Share Your Funniest Patient Stories... - page 50

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2: Here's mine... I keep remembering a particular... Read More

  1. by   NDpsychnurse
    Quote from leonogist
    Not quite a patient but a visitor story.
    Many years ago, when in first year of hospital based psych training (obviously many years ago) I was working in a ward for clients with a severe intellectual disability. I noticed a security guard I had worked with in my former employment come into the ward, escorting the accounts clerk with their weekly disbursement of funds. At a whim, I quickly ducked into the treatment room and grabbed some Nulax (a dark fruit based laxative for the uninitiated) and proceeded to mold a very good replica of a large stool. I grabbed a glove and a hitchen towel to put the stool in and proceeded into the charge nurses office, where they were doing the money business.
    I greeted the deputy charge nurse and the guard and then said to the deputy "Look what I found on the floor in the dayroom". The deputy was very quick off the matk and called me over. "Give me a look", he said, then dipped his finger in and tasted it. "Hmmm, must be .......(a patient) ". I then offered it to the security guard to try. The look on his and the accounts clerk during this was priceless. I then left the room without explaining myself further.
    Thank you so much for this story I have a simular one from approx 1 yr ago that still makes me laugh out loud and will always hold a place in my heart.....We had an adolescent who said he had been eating non-edible objects so there was an order to screen his stool for 3 days to see. I wanted to leave work early one eve at the end of a 12 hr shift (bingo addict that I am) my fellow coworkers decided amongst them that I may leave to play my beloved game if I screened the fresh new bowel movement of our adolescent. I quickly agreed to do this and opened the drawer to the tonue depressors. There was none in there or in the nurse's station at the time and all I could find was a plastic fork. Humoring and nauseating my coworkers at the same time I screen this stool for foreign particles. Being confident there were none we threw the hat with the stool in a garbage bag. On my way out the door I threw the bag with the stool away and much to my dismay realized I had thrown the bag down the wrong chute, it went to laundry (@#$%). I then thought of the implications of my mistake and started laughing so hard I was about to hyperventilate. I went back to the nursing station and explained what I had done. Some poor soul the next day was going to go through the laundry and discover my error. Thinking, I assume, that they might think this was a bag with personal belongings in it they would open it. What they would find would have to perplex them. A white plastic cowboy hat with stool in it and a plastic fork that had very obviously been used in the stool. I laughed the whole 1/2 hr drive home and am still laughing now. God I love psychiatric nursing!!!!
  2. by   TiffySinkRN
    I had just started working at a hospital on the med/surg floor as a Unit Secretary, so needless to say I was young and nieve. The nurses had me help out a lot on the floor since I wanted to go to nursing school. One night I was helping and older gentleman by getting him his urinal, I handed it to him and he said no honey I need help... I said oh and I then proceeded to grab his penis and place it in the urinal and hold it there for him. After he was done I wrote down how much urine there was and emptied the urinal and placed it in the bathroom. As I was walking out he said thank you so much honey that was the most fun I have had in almost 50 years!!!! I could have done that myself.

    I am sure I was a million shades of red.....
  3. by   Daywalker
    Quote from TiffySink81
    I had just started working at a hospital on the med/surg floor as a Unit Secretary, so needless to say I was young and nieve. The nurses had me help out a lot on the floor since I wanted to go to nursing school. One night I was helping and older gentleman by getting him his urinal, I handed it to him and he said no honey I need help... I said oh and I then proceeded to grab his penis and place it in the urinal and hold it there for him. After he was done I wrote down how much urine there was and emptied the urinal and placed it in the bathroom. As I was walking out he said thank you so much honey that was the most fun I have had in almost 50 years!!!! I could have done that myself.

    I am sure I was a million shades of red.....
    :chuckle:chuckle:chuckle:chuckle:chuckle
  4. by   MLaine
    One of my pts wanted to look out the window (she was in bed 1). Her roomate overheard (bed 2) and said, "Sure! I'm going to fall asleep anyway." So we (2 other RN's and I) pulled the curtin back b/w them. The pt in bed 1 was confused and didn't know that she was in a hospital or that she had a roommate so she asked, "who is that right there?", reffering to her roomate. We explained to her that it was her roommate, and told her that she could play 3 musical instruments.

    "oh, NO!" -Confused pt said

    "Whats the matter?" I replied.

    "I'm stupid." -pt

    "No your not, why do you say that?"

