Share Your Funniest Patient Stories... - page 48

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2: Here's mine... I keep remembering a particular... Read More

  1. by   ACRN06
    OOh I got another one..

    So heres a trick for ya,
    Our hospital used to let our nicotine-loving patients go downstairs to take smoke breaks. Now they sign a form upon admission explaining that to do so, you will have to sign yourself out AMA.

    Well now I was faced with a tall, large, schizophrenic, homeless, blind patient with no fingers...only thumbs (he said he lost them due to frostbite). Well he was agitated and beligerant as all get-out and by golly he wanted a cigarette! (We wanted him to have one too, trust me!) But rules were rules and we explained that he'd have to go AMA to leave and that I didn't advise it, he would probably be discharged in the next couple days, it wasn't worth it. Well he threw every name in the book at us, said we were keeping him there and that we had ****** all over his sheets to make him mad, he said the whole place smelled like ****, that we were holding him hostage, he knows his rights, etc. and proceeded to spit at us, pull out his IV, told us to get the hell away, etc..
    He was clearly having paranoid ideation. However, he was oriented x 3 so was technically (according to my nursing supervisor) allowed to make decisions for himself and signed the AMA form.
    Alright. Fine. One less patient.
    After all that name calling and spitting at us, telling us to leave him alone, could you believe he'd have the nerve to come up to me and ask me to help him undo a knot in the drawstring of his sweatpants!!
    With a deep sigh, rolling of the eyes, and mustering up some compassion as I looked at his fingerless hands, I did.

    He then walked out of his room and started wandering down the hall...the wrong way.
    I did mention he was blind right?? Well, legally blind. He could make out very rough shapes/shadows.
    He cursed and spit his way down the hall... got to the elevators. I don't know how but somehow found the "down" arrow. Theres 4 elevator doors.
    *ding* one of them opened
    He couldn't see which one though!
    Okay this is just cruel... I know.
    He hit the arrow again... this time the "up" one (oops)
    Lucky for him the door in front of him opened. I felt sorry for the people he got on board with...haha

    Rumor had it that the supervisor found him somewhere in the hospital, and ended up giving him a cab voucher.

    Don't know where they took him... but watching the blind schizophrenic with only thumbs leave AMA was very humorous


    On the subject of cigarettes....
    For my confused patients, I found that giving them a thermometer probe cover to puff on worked for longer than you'd think.
  2. by   haleysmum
    This happened yesterday..I have the sweetest little Irish lady on my wing. She is what we call "pleasantly confused". She is bilateral BKA and will not wear her prosthesis. So yesterday the NA's get her ready to go out with her daughters for Mothers day. She is wearing a very nice pink outfit with a flower on the lapel. So on the nurses station counter there are Foley bag covers, pretty pink and white ones. I wasnt really paying attention, I turn around and she has 2 of them, one on each leg. I said to her "Peg, why are these on here?" She says "Ah, Jaysus, they match the flower!" I roared laughing for the rest of the day...
  3. by   wanttofly94
    This is hilarious...Thanks for the laughs. I to worked in OB for 14 years and it would amaze us everyday what people have tatooed on their body and where their piercings are.....don't they get embarrassed? Obviously not!!!

    Thanks
  4. by   lyndamic
    Years ago, I was working LTC and had to administer a rectal suppository for a very confused LOL, at 3am. She resisted me, but I tried to explain what I was doing and persisted. Finally she relaxed and allowed me to insert the supp, saying, "You men are all the same!". Extra funny since I'm obviously a woman!

    Another time, I needed to do a dressing change on this same LOL, again in the middle of the night. I turned on the minimum of lights so as to disturb her as little as possible. She woke up and got a look at me, and said "You look tired. You look like the walking dead". I replied that I WAS tired, but certainly not dead. She then scooted way over in the bed, up against the side rails, and said "You better lay down here with me for awhile. You're going to scare people, walking around looking like that".

