangle here

(MODERATOR EDIT OF NAMES) are some of the sweetest people here....Each of them have strong personalities.

It was after their dinner, and it was time for BINGO!!!!! So (MODERATOR EDIT OF NAMES) sit down at a table and in five minutes, Bingo chips were flying everywhere! (MODERATOR EDIT) was holding (MODERATOR EDIT) hand and (MODERATOR EDIT) was throwing everything at them. I intervened as soon as I could weave my way through the wheelchair maze. "What's going on here?" I asked. (MODERATOR EDIT) were still holding hands, and (MODERATOR EDIT) held a Bingo board in mid-air, "She's holding hands with MY HUSBAND!!!" (MODERATOR EDIT) huffed. Knowing that neither of them had ever met one another, (and that (MODERATOR EDIT) husband would bring her chocolate and flowers every week after he got off at the steel plant) I could only smile, "(MODERATOR EDIT), may you please let go of (MODERATOR EDIT) hand?" (MODERATOR EDIT) reluctantly folded her hands on her lap and stuck her tongue out.

I left and a few minutes later they were at it again, but now Karl and Bluie were HUGGING and Verdie was pulling Bluie's hair. I had no choice but to kindly escort them to their rooms. The wing was the closest, So I handed Karl and Bluie off to another nurse. Just as the doors closed, Bluie glared at Verdie through the glass door, threw her arms around Karl's neck and took him in a lip-lock.

Of course I sympathsied the whole event, because all of them had spouses that visited them...but I couldn't help but bubble over to the other nurses. We got a good laugh:)

John 3:16