Share Your Funniest Patient Stories... - page 54

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2: Here's mine... I keep remembering a particular... Read More

  1. by   Hygiene Queen
    ^^
    That was the cutest thing I've read.
  2. by   NurseAlwaysNForever
    Quote from ruby vee
    remember geriatric chairs? we used to posey our wanderers into a geri chair for the day. only ours didn't have brakes, and one old guy named juan used to be able to push himself around the unit with his tippy toes. backward. we'd put him out by the nurse's station on busy days, and everyone would sort of keep an eye on him -- even the house staff who all knew him well.

    one particularly busy day, there were two codes going on at once and everyone was involved with one or the other of them. juan scooted himself off the unit in his geri chair, and was found at the doorway to the firestairs trying to get the door open. the nursing supervisor brought him back. the next time, a patient's family member went to get the unit secretary, who pulled an na out of a code to bring juan back. the third time, a harvard medical student encountered the nice old man posey'd into a geri chair trying to open the door to the stairs. i'm sure he thought he was being helpful when he opened the door for the juan and held it for him.

    the next day when i came back to work, juan was poseyd in a geri chair wearing a cast over his entire torso and both shoulders. the toes still worked fine, though. i was determined not to have a repeat accident on my shift, so the na and i poseyed juan into the chair, and tied the chair to the sink in his room. the first sign that that may not have been a wise choice was when there was a loud crash followed by the sounds of gushing water and a flood pouring out of juan's room. by the time i got there, juan was propelling himself backward out of his room, dragging the sink. the housekeepers were not amused. nor were the plumbers!

    after that, we tied the chair to the handrail in the halls -- you know -- the ones patients are supposed to hang on to as they ambulate in the halls. another poor decision. the rail wasn't attached to anything but dry wall . . . and following another loud crash (and some excited shouting) we found juan propelling himself down the hall dragging the railing and a large chunk of dry wall. the carpenters were not amused. nor was the couple in the room on the other side of the dry wall . . . they were engaging in some long-postponed marital relations when juan's removing a chunk of drywall exposed them to the entire unit!

    sadly, juan's trip down the stairs backward ultimately caused his demise. he got a pressure sore under his cast, became septic, went into septic shock and arrested. we couldn't saw him out of the cast fast enough to start cpr in a timely fashion . . .
    how is this funny?
  3. by   Hygiene Queen
    How is this funny?[/QUOTE]

    I think this is a matter of "if you don't laugh, you cry".
    Not everything that is "funny" is light-hearted and gay.
    That's "dark humor".
  4. by   SouthernBelle25RN
    As a bush nurse in Alaska...

    A patient arrived to the ED after driving his ATV (4-wheeler) off a 20-foot embankment...He was spitting mad and angry at the troopers, drunk as a skunk, covered in dirt and VERY injured...this is the FULL story of what happend...

    Apparently he had "a few beers" and decided to go for a midnight ATV drive. Well, the light on his ATV was broken, so being the innovative Alaskan that he was...he decided to use a finger light (you know one of those little lights that clip onto your finger so you can write in the dark) as his ONLY light. Suffice it to say...it wasn't bright enough...he drove straight off a cliff and landed face down in the dirt. When troopers arrived on scene, he was cursing and screaming at the troopers to "get the light out of my eyes" and to "stop shining that &*%$ light in my eyes". Apparently the Troopers found him face down with his hand next to his face...the pen light on his finger was shining in his eye and every time he went to cover his eyes from the light...he'd blind himself with it again!!!!!...

    Ha ha ha...I had to share this story...even though it happend before the patient came to me...it's still hilarious at how mad the pt was at the troopers.
  5. by   scrub*lover
    I have two hilarious stories to share!
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    The first story takes place at a nursing home where I was doing clinicals for my CNA course. A fellow student and I were assigned to do a complete bed and bath on a patient that was bedridden. We rolled the patient toward my side of the bed so that the other student could change her side of the bed. We had noticed that the patient was having some smearing of stool and we were trying to maneuver the patient so we could be sure he was clean. While the other student was finishing up her side of the bed the resident looked up at me and said watch this. At this point the resident let out what he thought was a fart and splattered my co-students white scrubs with poop. It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my entire life!
    <o></o>
    The other funny incident occurred at the hospital where I currently work. I had to go along with a fellow RN to get a patient who was not tolerating her dialysis treatment well due to severe dementia. When we walked into the dialysis room we were met with the dialysis nurse running out of the patients room followed by poop smeared bed linens which were thrown by the patient. The patient was sitting completely naked in the middle of her bed throwing feces out the door singing Jesus loves me the entire time. The nurse I was with didn't want to get her new nike shox dirty so she grabbed some sterile booties off the wall and threw them on over her shoes. Without thinking she walked into the room to help the patient back into her clothes and stepped on some of the poop and completely wiped out because of the lack of traction on the booties. The RN was smeared with poop writhing on the floor in disgust and the patient was still singing Jesus loves me. I have never laughed so hard in my life.
  6. by   Hygiene Queen
    I watched a patient chase my charge nurse with a very dirty kleenex.
    The patient chased this male nurse all over the unit threatening to "rub this snot into your ****** little face".
    The nurse was actually squealing, trying to get away from this crazy old lady and I couldn't help him because I was laughing so hard.
    At one point, he looked ready to jump over the nurses' station to escape!
    A grown man squealing like a little girly while hotly pursued by an old lady...
    Still makes me chuckle.
    Last edit by ElvishDNP on Sep 26, '08 : Reason: TOS
  7. by   angec72
    Ok...mine is short but a true realization as to what someone will do just to keep from doing jury duty.......