    This same lady hit the doc with her cane on another occasion, and told him that he didn't have the sense God gave a bean seed. She also routinely expressed disgust in the dining room over the other residents' lack of manners, then would shout "SHUT UP!", when someone would point out that that wasn't very nice. I loved that lady - I attended her funeral when she died. Her kids told hilarious stories about her, and said she had been a wonderful mother. Apparently she'd always had that "tell it like it is" attitude.
  5. by   dina77
    I used to work on what they called a geriatric ward. One day this little old very confused lady was in the dayroom being fed by the nursing sister who was very staight laced. In rushed one of the male nursing assistants who happened to be very camp holding a cup of tea on his way to his dinner break. The old lady shouted very loud "Are you going to **** her?!!!" and the nurse replied so casually "Oh no not now Mary i haven't time i'm on my dinner break!" we all just fell about laughing. What was more funny was this nurse would not interupt his break for nothing or no-one!
  6. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from lyndamic
    Years ago, I was working LTC and had to administer a rectal suppository for a very confused LOL, at 3am. She resisted me, but I tried to explain what I was doing and persisted. Finally she relaxed and allowed me to insert the supp, saying, "You men are all the same!". Extra funny since I'm obviously a woman!

    Another time, I needed to do a dressing change on this same LOL, again in the middle of the night. I turned on the minimum of lights so as to disturb her as little as possible. She woke up and got a look at me, and said "You look tired. You look like the walking dead". I replied that I WAS tired, but certainly not dead. She then scooted way over in the bed, up against the side rails, and said "You better lay down here with me for awhile. You're going to scare people, walking around looking like that".

    This same lady hit the doc with her cane on another occasion, and told him that he didn't have the sense God gave a bean seed. She also routinely expressed disgust in the dining room over the other residents' lack of manners, then would shout "SHUT UP!", when someone would point out that that wasn't very nice. I loved that lady - I attended her funeral when she died. Her kids told hilarious stories about her, and said she had been a wonderful mother. Apparently she'd always had that "tell it like it is" attitude.
    Good for her. My kind of woman.....;
  7. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from dina77
    I used to work on what they called a geriatric ward. One day this little old very confused lady was in the dayroom being fed by the nursing sister who was very staight laced. In rushed one of the male nursing assistants who happened to be very camp holding a cup of tea on his way to his dinner break. The old lady shouted very loud "Are you going to **** her?!!!" and the nurse replied so casually "Oh no not now Mary i haven't time i'm on my dinner break!" we all just fell about laughing. What was more funny was this nurse would not interupt his break for nothing or no-one!
    :chuckle:roll:clphnds::lghmky::rckn::lol::urck::hehe:
  8. by   light4j
    Quote from lyndamic
    Years ago, I was working LTC and had to administer a rectal suppository for a very confused LOL, at 3am. She resisted me, but I tried to explain what I was doing and persisted. Finally she relaxed and allowed me to insert the supp, saying, "You men are all the same!". Extra funny since I'm obviously a woman!

    Another time, I needed to do a dressing change on this same LOL, again in the middle of the night. I turned on the minimum of lights so as to disturb her as little as possible. She woke up and got a look at me, and said "You look tired. You look like the walking dead". I replied that I WAS tired, but certainly not dead. She then scooted way over in the bed, up against the side rails, and said "You better lay down here with me for awhile. You're going to scare people, walking around looking like that".

    This same lady hit the doc with her cane on another occasion, and told him that he didn't have the sense God gave a bean seed. She also routinely expressed disgust in the dining room over the other residents' lack of manners, then would shout "SHUT UP!", when someone would point out that that wasn't very nice. I loved that lady - I attended her funeral when she died. Her kids told hilarious stories about her, and said she had been a wonderful mother. Apparently she'd always had that "tell it like it is" attitude.
    That's hilarious! I think every LTC facility has a LOL like that who regularly cracks everyone up. At the SNF I'm currently doing clinicals at there's this itty bitty confused lady who wheels herself around in her wheelchair all over the place, and you never know where you'll find her. She used to live in the assisted living part of the facility that's upstairs from where she is currently. I had to laugh the other day, because as we were leaving for the evening, a staff member I didn't recognize was wheeling her back down the hall with an exasperated look on his face (and she looked very disgruntled at being caught). I asked him where he'd found her, and he said she'd gotten upstairs through the elevator and was trying to get into her old apartment . One of my fellow students made the mistake of picking her for a patient, and spent most of his time wandering around looking for her .
  9. by   light4j
    This isn't quite a "patient" story, but I couldn't decide which funny thread to post it under, so put it here. I'm sure this won't be as funny if you weren't watching it, but it was the best laugh I'd had in a long time, so I can't resist posting it.

