Share Your Funniest Patient Stories... - page 45

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2: Here's mine... I keep remembering a particular... Read More

  1. by   Disabled RN
    Hi all, I just discovered this site and signed up....I am really looking forward to chatting! Anyways, I think the funniest story I have is from my first job on a medical floor 27 years ago.

    A very obese woman came in with a cheif complaint of abdominal pain. Access was a problem, so while still in the ER, several attempts were made before finally getting a central line into her.

    When she arrived to the floor, she commented to me and the intern....
    "I came in here with the worst pain in my stomach....now it is gone, I'll tell ya.....that accupuncture REALLY works!!!":icon_roll
  2. by   SaraO'Hara
    I was taking vitals the other morning and couldn't hear the Korotkoff sounds on a LOL...

    "Betty, I'll have to take this again. I can't get a reading."

    "I told you, I DIED last night!"

  3. by   Jessiedog
    I LOVE the two responses above!!

    Thanks so much, I was honestly ROTFL!!
  4. by   NPs4health
    Everytime I think about this I can't help but laugh! This patient was on the unit for rehab therapy, but refused all rehab sessions and did nothing but eat and sleep, and be ugly to everyone that went in his room. In the middle of the shift, I went in to give him some PO meds and realized, he had not urinated all day!(because neither the tech or I had emptied his urinal) He took the pills and reached for a plastic cup on his bedside table and as he reached to put it in his mouth I realized the fluid was yellow colored. And I caught a glimpse of his urinal on the floor. I had half a second to decide whether to stop him, but I was trying to hard to keep myself from laughing and by the time I could open my mouth to tell him no, he had already gulped a big gulp and was spewing and spatting the rest out!
    I tried to make a sympathetic face and ask him if he was okay but I just burst out laughing! I know it's horrible but it was just sooo funny!
  5. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from gotnurse333
    Everytime I think about this I can't help but laugh! This patient was on the unit for rehab therapy, but refused all rehab sessions and did nothing but eat and sleep, and be ugly to everyone that went in his room. In the middle of the shift, I went in to give him some PO meds and realized, he had not urinated all day!(because neither the tech or I had emptied his urinal) He took the pills and reached for a plastic cup on his bedside table and as he reached to put it in his mouth I realized the fluid was yellow colored. And I caught a glimpse of his urinal on the floor. I had half a second to decide whether to stop him, but I was trying to hard to keep myself from laughing and by the time I could open my mouth to tell him no, he had already gulped a big gulp and was spewing and spatting the rest out!
    I tried to make a sympathetic face and ask him if he was okay but I just burst out laughing! I know it's horrible but it was just sooo funny!
  6. by   Mrs.A
    My absolute favorite was when I was a new grad working in a NY city nursing home. One of the residents was a very tall, distinguished gentleman. He was a soft spoken, polite fellow who proclaimed to have made millions in the "railroad". At that time , sex shops would promote themselves by slipping ads resembling hundred dollar bills under the wipers of parked cars. John had pass privileges and would collect his "millions every time he took a walk. It was really cute, if you did something nice for him he would thank you and tip you 100 bucks (or a topless woman with an 800 number if you didn't have dementia). Anyway one extremely hectic shift , I get paged to the front lobby. When I got off the elevator there is John , hat in hands wringing it away, looking like he's about to drop his cane and sprint. Behind him was an irate man shouting in Spanish along with 3 nothing left to the imagination, no doubt about it prostitutes. When I asked what was going on, the man immediately identified himself as the cab driver who wanted his 50 bucks fare. John had apparently wandered pretty far, found himself some pretty girls and told him about his railroad millions. They must of seen dollar signs thinking of all they could take this old man for. They hailed a taxi, which of course John being a gentleman offered to pay for and went to John's "house" aka nursing home. The cab driver starting yelling at the hookers that they were going to pay him and they in turn were demanding that I pay them time lost and the fare. Isn't it funny no part of nursing school prepares you for angry hookers asking you to pay up. One of them said I was responsible because he had millions and I control his money. When reasoning got me no place,I called upstairs and had the CNA bring down John's money. I handed some hundred dollar ladies to the cab driver and some to the prostitutes. I told them there was John's money and to get out before I called the police. They did leave, calling me and poor John all kinds of names. I took his arm, the man was close to 90 years old and shaking like leaf, to help him on the elevator. On ride up , he thanked me and told me once I got him home he would pay me for my kindness. Some days you just have to laugh or you'll go crazy.
  7. by   siouxsieyq
    Not as funny as a lot of these, but still makes me laugh.

