Share Your Funniest Patient Stories... - page 49

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2: Here's mine... I keep remembering a particular... Read More

  1. by   Silverblitzen
    [quote=Babs0512;2881139]During nursing school, (I should start this story with ... a long, long, time ago...) I had many opportunities to start a foley catheter on women, but never on a real man.

    Approximately 6 months into my nursing career, I had an order to place a foley cath into an 88 year old gentleman. I was a bit nervous, but confident in my ability (although the prostate did concern me). Anyhooo, I collected all the paraphernalia needed, explained the procedure to the man, and daintely took his penis in my fingers and began to insert the foley. He moaned a few times, and as I feared, I couldn't get past his prostate.

    We almost had identical experiences!! Only there were 3 of us new grads clustered around said 88 year old man. As we were trying to advance the catheter past the prostate (durned things!) our little man also moaned (think orgasm!). At that moment, Hal, our HN walked in the room, gave a big grin and said, "Carry on!" I'll never forget it....

    Sue :hehe:
  2. by   Jessiedog
    Quote from Babs0512
    During nursing school, (I should start this story with ... a long, long, time ago...) I had many opportunities to start a foley catheter on women, but never on a real man.
    In Australia, nurses are allowed to catheterize females, but not males, because of the potential of damaging the prostate. As a paediatric nurse I am allowed to catheterize male children. (logic??) Anyway, was looking to pass an 'in-out' catheter on a boy with spina bifida, and couldn't find the right size. I decided to go one size smaller than the ones he used at home, rather than larger, and off I went. All went swimmingly, with said catheter easily entering bladder and urine draining well into the kidney dish. At that moment, said boy coughed, and the results were quite amusing! As the abdominal pressure increased, the urine flow out the catheter also increaed (naturally) but because the tubing was smaller than usual, and becuase the sphincter muscle was partially opened, urine spurted out around the catheter, in several different directions at once! This caused great hilarity in my child, and he proceded to laugh until his bladder was completely empty!
  3. by   AussieTina
    Quote from Jessiedog
    In Australia, nurses are allowed to catheterize females, but not males, because of the potential of damaging the prostate.
    In QLD I can catherterize males and females, so must be a state thing
  4. by   leonogist
    Not quite a patient but a visitor story.
    Many years ago, when in first year of hospital based psych training (obviously many years ago) I was working in a ward for clients with a severe intellectual disability. I noticed a security guard I had worked with in my former employment come into the ward, escorting the accounts clerk with their weekly disbursement of funds. At a whim, I quickly ducked into the treatment room and grabbed some Nulax (a dark fruit based laxative for the uninitiated) and proceeded to mold a very good replica of a large stool. I grabbed a glove and a hitchen towel to put the stool in and proceeded into the charge nurses office, where they were doing the money business.
    I greeted the deputy charge nurse and the guard and then said to the deputy "Look what I found on the floor in the dayroom". The deputy was very quick off the matk and called me over. "Give me a look", he said, then dipped his finger in and tasted it. "Hmmm, must be .......(a patient) ". I then offered it to the security guard to try. The look on his and the accounts clerk during this was priceless. I then left the room without explaining myself further.
  5. by   RetiredTooSoon
    I wasn't a nurse at this time, but I think this still qualifies.

    My great-grandmother moved into a nursing home and various members of the extended family came to visit. One of the little cousins, who was three at the time, was getting restless, so another teenage cousin and I took her for a ride in Great-Grandma's wheelchair.

    As we wheeled her through the halls of the home, residents and staff stopped to smile and talk to us. Little Cousin was particularly interested in the nursing home's pet budgies, so we stopped to let her watch them for a while. I picked her up so she could see into the cages.

    As we were standing there, an elderly resident of the home, whose mind had slipped back to WWI wandered up to us. He looked at the other older cousin and myself suspiciously, then looked Little Cousin in the eye and said, "Get your gun, Honey; the ***** Germans are coming".

    Little Cousin looked at him, confused, then went back to the budgie without a word; Older Cousin and I prayed she would not understand what was said to her and just forget the whole thing.

    Little Cousin didn't seem to be affected and just kept babbling to us about things she saw and what she thought of the budgies. When she asked to see her parents again, we brought her back to Great-Grandma's room.

    Her father smiled at her and asked if she'd had a good time with her two cousins. She nodded at him, then sweetly said, "Get yo' gun, Daddy; the ***** Gewmans awe com'n!".

    Man, did we ever have some explaining to do.
    Last edit by ElvishDNP on Jun 9, '08 : Reason: TOS
  6. by   ACRN06
    So its nightshift. We're a fun crowd. Pranks go on.

    My friend Alice was a new nurse. Probably around 6 months experience under her belt.
    She's taking care of a DNR patient among many others.

