Share Your Funniest Patient Stories... - page 21

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2: Here's mine... I keep remembering a particular... Read More

  1. by   danissa
    Quote from LoriAlabamaRN
    At the physical rehab inpatient center I used to work at, we had a post-brain injury patient I'll call "Bill." Now, anyone who has ever taken care of a TBI knows they go through a sexually inappropriate phase. Well, Bill was there. I was charting, and had him at the nurse's station in his wheelchair so I could keep my eye on him (that day he had called 911 from his room and stated he was being held as a sex slave). Anyhoo, a sweet elderly patient's sweet elderly wife was visiting him after church that day (this was a Sunday) with their 2 year old grandson. The 2yo was in a suit and tie, just as adorable as anything you've ever seen. The 2yo had gotten feisty, so Grandma put him in Grandpa's empty wheelchair and rolled him out into the hall, right in front of where Bill and I were sitting. I said "Aawww, look at the little gentleman." Grandma smiled and said, "How do you like my new boyfriend?" and smiled at the 2yo. Bill pipes up loudly with "Yes ma'am, that's the way I like 'em, young, dumb, and full of c*m!!!" :imbar :stone (hey at least he rhymed.) I know I turned beet red- I was sooo embarrassed. Grandma quietly but quickly spun the wheelchair with the kid in it back around, reentered Grandpa's room, and closed the door.

    Soooooo embarrassing. (Funny now though!!!)

    Lori
    lori in this age where we are so aware of child abuse, it's not so funny!! Perhaps your TBI was unaware but this still strikes a creepy cord.
  2. by   readysetgo
    Quote from Chad_KY_SRNA
    Is this story for real?
    Help me - I can't stop laughing !!!:chuckle "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine" Proverbs 17:22
  3. by   santhony44
    When I was an LPN student, many years ago, we did our initial clinicals at the local VA hospital. I remember one patient, not totally alert and oriented, who had been NPO for several days (I don't remember why) though he had an IV. The IV fluid had a vitamin additive which colored it yellow. Anyway, one morning the nurse walked into the room to find blood all over the floor. The patient, who had been begging for something to drink, had bitten his IV tubing in half and was drinking the fluid from the tubing still attached to the bag. He was oblivious to the remainder of the tubing, which was still attached to the needle in his vein (thus the blood). His comment was that the fluid "wouldn't be too bad if they'd put lemon in it!" As he had no adverse effects from ingesting the fluid- most of a liter- he was put on clear liquids.

    That was "back in the day" and at that time, the VA patients had two menu choices: take it or leave it. Everyone basically got the same thing. One gentleman, who as fully alert and oriented, kept telling the floor nurses that he was going to get a pizza, and did they want some? Of course they "went along" with his joking and said yes. You could see the Pizza Hut down the street from his window. Anyway, the nurses thought he was joking until he brought them a pizza! He'd left the hospital in his VA-issue jammies and robe, walked down the street, ordered and ate his own pizza, and brought one back for the nurses.

    I also remember seeing the med cart come from the pharmacy with a six-pack of Bud on top (for kidney stones). The same floor kept a bottle of Jack Daniels in a drawer at the desk, for the little men who couldn't sleep without their toddies.
  4. by   staceyf79
    omg
  5. by   JeffTheRN
    The other day in my Neuro Clinical rotation, I had a patient with an external urinary cath and a peg tube draining to gravity. It was draining dark green bile at this point.