    I am a phone triage nurse for a local hospital here and I answered a call with a gentleman on the other end in dire straits. He began telling me that he MUST have a note to give to the judge TODAY that says he cannot participate in jury duty because he hadn't finished doing his hemoccult cards yet and had one more slot before having to return it to the lab!!! He was worried he might have to 'use it' during jury selection and didn't want to have to start over. I just about fell out of my chair with SILENT laughter! :chuckle
  8. by   grace90
    Boy, did I need a good laugh. :chuckle
    I always know when I haven't laughed enough when I hear a joke and then can't stop laughing for quite a while afterward. Thanks, all!!
  9. by   Jarelle
    we have this one lady at my long term care facility that has severe dementia. And she is known for making up crazy words and going on and on about her made up words and stories. Well she's also know for saying crazy great things about you.

    So one night she's talking to me about infractureacation (one of her made up words), which in her mind means that the dogs are going to eat that tool in that shed. lol idk. and so she looks at me and starts touching my skin and she looks at me and with the most serious face she says, "now you listen here. You don't listen to what anyone has to say about that care plan (?) because all you need to know is that you have the most amazing wonderfullest flesh i've ever seen." So I'm laughing and I'm like well thank you, you know your skin is very soft as well. So she looks at me and says "you know you are so pretty." and so I said aw well thanks your pretty too, but sshhh don't tell anyone that I said that.
    And so she looks at me with this look of surprise and then she screams out, "well i want to let everyone know that the gold fish are here, and that you are really ******* pretty!"

    Mind you that this was 1 in the morning, and she refused to go to bed....and she woke up like 6 residents. I sat there laughing, and so did the other CNA's. We all still quote that to this day.
    Last edit by ElvishDNP on Sep 29, '08 : Reason: TOS
  10. by   Hygiene Queen
    ^^^
    Darn funny, that was!
    :chuckle
  11. by   aprilis127
    I was working in a nursing home and one of the nursing asked me to help "unclog" one of his female patients. We assessed her abdomen, which was very tight and large. She was very uncomfortable. We did a fleets with 0 results. Must be really high up (could palpate nothing). So we did a Triple H. And all we got back was some brown water. Still her belly was large and tight. So I preceded to do a manual check. I felt nothing. As I began to remove my gloved finger...some air escaped. I had an idea. So I reinserted my finger but instead of feeling around I simply pulled down slightly. The gas began to come out like a balloon with the valve opened. On and on and on it went. Now God didn't give me a great nose but even I was being affected by the odor. The other nurse had left for self-preservation. This went on for nearly a minute (seemed like a lot longer). Finally it was the end. The patient looked at me with 'sorry' on her face and I just smiled back. Her belly was now flat and very easily palpated. I made her comfortable, sprayed some Ozium and left. The air outside the room was truly "a breath of fresh air".
  12. by   khuship
    Quote from aprilis127
    I was working in a nursing home and one of the nursing asked me to help "unclog" one of his female patients. We assessed her abdomen, which was very tight and large. She was very uncomfortable. We did a fleets with 0 results. Must be really high up (could palpate nothing). So we did a Triple H. And all we got back was some brown water. Still her belly was large and tight. So I preceded to do a manual check. I felt nothing. As I began to remove my gloved finger...some air escaped. I had an idea. So I reinserted my finger but instead of feeling around I simply pulled down slightly. The gas began to come out like a balloon with the valve opened. On and on and on it went. Now God didn't give me a great nose but even I was being affected by the odor. The other nurse had left for self-preservation. This went on for nearly a minute (seemed like a lot longer). Finally it was the end. The patient looked at me with 'sorry' on her face and I just smiled back. Her belly was now flat and very easily palpated. I made her comfortable, sprayed some Ozium and left. The air outside the room was truly "a breath of fresh air".


    LMAO!!
    That poor thing :imbar
  13. by   stumpy1
    Quote from khuship
    LMAO!!
    That poor thing :imbar
    We used to do "return flush enemas". Are they still being taught for use? I have needed one dozens of times, especially after eating beans. :0)

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