    I'm finishing up my first year in community college RN program. Yesterday we had a SIM lab with our clinical group. It was a 5 hour lab, where we'd been given three patient scenarios to prep on, and we split up into groups of two to take care of the patient...who was the high tech "dummy", or SIM man. Anyway, the rest of us sat in a classroom next door watching the pair whose turn it was take care of the patient on video, so we could talk amongst ourselves about how it was going, etc. So, the "patient" (who's being voiced by one of our wacky instructors) immediately starts complaining that he wants his foley taken out. The Dr. has okayed the DC of the foley, so Mark (not his real name), one of our few male students, starts getting ready to take it out. He tells the patient what he's doing to do, puts a towel underneath him, and starts getting ready. Well, we notice right away that he doesn't have a syringe with him to deflate the bulb. We of course are assuming he just hasn't gotten it yet, that he won't possibly try to take it out without deflating the bulb. But no, he's so flustered and stressed with the way the scenario's been going so far, he does indeed go to start pulling on it without deflating the bulb . We all start yelling at the screen, but he goes on pulling...and pulling, until it's pulled taught as a rubber band- by this time of course we're all hysterically laughing and crying - and of course the "patient" starts yelling (actually had a very delayed reaction in my opinion). He realized what he was doing before it actually popped out. He turned beet red, and said, "Oops, that's my bad" and went and got a syringe and did it the right way. Thank God he didn't actually do this to a real patient!!!! We know he'll never forget how to properly remove a foley now! I know this isn't as funny if you couldn't see it, but like I said, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.
  10. by   rph3664
    When I was doing clinicals in retail pharmacy, I had to dispense a vaginal cream to a rather crusty woman in her 80s. I asked her, "Did the doctor talk to you about how to use this?" and she said, "I've had this before", grabbed it out of my hand, and proceeded toward the door. She was with a woman in her 50s who was probably her daughter, and as they passed by the door, pointed her cane at the condoms and said, "They used to keep those behind the counter and you had to ask for them."

    A few years later, there were a lot of commercials for "Hemorid, specially formulated for today's woman." An elderly man with about 5 teeth asked me about this, and I told him that it was probably because they put it in a pink box. He said, "They ain't gonna look at the box!" and purchased it. He later came back and told me that this preparation worked for him.
  11. by   Kthale81
    When discussing this patient in report, nobody could keep a straight face.

    This man, around 50ish. He was making koolaid in his kitchen. He had just gotten a cup of ice out of the freezer, he dropped a cube on the floor. He sat the cup down to get the ice off the floor. He ended up slipping on that cube of ice and he slipped, then fell out of the window and fell a few stories. He landed on his back onto a concrete slab.

    He went to surgery and got sutures: top of head, neck, shoulder, leg, both arms. He broke some ribs, and ankle.

    We all wondered what really happened to this man, since his story sounded it might have been made up.
  12. by   Daywalker
    Either that, or he's really that clumsy....
  13. by   Babs0512
    During nursing school, (I should start this story with ... a long, long, time ago...) I had many opportunities to start a foley catheter on women, but never on a real man.

    Approximately 6 months into my nursing career, I had an order to place a foley cath into an 88 year old gentleman. I was a bit nervous, but confident in my ability (although the prostate did concern me). Anyhooo, I collected all the paraphernalia needed, explained the procedure to the man, and daintely took his penis in my fingers and began to insert the foley. He moaned a few times, and as I feard, I couldn't get past his prostate.

    Undaunted, I tried a couple of more times, daintely and selfconciously manipulating his penis to try to get the foley in. I was unsuccessful.

    I went to the charge nurse and told her of my delemia, she said "come on, let's go see what we can do". So, with the charge nurse in tow, and a new catheter set, I tried again, unsuccessfully, to get the foley in. The charge nurse looked at me, while grabbing the mans penis and deadpanned "for goodness sake, hold it like you know what to do with it!"
    She got it in first try.

    To this day, 15 years later, I think of this whenever I have to put in a foley in a man. It always makes me smile.

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