    The MD came in and asked how the patient was doing that day (TBI patient). I explained everything that we did for him and he proceeded to tell me (while pointing to the peg tube drainage bag hanging at the bedside), "What about his urinary output? Were you going to mention how 'junky' it looks?" ... "Umm...Doctor, that's his bile." Got a good laugh out of him at least.
  6. by   jmgrn65
    when I worked in the general ICU we had a Freq. flyer I will call g. she was in for detox, etoh abuse most of the time. One day I was her nurse and she was a&o or so I thought, she asked " so why am i here" I said well you were at perkins last night and talking to people that weren't there so they called the police and they bought you in. SHe said " Oh that's because my sister had this spray-- you know... the one that you spray and it makes people invisible." I said Oh Ok, I will be back in a few, I had to leave the room because I was laughing so hard. She said this so seriously like there really is an invisible spray.
  7. by   azhiker96
    My wife (hospice RN) was doing a pain assessment on a woman with dementia but was having difficulty getting her to scale her pain. She just didn't seem to understand the scale concept. She said she had pain but wouldn't give her pain a number, just smiled pleasantly. So my wife gave her the visual scale, the one with the smiley and frowny faces, and asked which one represented the patient's pain. She studied it intently, looking at each face with interest, then handed it back saying, "No, I don't know any of these people."
  8. by   LaNICUnurse
    Quote from Interested Party
    When I used to work in med/surg, as my usual practise after handover, I would say hello and introduce myself to all pts allocated to me for the shift then read the notes. I entered a 4 bedded room of 4 males, of which one was pleasantly confused, and then I noticed on his table, this catheter, still inflated (Ow! I thought but held myself).............he then stated, 'I found that in my bed, it's not mine' Needless to say, that night as I handed over to the next shift, the response I got were a simultaneous OW! and immediate leg crossings :chuckle ......................
    LOL
  9. by   LaNICUnurse
    Quote from ShirleyR
    I remember when I first got out of nursing and worked nights on med/surg. This little elderly man was admitted to our floor with CHF. His wife was with him & was planning on staying the night in his room. The Doc had ordered 80 mg of lasix IM. Before administereing the lasix I placed a condom cath on ( my first). I gave him the lasix, explained the call bell system & made sure they were comfortable and told them I'd be in a little while later to check on him. I then went back to the nurse's station to start on my notes. About 30 minutes went by & the little gentleman's call light went off. Using to call intercom I asked, " How can I help you?'. The patient's wife timidly said, " Ma'am, this think you put on my husband is broken & it's making a mess everywhere." I had no clue as to what she was talking about, so a CNA & myself went right in to assess the situation. We get in his room & the patients little wife is sitting in the chair with her feet held up as to not touch the floor, she said, "Watch out you'll fall!" There was urine all over the floor. We get over to the patient and pull the covers back, expecting to see the condom off in the bed, but were we surprised!!! His penis looked like a little water fountain & the condom cath held his testicles . The CNA immediately left the room, I appologized & started cleaning him up, One of the other nurses came to help with clean linens and a new condom cath. After the situation was controlled I went to the break area where the staff were at,almost lying in the floor laughing. I finally had to explain to them that I cound't find his penis and had put all the wrinkly stuff inside the condom cath.
    I think this one is one of the best.
  10. by   JeffTheRN
    We keep a "Floor Quote Book" on our unit for some of the doozies we hear every night. Here a select few:

