Share Your Funniest Patient Stories... - page 56

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2: Here's mine... I keep remembering a particular... Read More

  1. by   C_K_GrodeckLPN
    Was the treasure "Little Brown Nuggets"?
  2. by   sweetsounds
    Quote from neomastiff_RN
    Neo: :chuckle LMAO, That reminds of the patient I cared for that would roll his feces into little balls and leave them set on his bedside stand. The doctor came in one day and asked the patient what they were and the patient said "My $*#@, do you need it for something?"
    Yep, I had a frequent flyer like that. Dementia. Also BKA. There was a nasty nurse I disliked who was not very understanding towards him. I did warn her not to touch the bed rails w/o gloves. That's where he stored his little treasures. However, I could not resist laughing when he would try to attack nurse nasty with his stumps. Sorry.
  3. by   Jessiedog
    Quote from Daywalker
    We actually still HAVE hoppers!
    Us, too!
  4. by   grace90
    Quote from Daywalker
    We actually still HAVE hoppers!
    so do we, only they have large plexiglass covers that hang about a foot over them, probably to prevent pts from using them as toilets
  5. by   trudlebug
    We have one too. In our ER it is right outside the patient bathroom, in the hallway. We don't have a cover over ours, though. Guess where the drunks usually go....and the looks from the LOLs walking by to use the REAL restroom .
  6. by   scrabbler77
    I was doing an admission assessment on an elderly mountain man at a transitional care center. Needed to know if he was continent so I asked him if he made it to the bathroom when he had to pee. He said he did, so I next asked, "And how about your bowels?" He politely replied, "To tell you the truth, ma'am, they're so shrunk up, I can't hardly see 'em anymore."
  7. by   baxtersmomRN
    Quote from scrabbler77
    I was doing an admission assessment on an elderly mountain man at a transitional care center. Needed to know if he was continent so I asked him if he made it to the bathroom when he had to pee. He said he did, so I next asked, "And how about your bowels?" He politely replied, "To tell you the truth, ma'am, they're so shrunk up, I can't hardly see 'em anymore."
    Thats classic!
  8. by   meintheUSA
    :heartbeat
    Quote from scrabbler77
    i was doing an admission assessment on an elderly mountain man at a transitional care center. needed to know if he was continent so i asked him if he made it to the bathroom when he had to pee. he said he did, so i next asked, "and how about your bowels?" he politely replied, "to tell you the truth, ma'am, they're so shrunk up, i can't hardly see 'em anymore."
    :chuckle omg, that sounds like something you could only read in an elderly e-mail..... that is priceless..... thanks for sharing...
  9. by   C_K_GrodeckLPN
    Quote from baxtersmomRN
    Thats classic!
    Since they were "so shrunk up", he needed some PRUNE JUICE!!!
  10. by   kbelle29
    It was my first time administering an enema, so I had the patient in position and was using a disposable enema bottle. I thought I was doing it perfectly, squeezing the bottle with not too much force. Except, the solution in the bottle didn't seem to be going anywhere. Definitely not into the patient. After what seemed like forever, I used more pressure and started really trying to force the solution out.
    Nothing worked so I ran to get another student to come help me. She looked at the bottle, looked at me and said, "uhm...the cap is still on."
    My face turned so red, I quickly looked at the patient hoping she didn't hear but sure enough her head was turned back looking at me and she said:
    "That gives a new meaning to trying to put a cap in my a*s!!" :imbar

    Oh I'll never live that one down..
  11. by   Noor545
    My entire career I have been an OB nurse. But after a few years off I took a Refresher course and ended up working a Med/Surg Floor in a small town hospital. Most of the patients were quite elderly and I found them to be an absolute delight. My favorite was a spry old fellow (97) whose eyes just sparkled with mischief all the time. The first time I helped him up to the bathroom I stepped outside to give him a little privacy and then went back in to hand him tissue. I balled up a bunch of tissue and handed it to him. He looked at the tissue and then up at me. Then he very patiently tore off two squares of the tissue. He folded them together, then in half and then in half again. Now he had about a 2x2" piece of Toilet Paper. He then used that to wipe his behind. When he was finished he looked up at me and said, "Save the rest of that for some other time, it's only a tiny hole anyway".
    Loved that guy. He went home happy and healthy.:heartbeat
  12. by   jbluehorseh
    student nurse blues
    <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /><o></o>
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    crazy naked lady
    <o></o>
    <o></o>
    to understand from where i am coming from, you have to know my school believes in eating their young. <o></o>
    as the ever paranoid nursing student (me) was getting his patient set up, so she could take her own bed bath, she asked him to wash her back before leaving. no problem, so i thought. my instructor wanted a report on my patient's condition, along with her physical, social, financial, and family assessment. i knew that she would be here at any minute and i wanted to take care of my patient before she showed up. <o></o>
    when i help my patients take a bath or any thing that has to do with removing clothes, particularly females i like to help keep their dignity as much as possible. sign of a good little nursing student, right? well that did not happen. you see my elderly patient was a little on the "energetic" side you see. as she put it, she like being nude and it did not bother her that anybody was around to see. so, as i was trying to keep her gown on as she was taking it off. i thought great, my instructor is going to be here any minute and crazy naked lady is going to get me kicked out of nursing school. yup, at that same exact time, my instructor came in pulled the curtain back only to have the gown tossed at her, underwear flying off in the opposite direction. i do not know if i was suffering from pure embarrassment or terror, but i saw my future as a nurse slip way. being the ever calm caring instructor that she was, the one that comes from the school of eating their young, she did not say a word to me as she finished helping me with my patient. she tried to put some clothes on her with no success. quietly she pulled me out and away from the patient's room, looked with a grave stare,( oh !@# i'm done ) and busted out laughing. she ended up being one of my favorite teachers. <o></o>
    john rn <o></o>
  13. by   Jessiedog
    Quote from VeryberryRN
    Isn't it a good thing that we have become older and wiser over the years! As much as some nurses would like to think that restraints are for the good of the resident, that hardly ever is the case. Tying people down is just not the answer.
    I have to agree. When I started nursing, it was routine to posey people to anything. I remember one old man had TWO poseys on, one frontways and one backwards, because he was so good at getting out of them. I accepted this as a part of nursing, and did my best to keep them on him. Now, it's rare that I see a posey vest. These people are usually placed up near the nursing station so that we can keep an eye on them. The whole ward knows them, even the cleaner, and we all keep an eye on them to keep them safe. I can't count how many demented patients I've seen sitting near the desk with a heart table in front of them, covered with magazines, knitting, biscuits, cups of tea and anything else that will hold their attention for a while.
    I've nursed people on the floor now, for their own safety, which would be unheard of in the past. We even have 'bus stops' in the hallway, so that they can sit there and wait for the bus. (Or the train, if that's their desire) Things have certainly changed, and I think for the better. If necessary, we will get an orderly to sit with a patient, or a nurse if we have enough staff, to ensure their safety, rather than tying them up. A lot more humane, even though it causes more stress for the staff. :heartbeat

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