    "I don't play any instruments." -pt
  5. by   justwannabanurse
    A few years ago I was working in an emergency room as a unit secretary. One of the ER physicians came out of a patients room, and said to me did you hear what the lady in room 8 is here for? I said no I was busy doing paper work, what is she here for. He then hands me a urine specimen cup.......with something in it! This 80 year old lady came into to the ER because she got her dildo stuck in her vagina!!!!!!!!! This dildo was ancient it was a screw on which I have never seen in my life well apparently the tip that screws on to the rest of it came off inside of her, and was stuck. The ER Doc was not satisfied until he showed all of the staff the dildo.
  6. by   rplumback
    I was still a new RN working with my preceptor. I had never anchored a foley on a male and we were about to attempt my first one. The patient was an elderly man with shades of dementia. He was sitting up in his chair when we attempted this deed. I fed foley catheter and more foley catheter until I had no more to advance. This man was also having some pretty good prostate problems, which really hindered my procedure. My preceptor check the patients testicles to make sure that the foley didn't end up in there and low and behold, I had urine! Being serious as a heart attack I say "OH, you just need to play with it". I meant the foley, but since she had just readjusted him, her face turned red, needless to say we were both giggling so hard we couldn't function. Fortunately, I don't think the patient caught any of that and was in his own little world. Good thing for me! :smackingf
  7. by   shortcake06
    My first week out of orientation we had a patient on the floor who was a fresh hip going throught DT's, always a pleasant combination, to make matters worse, there was construction and he was what seemed like miles from the nurse's station, so although he wasn't my patient, we were all keeping and eye on him. I'm making my rounds and the bed alarm is going off, I meet another nurse in the room and we get him before he lands in the floor. We ask him what he's doing getting out of bed the other nurse reminds him, "You're in the hospital". He replies, "Oh, yeah right, this is the first hospital I've ever seen with a piano in every room" The nurse replied, without missing a beat, "Well, it's a really nice hospital".
  8. by   apple25
    We were going home from our graveyard shift (as student nurse) in medical ICU when our clinical instructor checked the patient assigned to me and asked me to fix the bed of the patient before we went home. My patient asked for something (my patient is a CVA pt.)

    Pt: "could you give me 'saging' (banana in English)?" (my patient was pointing on the side table..)
    Me: "saging po?" (asked my patient then handed the banana to my patient. suddenly, my patient laughed and pointed on the eyeglasses (salamin) at the side table.) =)

    after that incident, the staff nurse, my clinical instructor, one or two of my group mates, my patient and me laughed
  9. by   SeaLawyer
    Now these are some funny stories...

    http://www.getthegouge.com/insider/d...ies.asp?ID=285

    http://www.getthegouge.com/insider/d...ies.asp?ID=432

    They were too big to cut and paste yet too good to be overlooked!

    This guy is hysterical. It has to be tough being a military doctor/nurse.
  10. by   kjetski
    My sister is a PA. She drinks like a fish and chain smokes. I have seen her light one from the end of another.

    A couple of years ago I was visiting her in the Florida Panhandle. In keeping with her tradition she was holding a Budweiser, Marlboro Red in her mouth (she did not bother to take it out as she spoke) giving me "medical advice" on who could take my vericose veins out.

    That same week she asked me if she needed to lose weight. Being her older brother I gave her my kindest words, "you could stand to lose 20 pounds of baggage". She stalked off uttering obscenities under her breath. In the background my brother in law was snickering. A day later I was setting up a wonderful black and white sunset picture and my wonderful sister proceeds to fly the one fingered salute in the middle of my sunset.

    Priceless....
  11. by   nurse430+yrs
    Please note: I am posting this story in the most delicate way possible without intentionally giving offense.

    Many years ago a young man in his early 20's arrived in ER unconscious (this was the disco dancing era.) He had a cucumber taped to his upper
    inner thigh. Someone had apparently slipped him a "mickey" in his drink and he passed out --only to awaken in ER with several nursing staff around him; as he opened his eyes he stated; Oh, (crap), "I wish I were dead"; apparently he wanted to "excite" his dance partners!

    Nurse430+yrs
  12. by   Tash4nvyblues
    Working in ccu, we had, a four bed high dependency unit not far from the nurses station, this particular day something smelt repulsively like poop, through the whole of ccu. We searched high and low for where it was coming from, then the little demented lady in the HDU smiled a great, brown, cheesy grin. I didn't have to clean it up.
  13. by   Tash4nvyblues
    At our local hospital we had a repeat visitor to the hospital, he got the nickname coke bottle bob, if you need me to elaborate let me know!!!

close