    (Patient watching TV commercial for Levitra: ) " If I have an erection for more than four hours, I'm not calling my doctor; I'm calling everyone I KNOW!!!"
    (Patient to Nurse: ) "I thought it was cream cheese!"
    (Patients Wife to Nurse: ) "Yeah, I had a scoopful too!"
    [container was filled with skin protectant paste and vaseline (butt cream)]
    (Male nurse to angry 86 y/o female) "We are just testing your bed alarm."
    (Patient to Nurse: ) "I'll test your testicles!"
    (2 patients in room together)
    (Patient 1 calls nurse about patient 2: ) "I think he's dead!"
    (Patient 2: ) "I'M NOT DEAD YOU IDIOT!!!"
    (Patient 1: ) "WELL, I've been talking to you for 20 minutes NOW!"
    (Actual new order written for patient: ) "Flush toilet Q1h until d/c'd "
    (ER report to floor nurse for pt being transferred: ) "Pt. came to ER complaining of 1.5/10 L Sided Chest Pain. After receiving 1 SL NTG Pain down to 0.25/10 "
    (Patient to Nurse [about ThromboGuard boots]: ) "These things on my legs give me orgasms!"
    (Pt.'s family to nurse: ) "Is she still having that problem with CO2? Would it help if I brought in a Ficus tree to absorb the CO2? It's as tall as ME! "
    (Confused LOL and Nurse conversing after pt. had a shower: )
    RN: "You smell like a rose!"
    PT: "No I don't. I smell like a cheap WHORE!"
    (Found in nurse's note from previous shift: ) "Patient HOH in L eye."
    (confused, bitter LOL and Nurse, while RN trying to get pt to the toilet: )
    RN: "Mrs. [Jones], why don't you sit on the toilet?"
    Pt: "I'll SIT ON YOUR FACE !!!"
    Last edit by JeffTheRN on Jun 24, '06
  11. by   beautifulb
    Quote from opal1266
    the funniest thing happened to me when i was a newly qualified RGN, i was mentoring two first year student nurses on their second placement, a patient who i will call Jack had unfortunately passed away earlier that morning. i askedmy students to perform last offices,explaining that Jacks wife was on her way and wanted to see Jack before he went to Rose cottage, i asked the students to make him look as natural as possible, I meant put his teeth in and remove the catheter etc. unfortunately it seems as if i was a little too literal, the students came and told me they had finished, i went into Jacks room to find the students had dressed him in his 3 piece brown tweed suit, sat in him the chair, put his glasses on and put a newspaper on his knees. he certainly looked natural but it wasn't quite the look i was aiming for:smackingf
    :chuckle Sooo...Did you keep him like that? (Lol)
  12. by   sovia
    A funny story happened just several days before.
    I worked for a international hospital in China, which means all the nurses here are Chinese and most of the patients here are westeners.I work for GI endoscopy room.Last week a cute spanish guy came for a gastroscopy. My coworker and I talked in Chinese how cute that guy is and how to date him.Then we asked the docter to ask him if he is married or has a girlfriend, cos we are too shy to do that. Our doctor did that after giving him the sendative. He said he is not married but has a girlfriend. Then our doctor asked us how old are we cos he think that guy is too young for us. We said nono... cos one of us is 24, one is 26. Then suddenly the guy began to talk :噢,是吗,我27岁。(Chinese, means oh really? I am 27).
    So he knew all that we talked about in Chinese which we think is a secrete language for the westeners.
  13. by   Parabola48RN
    Let me start by saying that dropping NG tubes in my patients is definitely not one of my strengths as a nurse, so after having successfully placed an NGT in ONE single attempt in a patient of mine, Mr. Q, who was GI bleeding, I was feeling pretty damn good. Of course the patient was NOT feeling the same way. After about 2 hours of having the NGT in, there was no drainage coming out of the thing and the patient was extremely uncomfortable with the tube in his nose. I explained to him the reason it was in and that from what I could see there wasn't anything in his stomach except for the water I gave him to swallow while putting it in, so I would call the doctor to tell her I was taking the tube out.

    Now, how hard is it to take OUT an NGT??? I have never had a problem in the past and go in and tell the patient what I'm going to do, he takes a breath in and then a deep breath out as I instructed as I am pulling the tube out and all is going well when THUNK! The tube is stuck. That's right, stuck. Somewhere in the nasopharynx b/c I can't see it in the back of his throat. I was at a loss for words at that moment b/c honestly... how does an NGT get stuck?! I started trying to twist the tube thinking it would dislodge and come out which resulted in the patient yelling "I think it's caught on my palate! Take out my dentures!!!" "OKAY!!!" I reply. So Mr. Q and I spend the next 2-3 minutes trying to take out his dentures which he must have super-glued on his gums, meanwhile he has the NGT 3/4 of the way hanging out of his nose. Dentures out, I pull on the tube again, same results, no change. A little more twisting, a little more groaning from the patient, a call from another RN to the equally confused night intern doc who suggested calling anesthesia, and the tube finally came out, without the help of anesthesia. It came out... with a KNOT tied in the end of it. Here I am thinking I'm doing this poor guy a favor by taking out the awful 16 French tube and it comes out of his nose in a knot. I asked a few of the more senior nurses on the floor that night if anything like that ever happened to them and they said absolutely not.

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