    One of the other nurses (we'll call him Mark) and I page her over-head to "pick up line 2, lab holding". It was actually Mark on the line.
    Alice: This is Alice
    Mark: Yes, this is Roy in the lab. I'm calling to report a critical lab value on one of your patients. Mr.Lyle in room 232.
    Alice: Oh, ok let me get his PIN number
    *(patient id verified)*
    Mark: Alright. His Troponin is 52.334, CKMB is 443... (goes on to say way-high cardiac enzyme results)

    By this time I've started my way strolling "casually" down the hall as she hangs up with "lab". The look on her face was priceless.
    "How's it going down here?" I ask
    She's rushing over to the chart looking through old lab values, wants to panic, but sees the DNR, she looks at the patient, he's a total care nonverbal immobile nursing home patient (has been since admission).
    She talks to me about what the "lab guy" said. By this time, Mark (our charge nurse) is now there.
    She asks him, wide-eyed, "what do I do? He's a DNR!"
    Mark looks solomnly at her and says "Well... I think we need to say a prayer"
    Alice laughs but complies... we all three join hands and Mark leads us in prayer for our patient for about a whole 5 seconds before me and Mark can't take it any more and start DYING laughing.

    Ever since then, we'll jokingly call out for a "STAT PRAYER"! When the **** hits the fan
    Last edit by ElvishDNP on Jun 10, '08 : Reason: tos
  7. by   RetiredTooSoon
    Quote from TreeSawRN
    "flame balls of the euherest"- fibroids of the uterus
    I've heard of Fireballs of the Eucharist for fibroids.
  8. by   ERSMHS
    When I was in nursing school, I took care of a little old lady one day who was a diabetic and had been for many, many years. She had a prosthetic leg. (aka) On our first day together, I was assisting her out of bed to get ready for her day. As I reached over to grab the "leg", I noticed that there was a bandaid on it and I couldn't help but ask......"What is the bandaid for?" She looked at me in all seriousness and replied, "I cut myself shaving." :chuckle
  9. by   aundrea543
    I just finished CNA classes and have no work experience yet... but during our clinicals in the nursing home my classmates and I have a pretty hilarious story when it comes to a particular resident. We'll call her Mrs. D. The classmate this involves is a 6'2" african american woman.... we'll call her S

    S was giving Mrs. D a bed bath and they were sharing stories about their families.... S had mentioned her husband... Mrs. D says "Husband? you need to drop those old balls and get yourself a woman" S didn't know how to respond and just kept on with the bed bath... later that evening Mrs. D's call light was on. Another girl from my class popped in to see what she needed. Mrs. D said to her "Where's that black Stallion?" :roll we all just about peed ourselves! S has a really good sense of humor and did not take offense to this. She probably laughed harder than we did... otherwise it would not have been funny.
  10. by   RetiredTooSoon
    Quote from nursemn
    my nurse friend was telling me a patient was complaining of knee pain and the x ray tech took him into the room and mistaken him for the wrong patient and did a testicular test on him instead
    A friend went in to ER for a fractured heel and was told he would need a CT of his foot to get a better look at the injury, as the swelling was causing problems with the clarity of the X-ray.

    Somehow the wrong label got put on his chart and he was taken for a head CT instead.

    My comments about him finally getting his head examined were not appreciated. :spin:
  11. by   Babs0512
    Okay, I'll tell one of my funniest and embarrassing stories:

    I was a new nurse on a med surge floor. I got report and went to answer the light of one of my patients. He an elderly "gentleman" who wanted to go to the bathroom. He had a posey vest on. I began untying the vest, and helped him to sit up, and he became an sexual octopus! He began trying to grab my breasts, grab me BETWEEN my legs, etc... This went on all the way to the bathroom, it was obvious that he was demented (NOT mentioned in report) I had sweat dripping down my forehead while waiting for him to finish on the toilet.

    When he was done, the same thing transpired on the way back to bed. I was huffing a puffing. Finally got him into bed and posey vest on, he "pats" his privates and says "come on hun, you know what to do!" I explained how his "behavior wasn't unacceptable etc...." it went in one ear and out the other.

    I left the room only to find all my co-worker huddled together around the desk. I was redfaced and flustered as I told them the story, a few giggles here and there but no real laughter until "Jim" one of the male nurses put his arm around me and deadpanned "Well babs, I wouldn't be TOO flattered if I were you, he did the same thing to me last night" :chuckle
  12. by   RetiredTooSoon
    Quote from Kiwi RGN
    He was gripping the man's shoulders, shaking him and loudly saying, 'Are you alright? Wake up! Are you alright? Can you hear me?'
    The man woke up with a huge fright, jerked upright, pushing the Registrar away, and shouted, 'Who are you? What are you doing here?'. The Registrar also got a fright, and jumped back...
    I couldn't help laughing. Eventually they both saw the funny side- once their heart rates had returned to normal! :wink2:
    I was in hospital in 2002 and one morning I was still asleep when the doctor came to do rounds. He called to me a few times, but I kept sleeping, so he asked a female nurse to wake me up.

    She called to me a few times, then put her hand on my shoulder and gently shook me. I bolted up in bed, screamed and gave half a swing at her-making her scream back at me.

    The doctor came flying in when he heard the hollering and found both of us shaking and laughing. She said, "That's it. I don't care who asks; next time I'll just let you sleep!". The doctor agreed.
  13. by   Nitfree
    Here's a funny from a school nurse:
    A little boy comes running into the clinic crying because of an abrasion on his knee. I grab the bactine and 4x4's and he says, "What's that?"
    "Bactine," I said.
    "What's it for?" he asks.
    "For the germs," I said.
    "It's not germs....it's blood!!":chuckle

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