    Back from my CNA days, breakfast in the day room, im assisting several patients when in walks the DON and administrator. My absolute favorite patient, this sweet LOL with dementia yells out "quick its the fuzz, hide the paraphanalia"

    I have a patient on my unit right now, dementia with delerium, yells all the time, MD doesn't believe in Ativan or Xanax. Most of the time his yelling makes me wanna rip my hair out, but the other night he had me practically rolling on the floor. he starts yelling "Help, Help" pretty normal for him, but he goes on "Help, Hamburger, help. " Keeps going, "Help hamburger, help, onions, HEEEELLLLPPPP, Tomatoes" Got him up in the chair and tried to give him a snack. He looks at me like im crazy and says, "Im not hungry, give it to that guy yelling for a burger"
  8. by   Jessiedog
    ...he starts yelling "Help, Help" pretty normal for him, but he goes on "Help, Hamburger, help. " Keeps going, "Help hamburger, help, onions, HEEEELLLLPPPP,

    I know where you're coming from! We placed a very confused demented old gentleman up near the desk on our acute orthopoedic ward, so we could keep an eye on him. His usual yell was "Oi!" He would yell this all day long, for hours on end. Every 3 seconds (and yes, we did time it) his "Oi" would float out of the door. This man was a full feed, and I swear you had to time the mouthfulls in between his "Oi!", or you would wear the food. It was almost involuntary. A polite request to him to be quiet would result in 30 seconds of peace before the verbal ejaculations resumed! It was difficult explaining to the various visitors that came past that the man really was alright, and that we really HAD just been in to check him, no he didn't need the toilet, and yes, he'd just had a drink.

    One memorable evening, I was acting up in charge of the ward, as all the more senior nurses had called in sick. Towards the end of the shift there were several of us grouped around the desk trying frantically to write those last-minute notes, and tally the fluid balances. In between all this, supervising two lots of blood transfusion obs, and assisting the new grad to roll the post-op hip patient, my tolerance level was WAY down! One of my younger colleagues noted my rising stress levels, and decided to help. This was the dialogue that ensued:

    Old man "Oi...."

    nurse "..what's a matter you?"

    "Oi....."

    "...what ya gonna do?"

    "Oi...."

    ".....oh, shut uppa you face!"

    There were four nurses staggering around the desk, wiping tears off their faces as we tried not to fall over ourselves laughing! Of course, just then, the Nursing Supervisor popped in on her regular inspection rounds. The explanations just never did do justice to the situation.....
  9. by   mahjia
    its 12 noon the other day. im with my senior staff to give our meds. our last patient to entertain on is an old lady w/a dx of HPN and cardio problem. her meds are amlodipine and citicholine. i always explain every procedures and the drugs, of what they are for, to my patients. but that day and that moment i took it for granted. i explained to the lola that amlodipine is for her high blood pressure. and for her citicholine? it is for her ARTHRITIS!!! my senior wasnt able to hear so no one to correct me and only i realized when doin my routine hand washing of what crazy-info i gave..."huh?! isnt it a colchicine? nuh-uh it is citicholine''

    thats so embarrassing and careless..
  10. by   DF-LPN
    When I was an aide many moons ago, I had a fellow aide ask me to help her with a b/p. She said she had trouble hearing it. So we walked in the room and the and the res was pasty gray with blue lips. I told the other aide to go get the nurse NOW!! Well unfortunately the res passed away brfore the aide and nurse got back the the room. The aide looked at the res then at me, then at the nurse and said "She was alive when I left the room!" The nurse and I just stood there with our mouths open for a few sec then burst out laughing. The poor aide blushed pure red when she realized what she had just implicated..
  11. by   DF-LPN
    Not a patient story, but funny.
    One night a fellow nurse and I were sitting and the desk and we were talking about ourselfs... I told her that while growing up my dad was a proud card carrying Momma's Boy. Everything was Walter's, the oreo cookies, the pepsi, so on and so forth, she was so bad she actually told my mom that she could not park in the driveway (my parent's were divorced at this time) because Walt would be hame soon and would have to park at the curb and walk throught the snow, like I said spoiled. Anyways, you know that when you tell a child no about something, the minute your back is turned they take what they were told no about. When I was 4 or 5, I came home from the neighbors and there sitting on the car was a can of pepsi and no one around, so I ran over a took a great big gulp and it was gasoline.....I swear to god, the other nurses eyes got huge and she said......And you lived!!!!!

    I almost peed my pants I was laughing so hard....I told her "Nope, I'm a dead nurse working!!!
  12. by   xbebekinsx
    a few weeks ago in clinicals i had a pleasantly confused elderly lady with bacterial endocarditis and she also had a foley in... sometime during the night she had to take a dump, so the night nurses put her on the BSC, and after the work was done they left the bucket for the commode in the bathroom. in the morning when i was in report, my lady got herself out of bed, unscrewed her foley from the bag, and sat on the commode (without the bucket) to take another dump... all over the floor. we took care of everything and about an hour later she pulled her foley out and walked to the nurses station with the foley in her hand and said "can you guys help me with these damn worms" i had an interesting day with her and learned quickly to stay on my toes!!!!
  13. by   blueberrybon
    I work in a regular run-of-the-mill nursing home. A resident today was yelling down the hall for someone to help him. I don't know this fella because I work on the opposite hall (on call mind you, so I don't know many of the residents). Any way, he's yelling, so I went down to see if it was anything I could do.

    "Can you take off my shoe?" pointing to his right foot.

    I take off his shoe and set it on the floor next to him.

    He proceeds to loudly proclaim for all to hear: ""Who the hell took my shoe!!!"

    Alrighty then....

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